May 31, 2022
First Impressions: Regal, calm, controlled, going forward
Book: Inner strength, self motivation,
Guidance: Integrity can fracture in explosive ways
Journaling:
This card reminds me of Pruitt on Station 19. He is wise and kind and takes care of the people who love him. And I guess he reminds me of my dad as well. I love my dad and I miss him. Even though he was annoying and misgonistyc, I never doubted that he loved me. I wish I had someone in my life now who loved me and would take care of me. Even though I know I am a badass, it would be nice to have someone take care of me once in a while. Someone to protect me and look out for me. I don't think I've had that since my daddy died. John certainly never took care of me and I am realizing that he didn't love me.
This card is all about inner strength and that's what I need to channel now.
Where: I'm at home this week. And right now am just hanging out with the doggos.
Weather: It was beautiful out today. The sun was shining and I spent time hanging out in the hammock and it was wonderful.
Moon Phase: Waxing Crescent, 1%
Sunrise / Sunset: 5:54/8:54
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March 10, 2022
Deck: Light Seer's Tarot
First Impressions: Getting down to business, lighting the way, strong and courageous, not standing on ceremony
Book: Natural born leader, creative visionary, fearlessness, successful ideation
Guidance: Boldly express your offbeat weirdo
Journaling:
I love this card as it is a card of looking toward the future and of lighting the way. One of the things that I need to work on is really charting my course and figuring out where I want to go. I love the salary that my job provides, but I'm not thrilled with the work. I would much rather be living my own best life and doing what is important to me.
the problem is that I'm not sure how to get there. I think I need to do some serious magick and figure it out.
Where I'm At: I'm sitting on the couch with Clarko snoring next to me and Wendy in her cuddle cup.
Weather: It's a little cold out, but not snowing yet
Moon Phase: First Quarter 50%
Sunrise / Sunset: 6:46 am / 6:27 pm
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First Impressions: Wisdom, lit from the sun, forward motion
Book: Creative visions, loving a challenge and opportunity to strategize, only comfortable when he's in charge, intolerant of weakness in himself and others,
Guidance: Call upon the leader in yourself
Journaling
This is an incredibly interesting card as it speaks to me on so many levels. I do love to be creative and figure out how to take an idea from a spark to fruition. That's incredibly fun for me as I love the creativity involved in figuring out the angles, overcoming obstacles, etc. I think that's the real reason I want to stay at my current job as there is something immensely satisfying in doing something that no one thought could be done and doing it well. It feed my ego so much to have people tell me that I'm actually making it work. I also get personal satisfaction out of it as well, especially since I am really starting to see results. It's interesting because when I met with Cindy she said she was a builder and that applies to me as well. I love the leadership aspects of building something amazing, but I'm not so good at managing things and having to deal with employees.
It is the other piece of this where I fall down and that's only being comfortable when I'm in charge. This doesn't exhibit itself as not taking orders from my boss, but it does come into play when I end up having subordinates as I want to micromanage them and I am convinced that they will screw it up and I will have to fix it. However, when I take a step back and am kind to myself and look at things realistically instead of focusing on my flaws, I realize that in a lot of ways my behavior is completely understandable because the people I have had as subordinates have not really been up to the task. I had people trying to do quick reference guides who had no idea how to do the transactions. I also had people who didn't care. I hadn't actually hired any of these people so it makes sense that it didn't work. I can do a good job of mentoring and giving good direction when I have the right people working for me.
I have also learned that just because I think something critical doesn't mean that I'm a bad person or that I'm mean. It is okay to have those thoughts as long as you stifle them and what comes out of my mouth is helpful. I'm learning to do that with people at work as there are times I just want to say "What an idiot!" However, I've learned to stop, redirect, and come up with something helpful. There is too much meanness in the world, there is no reason that I need to contribute to it.
Book: Be careful, be aware of recklessness, inability to move forward, need to move forward, hesitating, uncertainty
Guidance: Be more assertive, be more confident
Journaling
This card fits where i am today as I have been dragging my heels about this course that I'm creating. I think the root cause is that I am afraid to go into the darkness again. I'm afraid of opening doors that I thought I'd closed. However, there is a reason this is coming up now so I will honor the process and go back into my darkness.
July 8, 2018
Interesting when I read this and think about the actual meanings of the words. I haven't worked on my course in a while and I think it is because I've learned the lessons and it really is time for me to move forward. I don't need to go back into the darkness and I don't owe it to anyone to guide them or help them. I guide my kids and I provide for them and I don't need to give my all to anyone.
I've also found that my daily and weekly tarot practices are helping me to dig into the darkness without becoming overwhelmed. I find so much healing in tarot and the discipline of pulling a card everyday really helps to to get all the junk out in a deliberate way.