Saturday, January 29, 2022

Two of Wands

January 29, 2022

Tarot of the Divine

First Impressions: Looking forward and backward, coming out of the see, being two faced, fancy and humble

Book: Decisions, travel, business opportunities, cooperation

Guidance:  Connect dreams with possibilities

Where I'm at:  Berkeley, CA Marina.  It's just about 7 am and I'm sitting in my hotel room with the window slightly open listening to the crows and other birds greet the morning.  When I look to the left out my window, I see the first hints of sky blue pink over the mountains and when I look to the right, I see the skyline of San Francisco.

Mood:  I'm happy and feel good.  I'm flying home today and while the thought of going home makes me exceedingly happy, the thought of going back to a couple of feet of snow, does not.

Weather:  It is beautiful and clear out.  It feels a little chilly as it is only 44 degrees out, but that is a huge contrast to the 12 degrees at home.


Janus is holding a staff of wood representing looking backward and a staff with a crystal ball representing moving forward.  I find this interesting as there is an implication that the fancy staff is better and represents the future.  However, what I'm finding is that when we assume the fancy stuff in the future is better than the past, we may be wrong.  Progress is awesome and amazing, but there is something to be said for the simpler and more rustic past.  As I reflect on that, I know that I love my paycheck, but I wish that I could live a simpler life and not have all the bills hanging over my head.

I some ways, California is so emblematic of that as the state has grown so much that it cannot support all of its people.  I love coming here for the weather and the vibe, but I hate driving by the RVs parked on the sides of the streets and knowing that people live in them because that is all they can afford.  I also hate all the homeless encampments.  I hate them not because I think they are messy or dirty, but because each of those tents represents at least one person who cannot afford a home.  And I know that once you lose that grip on the house, falling farther down the economic ladder is almost inevitable.  I was thinking as I drove by one of those encampments last night that there are people who are flip and say that those folks should move, but that is such a statement of privilege as moving is expensive and if you can't afford a home, how can you afford to move somewhere where it is cheaper.

The other aspect of the past that we should carry into the future is being kind to one another and truly care about one another.  The world has gotten so divisive, at least from the rhetoric on TV that it seems that all we do is be mean to one another.  We don't take time to listen and help.  However, I also know that that is not necessarily true as when I was on the plane the other day, I did see people help one another with luggage etc.  Those are small helps, but maybe that is where we need to start.

July 9, 2019

Deck:  World Spirit Tarot

Impressions:  Visionary, Fireworks, Following the star

Book:  First step toward your desire, standing at the door contemplating my future

Guidance:  Have confidence in yourself, do not doubt the light bulb going off in your head


I needed to see this card today and be reminded that my future is there and that I need to trust the messages I'm getting.  The message I'm getting very clearly is that my future is changing the future of healthcare and figuring out how to combine the work I currently do, OCM,with my passion for spirituality, culture, and really making a difference.  I can see the path laid out in front of me at a high level, but figuring out the tactical steps of how to get there is a little bit maddening.  I know, I know, I just need to take one step at a time.  I need to get my masters while working on my PhD proposal, then figure out how to make it work.

The problem is that slogging through the shit is horrible.  I'm struggling at work right now because the consultants on my current project are total jackasses.  They act as if they know everything and if it is their role to be project managers.  However, I have faith that it will all work out in the end.  I just need to stand back and let things play out.  I also have to remind myself that everything I am doing and learning is leading me to where I am meant to be.  And part of that learning is about how to deal with people who have no faith and don't listen to me.  I'm sure that when I go into a medical setting, I will have people who doubt my abilities and act as if I don't have a brain in my head.  Oh wait, that's pretty much every doctor I've ever encountered.

Of course, after I write that the question I'm asking is why do I set myself up to do the hard stuff?  Why can't my path be easy?  I guess the answer to that is that no one who changes the world has an easy path.  I'm reading about the Buddha right now (and no I'm not comparing myself to the Buddha) and his path was not easy either.  He deliberately chose to leave wealth and privilege to experience the suffering of life.  However, as i write that, I wonder if he was trying to change the world or trying to change himself and those are two different things.  Maybe enlightenment is doing the hard things and letting go of the suffering.


Being in synch with the team
Talking to Blaze
Finishing the SAP Info Session
Yummy fruit for dinner
Hanging with the team tonight

April 11, 2018

Deck:  RWS

First Impressions:  Waiting, patience

Book:  Holding the world in his hands, disappointed, waiting for news, courage, embarking on new endeavors

Guidance:  Set goals or you will fall into depression, situation requires patience, be careful how you use your status


The two of wands to me is a card of planning and waiting.  It says I have the world in my hand and I have to decide which course of action to take.  I feel that sometimes I feel like I'm looking out at my future and not knowing which direction to take.  Maybe I'm waiting because I haven't set my direction since I'm waiting for the world to come to me instead of setting course and going for it.  The problem is I'm not sure where to go.

December 29, 2018

Like all things, I needed to ask for help and for guidance to be directed.  I really feel like I was directed to this program at Western Michigan and that it is the next right thing for me.  I also know that there are going to be times when I am going to feel frustrated and overwhelmed, but that this is the right course and I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
December 28, 2017

Two of Fire
Dark Goddess Tarot
Deck:  Dark Goddess Tarot

Card:  Two of Fire

First Impressions:  I love this card because it is so more more engaged than the typical two of wands where the man is looking passively out at the ocean.  Hekate is truly engaged and actively looking at the path.

Book:  You don't need a path to find your way, she releases her powers in the three realms, walking the spirit walk between the worlds, seize the moment

Guidance:  When you hear a dog, think about the path you are on; when at a crossroads, move toward what you know to be true; take the first step, and it will lead you toward what you know to be true


I love this reading, especially about taking the next meaningful and appropriator action and then you will be provided with the next.  This reminds me of the cairns and the lesson that they taught me.

As I reflect, I realize that the lesson is really one of trust.  Walking to the first cairn, I had to trust that the next one would be there.  I suppose it is that way with the reset of my life as well, I have to trust that the next cairn will be there.  That's really really hard for me as I want the whole path laid out for me at once, but that's not how the world works.

I don't know what the next adventure that awaits me is, but all I need to know is what the next step is, so what is the net step?  Have I missed it by being stubborn?

Message from my guides

No my child, you haven't missed it.  You are right where you need to be.  Continue putting one foot in front of the other.  Continue to meditate and feel the peace all the way down to your belly.  Trust your heart, trust in love, trust in yourself

January 8, 2018

Even though every instinct in my body says it is time to move on from my job and it is time to leap, they are telling me very clearly to stay put.  I've always been the one who got dissatisfied and leaped rather than stay and work through the feelings of discomfort.  They are telling me that there are lessons to be learned in trust and perseverance.  They're telling me to sit with the discomfort instead of running from it.  I can find all sorts of ways to justify running, but they are telling me that none of them are valid.  The funny thing is that I stayed in my marriage way too long even though I knew it was time to leave but I would leave jobs at the drop of a hat.

The funny thing is that I have been better about not leaving jobs since John and I split up, but the instincts are often still there just like they are now.  I'm going to choose to trust them.

April 23, 2017

Deck:  Herbal tarot

First Impressions:  Contemplating adventures

Book:  Genuine appreciation of status and accomplishments, Borders on conceit and aloofness, self confidence, self worth

Guidance:  Guard against complacency, ensure you maintain a spiritual perspective

Affirmation:  With self confidence and inner mastery, I move forward with my choices in life


this is a wonderful card of new beginnings and I'm excited by what it foretells.  I know for me, I have to continue to open my heart.  I believe it will be an ongoing process for me.  It is not just necessarily one I'm looking forward to, but I recognize the work that needs to be done.  I have to continue to work on recovering.

April 28, 2018 revisit

It's been hard to appreciate my accomplishments.  It feels as if I get almost what I want and then the door closes.  I don't know what that means, but I've been very empty and lonely this week.
December 11, 2016

Deck:  Gilded tarot

Card:  Pulled Reversed

First Impressions:  What I love about this card is it is clearly about choices and choosing between two options.  I also love the deer standing in the path as it makes me think of my back yard.  Reversed this card tell me that I might be putting off decisions.

Book;  Follow your gut, do not tarry, make your move, acting on a decision, fear of poverty, boredom

Guidance:  Don't spoil things over boredom


I'm feeling so lost and lonely right now.  I want a simple life with someone who loves me.  The problem is that this is not a decision I can make.  I have to be passive and that's hard.

January 25, 2017

I've realized over the past year or so that I do not have to be passive in my search for love and I do not have to do the stupid online dating sites either.  My job is simply to open myself up for love by eliminating the things standing between me and love.  Those things include emotional clutter such as anger and resentment and physical clutter.  I'm working on letting go of the emotional baggage and taking steps to meet new people.  Those are very positive steps I can make.  I'm also working on forgiveness and letting go of the anger.  My anger can eat me up sometimes as I think John and my mother both screwed me up, but holding on to that anger serves no useful purpose.  I need to let go of the anger, learn the lessons, and move on.

November 29, 2016

Gilded Tarot--Two of Wands
Deck:  Gilded Tarot

Keywords/Impressions:  Decisions, Choosing between two paths

Book:  Conscious of the future, waiting to make the best choice, inspiration and courage and not logic, tension between stability and mobility

Guidance:  Follow your gut and move forward bravely


I'm not truly sure what to make of this card.  My logic tells me to walk away from F because he will never walk away from his situation.  But my heart says to wait, but waiting is freaking lonely.  However, I'm not really thrilled about the thought of expending energy to get to know anyone else.  It's taken me a long time to get to the point of being comfortable opening up emotionally to F. and trusting that he won't hurt me and I don't think I want to do the emotional work of getting to know and trust someone else.

Update 11/7/2017
Oddly enough, I'm comfortable being alone right now.  Although there are days when I'm lonely, I'm feeling more and more comfortable in my own skin and that's a very good thing.  As I embark on this year of love, I also know that whatever is right for me will work out and I'm going forward with complete trust.

Friday, January 21, 2022

King of Swords

January 21, 2022

Deck:  Tarot of the Divine


This is an appropriate card for me today as I'm feeling super defensive and attacked.  It feels as if the terrible twosome gets to be as horrible as possible, but anytime I say anything nasty about them, I'm the bad guy.  However, at the end of the day I just got a good review and I always deliver so those two can just suck it.  I know that the boy is just a worthless little twit who thinks he knows more than he does and the girl just wants to impress people with how wonderful she is when really she is an idiot.

What I need to remember is that their being idiots is about them and not about me.  If my boss is so weak willed that he listens to those two idiots, then that isn't someone that I want to work for and I will find another job as soon as I am vested in my retirement.  I've switched jobs before so I can switch jobs again, I just have to let it go and just focus on doing my work and not on all the drama.


December 29, 2021

Deck:  Tarot of the Divine

First Impressions:  Wisdom, punishment guided by wisdom, overseeing, strength

Book: Symbol for patience, perserverance, and judgement

Guidance:  Loyalty, unwavering devotion, connection between heaven and earth


Griffins are guardians of rivers of gold and exhibit both wisdom and strength.  This card is telling me to guard what is mine, but to use wisdom to do so.  A griffin would have the wisdom to know if someone was truly a threat or not and I need to exhibit the same wisdom.  This is an interesting reading for me because there are times when I do not truly use wisdom to determine if I am being threatened.  In those instances, I go on the offensive and make sure someone knows not to mess with me, even if there is no real threat.

I've been doing that a lot at work as there is someone I view as a threat and I need to be incredibly defensive about everything she says and I am probably a lot meaner than I need to be.  This is one of those instances where I am competing instead of collaborating.  In my defense, I do have a broader range of experience than she does and she does a hell of a lot of annoying things (like not taking no for an answer), but I should take a step back and breathe before going on the attack.


August 27, 2019

  Tarot de St. Croix

First Impressions:  Arthur, decisions, journeys

Book: Power and authority from divine right

Guidance:  Cut though confusion by speaking the truth in a firm and fair way.  Stand in the power of your divine right to follow your own mind.


I love the messaging around this as it is so through that being direct and speaking clearly without emotion really helps to cut through the BS.  I have a client who gets into blaming us and trying to make us responsible for all their shortcomings.  I have learned that I just need to pull my energy in and be very direct about what needs to be done.  There is no room for emotion and for taking things personally.  I have learned that when I take things personally and make it all about me, things generally go better than when I am able to take the emotion out of it and focus on the facts.  The other lesson I learned from Ted is that instead of saying "you made me feel..." something I should just focus on I feel.  As he said, there is no arguing with my feelings as people cannot tell me that I don't feel something and it is also difficult to discount facts.  When I can approach things that way, I'm able to have much more productive conversations.

Sometimes it is really hard to open up and to own my feelings, but when I am able to have these hard conversations and admit how I am really feeling, my life is so much better.  I'm learning that sometimes just saying what I am feeling helps me to work through the feelings.  I realize that it is odd to be writing about feelings when writing about the King of Swords, but the message I cam getting is that the King of Swords can help us cut away that veil that prevents us from seeing and feeling our own feelings.  We get so caught up in being afraid of our feelings or thinking that our feelings are not socially acceptable, that we hide them or stuff them down in a desperate attempt to not feel.  However, when we can use the King of Swords to cut away the veil and let them out, we can speak our truth with clarity.


I'm grateful that for the yummy Greek potatoes

I'm grateful I got to leave work in a timely manner

I'm grateful that the weather was clear

I'm grateful for the yummy hot fudge sundae

I'm grateful for the warm and snuggly bed


July 10, 2018

Deck:  Rider-Waite

First Impressions:  Drive, taking action, communication

Book:  Directly facing all who approach him, intelligent, reliable man in authority, power, strength, logical, and rational

Guidance:  Don't cross the king, be flexible and innovative, continue moving forward


It's time for me to be decisive and begin making plans to move forward.  I don't know exactly what the future looks like, but I know it is time to start figuring it out.

December 30, 2018 Review

What I am finding so amazing about reading through past posts is how much I have changed my life by taking time to read through and analyze my past posts.  It is so helpful to get it all out on the page.  It just helps to have it there instead of festering.  And going back and looking at it with a fresh set of eyes makes it so much less scary.


September 25, 2017

Gilded Tarot
Note:  Card was reversed

Deck:  Gilded Tarot

First Impressions:  Be kinder

Book:  Biased decision, dismissing feelings, not playing by the rules, suspending judgement, ruthless action, accept you cannot change people, lack of decisiveness

Guidance:  Feel More, judge and analyze less


I don't make decisions decisively and implement them when they come to my body.  I know sugar is really bad for me and makes me feel horrible, but I keep sucking it down  I need to let go.  I'm also not very decisive about my X decision.  I let go, then snatch it back.  I need to just let go.

July 8, 2018 Review

Letting go is really hard for me.  I need to figure out why sugar has such a draw for me.  No, I don't.  Sugar is a physically addictive substance and I am addicted.  This is not about me being weak or having a lack of willpower.  It is literally about being addicted to a substance.  I need to go back to the 12 steps and apply them to sugar.  I am just addicted.  I think I am going to try going to Food Addicts Anonymous meetings to see if that helps.  I'm going to order the literature, then make a decision about the meeting


October 23, 2016

Deck:  Fairie Tarot

First Impressions:  Mastery of one's thoughts

Book:  Compromise, Fairness, Consider other points of view

Guidance:  Be fair and objective, listen to others, be intellectually honest

May 25, 2018

Interesting, I did not journal when I pulled this card originally.  I'm sure it is because I was super busy and caught up in work.  I love this card.  Most people would take it as a reminder to listen to other people's points of view, but I consider it a reminder to value my own point of view.  My upbringing by the Bitch taught me to value other people over myself so it is second nature for me to discount my own beliefs to appease others.  However, recently I have begun valuing my own point of view and truly listening to and asserting myself.

That is really uncomfortable for me because it feels like I am sticking myself out there and setting myself up to be stomped on, but it is important that I assert myself and make my thoughts and feelings known.  It was uncomfortable this week at work as I had to assert myself regarding the demo we were doing and sometimes it felt as if I was a broken record, but in the end I got support and we ended up including OCM and it was great as they guys wove it into their presentation seamlessly.

Asserting myself and standing up for myself feels uncomfortable and there are times when I feel as if I have two speeds:  Door Mat and Freight train, but that is because in the past, I did not do a good job of asserting myself until I got really pissed off and then it seemed as if it was the first time I had said something, when in reality no one had chosen to listen to me before.

John was wrong in calling me a freight train because he chose not to take responsibility for our lives or anything that was happening so because I was willing to assert myself and take responsibility, I was a freight train.  The reality of the matter is that if he had chosen to be an equal partner in our marriage, we would have not had all the problems that we had.  Instead, he chose to be passive and as a result, I was viewed as domineering.

It is so valuable to look back on my marriage through the lens of time and see that all the horror and pain he put me through were not really about me at all, but were about his own self esteem issues and his own inadequacies.


October 1, 2016

Deck:  Hanson-Roberts

First Impressions:  I love how his sword is personalized with a purple embellishment.  He looks so resolute and ready to defend his land.  I also like the eagle on the standard behind him, which is echoed by the clasp of his cloak.  He looks to be middle aged, old enough to have wisdom but young enough to still do battle.  The king of swords is decisive and clear-headed.

Book:  Intellectual, decisive, discriminating, inability to be swayed by emotions, tendency to be too rigid.

Guidance:  Make decisions by facing the facts


Odd that I pulled this card today as more than anything I was called to be kind and compassionate and not all about the facts.  April opened up to me about her life growing up and what's going on in her life now.  It opened my eyes to what it must have been like to be my mother.

When I take a step back and take out the emotion of how I feel about her and about how she treated me, I am amazed that she turned out as normal as she was.  It doesn't mean I like everything she did or that everything she did was okay, but maybe if I dig down I can find a little more compassion for her.

December 23, 2017 Review

Over a year later and there are still days when I am conflicted by my relationship with my mother.  I know that I made the right choice for myself and my kids because I have peace and self esteem in a way that I never did before.  I like myself and I have learned to value myself and do the right things for me.  There was no way that I could do that when I was still talking to her on a regular basis.

In my heart of hearts, I want for her the peace that I have found in valuing myself and taking care of myself.  However, I also know that that is not something that I can give her.  That's something she has to want and to work for herself.  However, I can pray for her to find peace in her life.


September 12, 2016

Deck:  Hanson-Roberts

Immediate Response:  Although this card appears cold and icy, it isn't as the tree still has green on.  I love the purple embellishment on his sword as it takes an object that is cold and icy and humanizes it.  I also like the cloak clasp as it mirrors his standard which you can partially see in the background.  This card as well as my tarot knowledge says that this king is decisive and has the ability to make good decisions, but he might also be a little rigid.

Book:  Intellectual, stern, tendency to be too rigid, guardian of social order.

Guidance:  Be flexible, make decisions, hold boundaries

Journaling:  The last few days have been about flexibility and going with the flow for me so it is interesting that this card came up.  I have been deliberately working on going with the flow and not being rigid so I'm not sure what the guidance is here.  Have I been too flexible?  Maybe this card is suggesting that I be a little more rigid and maintain better boundaries, especially around work.  I'm not exactly sure how I would do that as these people are nuts.  I'm going to have to give this some thought.  Maybe there are ways I can more provide more structure.

December 21, 2017 Review

Interesting to review this a year out of the situation.  All of the things that seemed so important at the time and so urgent aren't important any more and I don't even remember what all the drama was at at the time.  I do know that I was working at Gateway in Chicago and they were kind of nuts.  They had chosen the wrong solution and were trying to make it fix and it wasn't working.  They didn't do a good job with order and structure.

I'm also learning that overall I don't do a good job with boundaries and I'm struggling with that now as my client wants to meet every day next week even though I'm on PTO and the rest of the team is.  However, being a consultant means sucking it up and doing what needs to be done.  Not sure how to set boundaries when the expectation is to be available.  Again, I'll have to figure out how to set those boundaries.


April 7, 2016

Herbal Tarot

First impressions:  Decisiveness

Book:  Grounded and stable, cut away truth from untruth

Guidance:  Watch so the sword is not critical or sharp to himself or others, bel tolerant, be supportive

Affirmation;  I am kind in my decisions


I needed to hear this today because I've been doing a lot of beating up on myself.  I am human and not perfect.  I need to accept me for who I am.  The past few weeks have also helped me to better understand why John is with someone.  When you're lonely, it would be really easy to accept the first guy that looks as you, as if you might think someone is better than no one.  However, after spending 22 years with someone who didn't love me, I'd rather have the loneliness I feel over the pain of rejection and abuse.  I'm also not going to settle.  Why should I lower my standards/  I will not settle for anything other than unconditional love because that's what I deserve.  I deserve someone who makes me laugh, who loves me no matter what and who is there for me no matter what.

John was never that person.  His primary goal was always to bring me down a notch.  Ishould have let him go all those lifetimes agin.

May 15, 2016

Opening my heart and listening is hard for me.  I'm so glad tarot is helping me find a way to open to healing.

Sunday, January 16, 2022

BEAR Spread: Dark Sludge

 The pandemic is heading into its third year and I'm feeling heavy and sluggish.  It feels as if there is darkness at the door and it is not the cozy darkness that calls on us to light candles and snuggle in.  Instead, it is the darkness of nightmares and horror movies.  It feels as if dark things are moving outside the door and as if stepping outside will invite those horrors in.  I've lit the candles and the fireplace, but there is still an aura of dark sludge hovering.  My gut tells me that it is a combination of the pandemic, mercury retrograde, and compassion fatigue, but I figured I'd see what the cards had to say.  I'll be using the BEAR Spread that I developed a few years ago to help me sort out my feelings.

The first image is of the spread and the second with the cards pulled.

1.  Breathe;  How can I deal with my feelings right now?
The queen of cups tells me that I can ground myself in the present moment and not worry about what is happening in the greater world.  I can take care of practical matters that need to be taken care of such as cooking, cleaning the house, and other tasks that require me to be present in the moment.  I can also take care of my bodily needs by sleeping, eating good food, and really being present in the moment.  Lighting a fire really helped with that as the crackling fire kept me grounded in reality.

2.  Embrace:  How can I embrace my feelings?
I can be compassionate with myself as the Ace of Cups is telling me to be.  I can wrap myself in love and be compassionate to myself and others.  Being compassionate for me right now is about being compassionate for those I care about and for those who are in my life.  In a perfect world, this compassion would extend to everyone on the planet, but we don't live in a perfect world so it is okay if right now I am just compassionate to myself and the people I love.  I especially need to be compassionate to myself right now and remind myself that I am okay and that my feelings are okay.

3.  Analyze:  What am I really feeling?  What is the real trigger?
I'm angry at the trolls who refuse to take the virus.  This is an interesting reading of the Knight of Wands who is depicted by Tatterhood in this deck.  Tatterhood is an ugly princess who fights off trolls to defend her family and her sister.  Interesting how accurate this is as I am angry at the people who refuse to believe that the virus is real.  these covidiots (love that word) are showing up at hospitals wanting the vaccine as they are being put on the ventilator.  I want them all to just die because I am sick of dealing with their ignorance, but then there is a part of me that feels guilty for wanting people dead, especially people I don't know.  

My real concern about these feelings is how can we ever get back to civility and moving forward if we are all feeling so much anger and hate about people who don't feel the same way that we do.  Maybe that is what I'm really feeling, that we will never move forward because we will never heal from he anger over Covid.  And that is a scary thought.

4.  Release:  How can I release these feelings of sludginess?
The Page of Cups tells me to remain connected to my spirituality.  Continue to pray, continue to turn things over in my God Box, continue to let go of things that no longer serve me.  It may not be instantaneous, but if I continue to work to remain connected to spirit and if I continue to take care of myself, I will make it through this.  It will not be easy, but it will be possible.

5.  What is the outcome?
If I maintain control over my own emotions, the Seven of Coins tells me that I will be rewarded.  I need to be patient and to not let myself get distracted by things that I can do nothing about.  The Serenity Prayer needs to be my best friend.

Saturday, January 15, 2022

Mercury Retrograde: 2022

 Mercury retrograde, for anyone who doesn't know, is the time when Mercury appears to go backwards.  It is also a time when life seems to be full of petty annoyances and communication issues.  I can generally tell when Mercury Retrograde is afoot because communication stalls, life gets a little wonky, and anything that can go wrong will.  The first Mercury retrograde in 2022 will go from January 14th through February 3rd.  Shondaland has a great article about how this mercury retrograde will affect each sign, if you want to know more.

Since Mercury retrograde is complicated enough and brings enough confusion on its own, I decided that I wanted to do the simplest possible spread for guidance so I found a simple three card spread at Tarot Venue.

I chose a simple spread and the cards rewarded me with simple answers.  This was one of those readings where it's pretty simple to tell what the cards are saying even without going to the book, but I always like to delve a little deeper into my readings so I'll give you my first impressions, then a longer reading.

What should I review?
First Impressions are that I should review my emotional stability and emotional depth.  I need to make sure I take care of my emotional health and if I'm not, I need to take action.  Interestingly, the LWB indicates this is a card of happiness, love, intimacy, new emotions, and compassion.  It also indicates being open to subconscious feelings.  As I read the book meaning and combine it with my intuition, I'm getting the message that I need to have compassion and I need to be aware of what I'm feeling subconsciously.  

The message about compassion is interesting because I am feeling so much compassion fatigue right now.  I just want to get back to normal and be able to have a good life where we can travel, visit museums, etc, but the people who have refused to take the vaccine are putting a damper on this.  I am so angry with them that it is very hard to be compassionate when they get sick and/or die.  My attitude is that they brought it on themselves so why should I be compassionate?  I don't have an answer to that question, but I'm feeling that based on this reading it is something I should review and meditate on.

What should I repair?
First impressions are that I should repair my tools and make sure that things are in good working order.  However, this card is also telling me to make sure that I keep my intellect in good working order and that I continue to learn and grow.  Wow!  The key words for this card are new projects, truth, assertiveness, creative thinking, and clarity (which is my word of the month).  What is interesting about this is that I tend to think of clarity as intellect, but the readings I am doing about clarity are all connecting it to intuition and seeing clearly.  One of the messages I'm getting as I put my intuition and the book meaning together is that I need to start trusting my intuition more and make more time to meditate and reflect instead of being so left brained all the time.

What should I release?
The easy answer and the first one that comes to mind is that I should release conflict and, along with it, the need to always be right.  I hate to compromise and I hate to let go when I know that I am right.  This creates problems with team mates who may also have good ideas.  The key words for this card are rivalry, opponents, disagreement, competition, and clashing egos.  On that is so true as our team is a mass of egos and I think it is made worse by the fact that Glenn does not truly lead.  He expects us to work together to get to consensus, but consensus doesn't always work.  Sometimes a leader needs to step up and say this is the way it is going to be.

As I read through what I have read, I realize that competition only occurs if I choose to compete.  If I choose to step to one side, the person will crash to the floor.  The reality is that I do not need to compete with Y.  I am on solid ground and know my stuff, there is no reason to get upset about her pathetic attempts to undercut me.  All I need to do is continue being my best and not worry about her.

This was an incredibly insightful reading.  It is amazing how much information can come out in just a few cards.

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