Saturday, July 2, 2022

Nine of Cups

 July 2, 2022

Deck:  Intuitive Night Goddess

First Impressions:  This is an interesting card as she is staring off into the distance and not facing forward.  I'm also not sure if the designs on her skin are tattoos or clothing.

Book:  Abundance, radiance, joy, gratitude, achievement

Guidance:   I am enough, I have enough


On a micro level, I am happy with my life.  I have enough of everything that I need.  We live in a nice, safe house; we have peace in our house as everyone isn't yelling and I no longer feel that I have to walk on eggshells around a melomaniac who makes everyone miserable when he doesn't get his way.  I also have gained so much emotional maturity over the years and I no longer need to be a drama llama.  I am happy and content when things are peaceful.

However, on a macro level, I am afraid of where the world is going.  Although I don't see a lot of my rights being taken away in my life time, I am afraid that my kids rights will be taken away and they will be left with a world even  more broken than it is today.  There is a part of me that wants to just close my eyes to everything going on outside my four walls and live in my happy little bubble, but that's not who I am.  I always want to make things better and right now I don't know how to.

Where I'm At:  I'm home today.  Cam and I went to the Farmer's Market this morning and to the Cheese manor to pick up some food for the weekend.  We are going to have a Charcuterie board tomorrow so it should be pretty yummy.  Today we're having pork chops for the carnivores and fake brats for the vegetarian.  I'm going to make potatoes that I got at the market and a nice salad.

Weather:  It is hot outside.  It was nice when the Clam and I went to the market, but it's gotten so hot that I don't even want to sit outside with the doggos.  Luckily they are happy sitting inside.

Moon Phase:  Waxing Crescent 10%

Sunrise / Sunset: 5:55/9:05


March 6th, 2022

Deck:  Light Seer's Tarot

First Impressions:  This is a weird card for the wish card and I don't exactly know how to read it.  It looks as if the chest has been open and she can have anything she wants.

Book:  Gifts from the Universe, Choosing Joy, gratitude, abundance, stepping into alignment with the universe

Guidance:   Accept the gifts that the universe is sending your way


I don't really know how I feel about this card.  In some ways it makes me think more of the 7 of cups than the nine of cups.  However, maybe I need to look at the 7, 8, and 9 as a sequence of cards.  The seven is about laying all the things that we want out there and having our wishes, the eight is about making a choice to walk away from what no longer serves us, and the 9 is about claiming what I have manifested and realizing that I can have whatever I wish for.  However, this card feels hollow today in the midst of a world at war.  In my privilege, I may be able to manifest material things, but I can' manifest what the world needs most which is peace.  It feels selfish to focus on what I want to manifest when the world is falling apart.

Where I'm At: I'm at home reveling in the peace, the quiet, and the beautiful day.

Weather:  The weather was absolutely glorious today.  It was warm and beautiful. 

Moon Phase:  Waxing Crescent 15%

Sunrise / Sunset: 6:53 am / 6:23 pm

July 2, 2022 Reflection

Manifesting seems so empty and hollow lately.  It feels selfish to manifest what I need when so many people don't have enough.  However, maybe I start with what I can really influence and work to manifest a better job for Sean.  That would help him so much because he feels so terrible working at this crappy job.


July 2, 2019

Deck:  World Spirit Tarot

First Impressions:  Good fortune, living well, knowing what you want and going for it

Book:  Fortune is smiling on you

Guidance:  Visualize your desires and intentions


I love this card for it says to me to be grateful and happy for what you have.  This card is about like attracting like and I have learned that the more grateful I have for what I am, the more good stuff will come into my life.  I've also learned that I need to be happy right now and not be happy when X happens.  If I wait for something external to bring me happiness, I might not every be happy because the external thing I'm waiting for may never happen.  However, if I choose to be happy right now in my messy house, with my less than perfect dogs and kids, with a job that I sometimes like and sometimes hate, I will bring more happiness into my life.

I always thought that people who said happiness was a mindset were crazy because how could they be happy when bad things were happening, but I've learned that 90 percent of the time we can choose to be happy.  We can choose to clean up the dog poop and be happy the dog loves us so much (here's looking at you Wendy!), we can choose to wash the dishes and be grateful we have food to eat, we can choose to do the boring work and be thankful that we have a job.  And if we can see the blessing in everything, more blessings will come into our lives.

The other piece of this is that if we aren't willing to do the work to change things, we don't get to complain about them.  If work isn't going so well, but we aren't willing to find a new job or change our attitude, then we don't get to complain.  All complaining does is remind us of the bad things in our life and draw more bad stuff into our life.  However, when we remind ourselves of how blessed we are, we become more blessed.

July 2, 2022

I needed to read this today.  I need to get up in the morning and choose to be happy.  The truth of the matter is that my being sad, miserable, and afraid is not going to change the world.  My being sad doesn't change SCOTUS.  My being sad doesn't change what happens.  However, my living in a place of joy and happiness can help me look for solutions instead of problems.

March 22, 2018

Deck;  RWS

First Impressions: 
 The wish card, inviting people who haven't showed up

Book:  Card of fulfilled wishes, things are yours for the taking

Guidance:  All that you want is yours


I don't like this card as it always makes me think of loneliness.   feel as if the person in the card is opening his heart and no one is saying yes.  Or maybe, that is just how I see the card because I feel as if I am opening myself to love and no one is coming or responding. 

When he did my soul retrieval, Keven picked up doubt trailing me around and I guess it's true.  I have a lot of doubt about how my life is going to turn out and whether I will ever have love.  It feels as if I never will and as if I will be alone forever.  I honestly don't know what I am supposed to do.

Dearest Ones,

Please help me a guide me toward the love of my life.  Please help me find the one that is right for me.


December 25, 2018

It's interesting that I wrote this just nine months ago, but I feel as if I have been transformed.  I've realized that the very act of opening our hearts and welcoming people in is an act of love and kindness.  I think the problem is that I have such a binary mind (if I do this, then this has to happen), but the world is way more than binary.  I'm realizing that the act of opening my heart and loving is enough.  The world is not a quid pro quo world and that opening my heart is enough. 

I'm realizing that I need to live my life more like Clark and Wendy and less like Luke.  Luke was always hesitant and afraid that we didn't love him, even after he had been part of our life for 10 years.  Clark and Wendy, on the other hand, know that they are worthy of love despite the fact that before they came into our lives there was not much evidence of it.  They love with open hearts and that is the way I need to live my life.  I need to live my heart knowing that I am worthy of love and that if someone does not love me, that is on them and not on me.

July 2, 2022
I love all of the dogs that we have had so much and I learn so much from them.  Wendy has a lot of really unpleasant traits.  She is bossy, she is a bed hog, she gets jealous, but none of those things make her unworthy of love.  Just like my having some of those traits doesn't make me unworthy of love.  I am worthy of love and kindness.
November 14, 2017

Deck:  Gilded Tarot

First Impressions: Friendship

Book: Saluting comfort, abundance, and good fortune, fortune that is of good cheer, you have achieved a place of comfortable abundance

Guidance:  Be aware of the energy of the hermit to the extreme, share what you have with graciousness


Interesting read on this card.  I love the reminder to not be the hermit as that is my preference.  I love to hide away and have my alone time.  I recharge when I am alone.  I need to find my balance between alone time and not shutting people out.  I don't know yet where that balance is.  Part of it is that I have to be so on at work that being on at home is a daunting thought.  My daughter calls it emotional labor and she's right.  I also know that in some ways it is harder than psychical labor.

November 20, 2017

I really need to work to cultivate balance in my life.  It is way too easy for me to stay in my little hermit mode and stay isolated.  I need to work harder to get out of myself as it is way too easy to stay in my little hermit shell and stay isolated.  However, the flip side is do I need to meet people, is there anything wrong with being solitary?

October 30, 2018

I think I'm doing much better at this because I am finally at a place where I've realized that it is okay to be a hermit and it is okay to be myself.  There is nothing shameful about not wanting to be around people 24/7.   John ridiculed me and made fun of me if I did not want to constantly be around people.  I think he uses people to hide from himself whereas I used to using my alone time to hide from people.  I think I'm finally at a point where I am finding balance.

It really helps knowing that how much or how little I socialize is purely my choice and is not anyone else's.  That helps me to feel a lot better and it honestly makes it easier to socialize with others.  I also am realizing that I do need people in my life, but I need to control the dosage and the method of delivery.  I want to have people I can talk to about real issues and not just have a group of people who are drinking buddies.  I think I'm starting to make progress on this front.  It's hard, but I'm getting there.
September 29, 2016

Nine of Cups
Deck:  Hanson Roberts

First Impressions:  This card shows a bartender all ready for guests, but there is no one there to drink with him.  He looks happy and welcoming.  He also has a peacock feather in his vest, which is interesting as peacock feathers are symbols of good luck in the east and bad luck in the west.  The nine of cups always strikes me as a card of friendship and good times.

Book:  Realizing a long held dream, period of emotional contentment.  It's possible someone may be missing from your life. 

Guidance:  Appreciate what you have


The words that struck me as I read this is that there is probably someone missing from your life.  This last week has really been about missing my mom, but I don't know how to reconnect.  The rules I choose to live by (treating people with respect, setting boundaries, and not giving unsolicited advice) are ones that make sense to me and I surround myself with people who treat me like I want to be treated.  I have no clue how to set boundaries with her because she won't respect them.  She will be hurt and see boundaries as a rejection.  Maybe I just need to think it over and then be willing to listen.

December 23, 2017

It really hurt to read what I wrote over a year ago and realize that I'm still feeling like an orphan and motherless.  It hurts to not have someone who loves me unconditionally and who will listen to me when I cry and support me.  I never have had that in my life as my entire childhood growing up I always had to be careful what I said so I didn't set her off.  I could never be honest about what was going on in my life because I would either be judged or get a lecture.  There is no one from my childhood who could just flipping listen and support without being judgemental. 

What especially ticked me off is how people would give advice even when I didn't ask for it.  My Uncle Gene had to advise me how to spend my money and that flying lessons were a waste even though I didn't ask for his advice.  And the first thing my mother said when she walked in to my new house was,  "Why'd you put that picture there?  I would have put it there."  How flipping rude and insulting is that?  The house was clean and looked really nice, but she had to find fault.  I can't do that any more in my life. 

It is one thing if someone is endangering themselves or others, but if they are making judgments that are different than mine, it is not my place to give advice.  And I would never walk in to someone's house and critique their decorating.  That is just rude.

July 2, 2022
I still miss having a mom that loves me unconditionally.  Having someone who gently corrects you, but does it in a way that lets you know you are still loved.  I don't think I have ever had that in my life and it is painful to know that no one has ever loved me just for being me.  I know that my kids love me and the dogs love me, but there is a part of me that wonders if that is because of what I do for them.

I'm also realizing that the lack of love from my mother is why I've always felt I had to buy people's affection.  If I wanted someone to be my friend, I had to give them something.  However, real friendship should just be about love and wanting to spend time with someone and not about what you buy them.
September 15, 2016

Deck:  Hanson Roberts

Initial Impressions:  Interesting card.  I like how it shows the main full face right up in the camera.  I find the peacock feather interesting as that is a symbol of luck and hospitality in eastern cultures.  My initial impressions of this card are of happiness and welcoming.  It also speaks to friendship and collaboration.

Book:  Realization o a dream.  Imaginative and creative life.  Flourishing.

Guidance:  Count your blessings.  Appreciate what you have.

December 22, 2018

Oddly enough, I didn't journal on this card either.  I must have been uber busy at the time I was pulling these cards.  I like the reminder to count my blessings.  I have been working really hard to focus on the positive lately and not get bogged down in the negative.  Right now, I'm a little pissed off that we have a defect heading into the holidays and we're expected to work while on PTO to resolve it.  I understand that that is the nature of the beast, but it doesn't mean that I have to like 

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