Deliberate Draw: Three of Cups

First Impressions:  Openness, honesty, heart to heart, fun

Book:  Triple aspect of the Goddess:  maiden
, mother, and crone, mutual respect, enduring bonds, and social pleasures, loyalty, and shared ideas, creating sacred space

Guidance:  Enjoy the company of a few good friends, have a feast, indulge yourself, act from the heart to build relationships

Journaling:

Most three of cups cards have a sense of frivolity and fun as we see three women dancing and toasting.  This one has a deeper meaning as the women sitting topless indicating a willingness to be open and honest with one another and to be truthful about all things.  It is about letting go of our masks and getting real with the people we call friends.   It's about being able to share the uncomfortable things with people, the things we'd be embarrassed to tell anyone else, it's being able to cry without worrying about the snot coming out of your nose, and being able to laugh until you snort without being embarrassed.  And it's about being honest with people and knowing they won't give you advice unless you ask for it.

I grew up believing that friendship meant having people stick their nose in their business and give you unsolicited advice.  And unfortunately, that is all too often the way that friendship is portrayed today.  However, I learned about real friendship in Al-Anon where I learned that real friendship meant being able to just listen and witness someone's pain without rushing in to fix things.  One of the things I realized in being forced (as there are rules against unsolicited advice in Al-Anon) to keep my mouth shut when people poured their hearts out was that giving advice was more for me than for the people on the receiving end.  It is hard to sit and listen to someone who has a problem that you are convinced you have the solution for and keep quiet.  It is uncomfortable to silently witness people's pain.  However, I also learned from being the one pouring out my heart that there was something empowering about people not giving me unsolicited advice.  It meant that I was free to ask for advice, if I chose to, or figure it out myself.  The more I experienced this true unconditional love, the more I found myself wanting advice from people who had it together.  I also realized that unwelcome advice creates a power differential as the person giving the advice inevitably acts superior to the person on the receiving end.

As I discovered that type of relationship, I realized that the relationships of my childhood were unequal relationships where I was made to feel less than for not having all the answers or for not taking unsolicited advice.  My ex-husband was great at making me feel less than for not taking his advice.  What he didn't realize that even if I didn't take his advice, I often listened and considered it as I developed a plan of my own.  I don't have a lot of friends now as I'm still a hermit at heart, but I do have a few friends that I trust with my soul and it feels amazing to have people who love you and accept you for who you are.

Exercise:  

Think about the people in your life, who do you love because they trust and empower you?

Shadow Work-Day 20

What part of my shadow do I need to use less?

Warrior Two is the card of power awakening and although power awakening is a a really good thing, it can also be a little overwhelming.  I now that I can overwhelm people sometimes with my attitudes, my thoughts, and my power and while I will never choose to be less than again as I was with my ex, I will choose to listen more and talk less.  I'm learning that sometimes raw power needs to be moderated and dialed back to enable and support people versus overwhelming them.

Warrior Two gives me the gift of courage and helps me to jump into the middle of new situations and make my way to the other side.  However, courage is something else that can be scary for other people especially if I set the expectation that I think they are a wuss if they do not have the same level of courage that I do.  This is something else I need to moderate and practice holding people's hands and guiding them versus pushing them off a cliff.

The Hermit tells me that I love to retreat into myself and shut people out.  That is intimidating for people and people often take it personally.  In reality, it is not meant personally it is just me needing my personal space and doing what I can to protect and care for myself.  One of the things I can do to take care of myself better and not put up the huge shields is make sure I take care of myself all along and not let myself get so run down that the only way I can recover is to isolate myself.

This was an incredibly powerful reading and although it is a great reminder that I am a very strong and fierce person, it is also a reminder that sometimes there is strength in dialing back our capabilities.

Shadow Work--Day 17

What is the main cause of my negative traits in relationships?

Dreamer Queen is back to tell me that one of the causes of my negative traits in relationships is that I live in my head and that I prefer books to people.  Oddly enough I lead with my heart at work because I love what I do, in my personal life I very much lead with my head because my head is what keeps me safe.  My heart made the bad decision to marry John so I have to pay for the rest of my life by living in my head.  However, I have a choice and I can choose to take a more balanced approach and listen to both my heart and my head.

Warrior Five tells me that I put obstacles in my own way by continually coming up with excuses to not find love and to not let people in.  I can always find something else to occupy my time or something else to do versus letting people in and spending time with people.

Oh the cards are talkative tonight.  The last card I pulled is the Hermit and that is so true because I would rather stay in my comfort zone than get out and meet people.  Oddly enough, this card rankles me sometimes because my ex used to say I was a hermit and it made me angry because he said it in such a derogatory manner.  When we divorced, I embraced being a hermit because it meant that I could control who came into my life and I didn't have to play by his rules anymore.  However, I may have gone too far and built the walls too high.

Shadow Work--Day 7

How important are relationships to my shadow?

Warrior Ten tells me that my shadow likes relationships to feel needed.  My shadow wouldn't know what to do with itself without someone relying on him.  However, this is a double edged sword as my shadow also feels used by people who "walk all over it."  My shadow also takes on other people's burdens as a way of feeling important and needed.  In some ways, my shadow would feel as if it did not have a right to exist if it wasn't doing for others.  This was the mentality that my mother drilled into my head as a child and it is a hard mindset to break.

The Hermit shows the flip side of my shadows relationship to other people. Once I have reached my fill of other people, I like to retreat and to be by myself with no human interruptions.  I need the room to contemplate and to breathe.  Being around people can be suffocating for me and it can be incredibly overwhelming. 

I had to smile as I saw the warrior king as the warrior king is prancing alone in a field of battle.  He likes his glory and he likes to be the center of attention.  My shadow loves to be the center of attention.  I've gotten better about it, but in the past I truly had to feel as if everyone was paying attention to me or I would cease to exist.  I liked to be the center of attention for things I did well, but I was also content being the center of attention as a victim.