July 18, 2022
First Impressions: The Ace of Pentacles is rising above the mountains, but the mountains also look like clapping hands
Book: New Opportunity, Prosperity, Abundance, Manifestation
Guidance: A new opportunity presents itself
Interesting card to pull today as Glenn finally told me what this new job they were talking about back in May was. They wanted me to do a job swap with someone in Arlington in order to give me more strategic experience, but I'm not sure how I would be gaining more strategic experience as it would just be doing change management for strategic planning and not T&P. And they already have someone in a CM role and I have learned that I don't do well when I have to share. I like to be the alpha and I don't like to have other people in the same role I'm in. It does not end well.
On the positive side, I didn't get my ass handed to me over refusing to play nice with Bitch M. I was honestly expecting to get chewed out, but nope. And I know that Brian and Glenn talked so I guess that whole thing is done.
Where I'm At: I'm at home sitting on the couch with Wendy. She was a total nightmare dog today. I ran out for 15 minutes and in that 15 minutes she had taken stuff off the table and woke Cam up.
Weather: It rained most of the morning today.
Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous 72%
Sunrise / Sunset: 6:06 / 8:58
May 16, 2022
Deck: Tarot of Little Secrets
First Impressions: Hard work, stars, seeing the glittery side of the world
Book: New resource, wealth, health, comfort, nurture
Guidance: Divinity has a hand in a new opportunity
Interesting card to pull with all the shiny stars and illumination. It's funny because I've been saying "let there be light" about my new window and the card that I pull today is all about light and stars. I also got goosebumps as I read about divinity having a hand in a new opportunity because of how I felt when I walked into Metro. It felt like I was home an that was super weird. It felt as if that was a place I could see myself going to every week and helping others. I don't know, that is probably a pipe dream because there is now way that they can pay as much as I need to make. I guess I just need to keep praying and turning it over.
Where: I'm at home this week! My new window came and it is amazing. It is so wonderful to be able to open the window and get fresh air in the house. And I was so proud of Wendy this morning. She came downstairs to hang out with me when the installers were here and she just sat on my lap and cuddled. She looked over at them once or twice, but she didn't even go up and say hello. I also went to Metro Health today to meet with K. and G. and it was super nice to actually meet people. It was also the oddest thing as I walked into Metro, I felt like I was home. It so felt like where I belonged, but I don't know how to make that happen.
Weather: It rained this morning when they were putting in my new window, but it cleared up and was sunny later in the afternoon.
Moon Phase: Full Moon. There was also an eclipse today, but it was cloudy so it wasn't really visible in the Cle.
Sunrise / Sunset: 6:04 /8:40
First Impressions: Sunny, fulfillment
Book: Material realm, hearth, home, body, nature, seeds planted will grow into lasting achievements
Guidance: Ground your ambitions into practical matters, remember that what is most sacred can be found within yourself
One of the most important lessons that I am learning lately is about the importance of being kind to myself and that means eating healthy food, making sure I get enough sleep, exercising, and basically taking good care of me. It also means not berating myself and beating myself up. I'm also realizing that how we treat our selves is truly reflected in how we treat others and the planet. Even people who think they are being kind to themselves or are taking care of themselves are not because they push themselves too hard, they don't get enough sleep, they eat junk, or they drink too much caffeine. Truly honoring ourselves means being cognizant of what we put into our bodies. If we don't honor and take care of ourselves, how can we take care of the world?
One of the biggest changes I've made lately is being kind to myself. I always used to berate myself for my weight, for how I looked, and for every mistake I've made. As I've come to love and appreciate myself more, I've started to be kinder to myself. I've started to accept who I am and work to be the best person I can be instead of beating myself for things I can't change overnight. I've realized that I was punishing myself for my weight by not sleeping and by not taking care of myself. However, I've started realizing that I need to make sure I get enough sleep, I need to exercise even if it is just a little bit every day, and I've started working to let go of the stress in my life. What I've found is that as I let go of the stress, I'm not so hungry.
Book: Gift of resources, health issues, lack of firm opportunity, refusing to play it safe, be careful about finances, delays
Guidance: Do not undervalue this gift, shift your priorities, stay put for now, be cautious financially
Interesting card to draw. I'm not sure what it means, but I will pay attention. My gut tells me it is not about money, but about health and that I need to make this the year to truly pay attention to my body. I know I need to cut the sugar as it is literally killing me. But that means I need to develop alternative energy sources. My current strategy is to just keep sucking down sugar, but that's not working. I need to eat slower burning energy sources that will give me longer lasting energy.
July 7, 2018
I am still sucking down too much sugar and starches and not eating the right things at all. I am abusing my body and there are days I feel like an alcoholic as I just crave the stuff and I cannot stop drinking soda. I don't know what the solution is, but maybe it is to take a week off and spend some time getting in touch with my body and figuring out what feels right.
I also need to dig back into the Good Mood cookbook. It has such good guidance in it, but I haven't made the time or energy to dig into it. I am going to commit to reading it this month and putting the principles into practice next month as I will be home most of the month.
|Ace of Pentacles|
Book: New ventures, investment, financial gains, gifts of financial wisdom.
Guidance: Be prepared to deal with minor stuff . Do not lose site of spiritual wisdom. Ground yourself.
I am in a place right now where I do need to ground myself in the physical world. My blood sugar numbers are horrible and I'm not sure how to fix it. Okay, that's a lie. I know how to fix it, I need to give up sugar and exercise. However, giving up sugar is hard for me right now because I am fundamentally unhappy and I need love in my life and without it, I kind of feel like what's the point?
I know I am committing suicide by sugar and that it needs to stop, but my heart aches and I am ready for love and it is hard to continue to be positive when I'm alone. I just want someone to laugh with and to share the good and the bad with. I also disagree with Scott's advice to waiting before embarking on super powerful love magick. Waiting never serves a good purpose for me when I have made a decision and I have.
I'm ready to let go and move on. I just need to chart my course and execute. If I continue to wait, I will be waiting my entire life and that's not what I want. I'm ready to have someone new in my life. I will always love him, but I'm done waiting.
December 23, 2017
Wow! I am impressed with myself. I did do a cord cutting ritual and I did let go and although it has been hard, I've worked hard to make deliberate choices to not reconnect. I've chosen to not go to Chicago and have lunch. I've chosen to not send emails. I've chosen not to answer some emails. In short, I've made the decision that is right for me and there are times it sucks, but overall it feels really really good to have made the deliberate choices to let go of the obsession.
I've also worked hard at focusing on me and focusing on living my life for me and not waiting until I have someone in my life. I am strong and capable and although it would be nice to have someone, it is also kind of nice to have my own space and to be able to grow and change at my own pace.