July 14, 2022
First Impressions: This card is confusing as I have no clue what a Russian soldier has to do with relaxing.
Book: Seclusion, minimalism, meditation, self-care, rest, contemplation
Guidance: Don't fear what is next
This card is about taking a pause, getting your head on straight, then choosing a course of action and proceeding. This is a really important reminder to me today that I need to take a pause. I need to retreat from the fray so I can determine what's next and make a good decision. I've been so angry and frustrated this week about the Evil M and the Incompetent B. that I haven't been thinking rashly. I've been letting my emotions drive me and that is never a good place to make a final decision. However, I have an interview set up for the next week and all will be good.
This was also a good week since I was at the plant, it was easier to avoid the Evil M and her taking over and acting like the boss. I had a good excuse to not be her minion. However, the good thing is that I know in two years I will have forgotten who she is or she will be one of those memories of "Remember what an ass that person is?"
Where I'm At: I'm in Trenton today and I'm actually enjoying my time here, except for the heat. I went to Chillicothe for dinner and the town is kind of cool. There are murals painted around town and there are some restaurants in old buildings. However, I had one of the absolute worst meals ever. I ordered ribs and I thought they'd be good because KC BBQ is a thing. However, the ribs were undercooked and were not falling off the bone and the lobster was overcooked. I would have been super pissed if I had been paying for it.
Weather: It is super F*ing hot. It was about 95 today with a real feel close to 100.
Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous 99
Sunrise / Sunset: 5:56 / 8:44
February 20, 2022
Deck: Light Seer's Tarot
First Impressions: Cocooning, safety, feeling secure, I love that the swords are needles in this image
Book: Dee[ reset, burnout, taking a vacation from reality, healing, recuperation, self love, introspection
Guidance: Take time for deep rest and healing
I love this message in this card because it is about that deep, restorative healing that we all need sometimes in order to take care of ourselves. This is also a reminder that self-care is about doing the hard work of working through trauma and taking care of ourselves. I have been so much better about taking care of myself lately. It used to be that I punished my body and my soul because I thought I wasn't good enough, but I've realized that I am good enough and I have been taking care of myself.
It is really hard some days because it feels like there is so much to do, but I've stopped letting my mother be in my head telling me that I don't matter and all that matters is a clean house. I don't like having a messy house, but I am learning to accept that it is okay if there are blankets lying around and things aren't all put away. If the choice is between taking care of myself and cleaning house, I'm going to always choose taking care of myself. However, I also know that there are times when cleaning house is what I need to do to take care of myself.
I did trauma work last night and I slept so deeply. I just fell into the deepest sleep and it felt very restorative.
Where I'm At: I'm at home today, sitting on the couch with Clark. He's got his sweet little snoot stuck in my legs and I'm feeling very loved.
Mood: I'm in a good mood. I slept deeply last night and woke up 6. I'm still feeling a little sleepy, but overall I'm good.
Weather: It is bitter cold outside (20, but feels like 6) and I'm not feeling like leaving the house, but I have errands I gotta run. I'm gonna leave in a few minutes so I can get home sooner.
Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous 85%
Sunrise / Sunset: 7:14 am/ 6:06 pm
First Impressions: At a crossroads, disregarding distractions
Book: Being protected from the piercing thoughts
Guidance: Take a rest from your challenges
What I love about this version of the four of swords is it does not show the woman completely withdrawn, instead she is shown as pierced through by her thoughts, but still able to maintain and be at peace. That is a difficult skill and one that I am not always good at as I let myself get distracted by my thoughts and go down rabbit holes. What I'm finding though is that the more I am able to center and to withdraw within myself, the more I am able to find peace, and the more I am able to find peace, the more I am able to peacefully influence others.
Interestingly as I look at this card, it reminds me of how I am with one of my more challenging clients, it is as if I withdraw within myself and I am able to interact from a place that means it is not personal. I can almost physically feel myself contracting when I deal with this person and I am able to operate from a place where I am not swayed by anything that she says. It is so weird because I feel an almost physical phenomenon when I pull my energy in. It doesn't really feel good or bad, but I definitely feel contacted and more guarded. In some ways this is taking a rest from my challenges because I am not letting them influence me or sway me.
Book: Rest from battle
Guidance: Take the time your body needs
I needed to pull this card as I've been pushing myself way too hard and I need the reminder to rest. I sometimes think I can push and push and push myself, but it doesn't work. I just end up exhausted and then the universe steps in with messages to slow down. I also know that working myself too hard isn't productive either as what I produce ends up being garbage.
April 14, 2018
I heeded the four of swords guidance the last few days. On Thursday, I visited the Redwoods after work and it was amazing to be there and feel the energy of these amazing trees. Yesterday, I took off at 2 and drove the 17 mile drive. It was incredibly beautiful. The surf was so wild and it felt calming and refreshing all at the same time. The sound of the see hitting the rocks is so meditative and restful.
December 29, 2018
Working yourself into the ground is one of the lessons that I learned from my Daddy. He worked seven days a week to provide for us, but he still worked hard to make sure we had a relationship. However, when I step back and look at things objectively, I see that there was a lot of ego involved in his choosing to work seven days a week. Once Tony and were older, he could have encouraged my mom to get a job, but instead he lived by the creed that it was the man's job to support his family and the woman's job to take care of the house. If he would have let go of his pride, we all could have had more balance in our lives.
I've learned that it does not behoove anyone to work myself into the ground to support the kids. I make enough and I am also working to start encouraging the to pay for bills around the house. I don't always pay them back if they pick up groceries because I think they need to learn to be responsible.
Book: repair the psyche, tie of rest, need to recover one's strength, hungry for quiet, restoring to normalcy
Guidance: Step back, rest
Interesting that I pulled this card just as I decided that I was going to work from home next week. I do need a break from Chicago and all that is going on. The bottle spell (releasing) was huge for me. I have to be honest and say that i was really sad and wondering if I did the right thing at first, but now I know it was the right thing to do. I feel so much freer. It feels as if a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
May 24, 2018
I had forgotten all about that spell to release my feelings and let fate take its course. Looking back, I realize that was the beginning of letting go and not letting myself be so obsessed by my feelings for one person. It took courage to let go and it takes courage every time I make a decision to not go to Chicago and to not turn to him for support. However, as my relationship with X has gotten looser and not so obsessive, my relationship with S. has become nonexistent. I have the feeling that the only thing truly holding me to S. was my obsession to X as I was desperate for guidance and advice.
In some ways, it makes me really sad, but in other ways I know that it is for the best and that it is really time for me to let go. My relationship with S was always kind of weird because he could be so controlling some times and so convinced that his way was the right way. I thought we had worked through all of that and were in a good place, but now I'm not so sure. Sometimes it feels as if he just wanted me to be a client and not be a friend.
The only thing I can really do is send him love and light and let go.
Book: Period of isolation ends, emerging successfully from a period of difficulties, extreme exhaustion, spiritual faith, having faith
Guidance: Have faith, take time to recharge, you do not have to do it all at once
December 23, 2017
Another day when I didn't journal. I'm not sure what was going on last September that I didn't make time to actually journal about the cards. Maybe I was so caught up in all the drama about Gateway that I didn't want to journal about it because I was afraid of what the cards would say.
To me this card is telling me that it is time to get my butt out of bed and start moving forward with my life. And I've done a lot to move forward in the past year. I have a new job, I've been deliberately staying away from Chicago as I don't want to get sucked into old behavior patterns.