Saturday, September 28, 2019

What is being sacrificed

Note:  Yesterday, today, and the next three days will include musing on both the Tarot de St. Croix and the Dark Goddess Tarot because I'm pondering the questions asked by the Goddess of the Month, Tiamet.  I was not happy with the cards I pulled and I'm working to sort things through.

Dark Goddess Question:  What is being sacrificed?

Tarot de St. Croix
First Impressions:  Union, happiness

Dark Goddess First Impressions:  Oh no, how can I be sacrificing love

Book: Linked in a union of love, two hearts complimenting one another

Dark Goddess Book:  Faithless love, sacrificing yourself, eternal desire

Guidance:  Celebrate love




Dark Goddess Tarot
Dark Goddess Guidance:  Allow yourself to yearn deeply, be honest with yourself about what you love, open your heart, release expectation

Journaling

My initial reading of this was that I was being asked to sacrifice my desire for love which sent me into a very dark place as it made me feel that the gods were telling me that I was not worthy of love.  However, I also know that this is a very touchy subject for me and that I had to sit with the card for a bit and figure out what it was trying to to tell me.  As I've reflected and meditated on this card over the last few days, I'm realizing that what I'm being asked to sacrifice is not my desire for love, but the walls that I've put up to keep me from opening my heart to love.  I look around my office / meditation room which has goddess art on the walls and is where I am most at home and I realize when I look at the book piled around that I've barricaded myself and put up so many barriers to protect my heart that there is no way in the current circumstances I can truly be open to love.  And it isn't just the physical barriers either, I've also got a crazy job that keeps me way too busy and I'm in school so there is no time for love.

Lorelei asks me to be honest with myself about I yearn for and what I want in my life and I'm realizing that I need to define what I want in order to define it.  I spent the first 50 years of my life believing that I was nothing if I was not in a relationship and I've spent the last three years realizing that I am pretty amazing by myself and that I do not need someone else to validate my right to exist.  However, with the realization that I'm okay just the way I am has come a fear of losing that self love by entering into a relationship.  My marriage was disastrous and in some ways I lost my soul and I am terrified of that happening again.  I do not think I could survive.

Interestingly enough, a few days before I drew this card, I pulled the Two of Swords from Tarot de St. Croix and the message there was all about putting down my swords and opening my heart.  Those are difficult messages for me as I'm really afraid of being hurt and the only surefire way that I know to protect myself is to keep my shields up.  However, that keeps me trapped in the eight of swords prison and that's not where I want to be.


Gratiudes

I'm grateful for getting my paper done
I'm grateful for having a low key day
I'm grateful for getting a small walk in
I'm grateful for the beautiful weather
I'm grateful for the good weekend with Cam

Monday, September 23, 2019

Tarot Blog Hop: What is my Harvest and How Do I Find It?

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For this Tarot Blog Hop, our fearless Wrangler Maureen Aisling Duffy-Boose asked us to contemplate the question of What Is My Harvest and How Do I Find It?  She said, "The Autumn Equinox, also known as Mabon, is the focus of collecting one's personal harvest, including what you have learned, what you have decided is important and what you have decided to get rid of, your plans for making productive use of the autumn and winter months, including thoughts of the holidays that fall within this time, and your own personal viewing and self-exploration of your own inner Being. How have you changed, what are you beginning, and what have you completed, and most significantly, how have you begun to further and more deeply understand your Self?"   I chose to use the Herbcrafter's Tarot by Latisha Guthrie and Joanna Powell Colbert to answer these questions for body, mind, and spirit:

  • What do I need to know about the current condition of my (Body, Mind, Spirit) that I am not aware of right now? (Current Condition)
  • What is the most important thing on which I need to focus in the realm of my (Body, Mind, Spirit) as I move into the winter months? (Most Important)
  • What is the main content and context of the harvest of better health, new ideas, or deeper spiritual resonance, allied with Body, Mind, or Spirit,  that I am going to receive if I focus on these things? (Harvest to Receive)

Body

Current Condition
Horsetail (Ten of Earth) tells me that I am safe and secure and that I need to connect with all that I have been given.  The message I'm receiving as I'm sitting here in my beautiful house is that there is beauty all around me and that I have been given many blessings.   Horsetail also tells me that my body is stronger than I think, but that I need to look to my ancestors for lessons and learn from them.  This is an interesting lesson as what immediately springs to mind is that I need to let go of my sugar cravings and really start to listen to my body.  My mother's family used sugar to number their emotions and their feelings and I need to let go of the sugar so I can really get in touch with who I am and what my body really needs.

Most Important
Alfalfa (Ten of Air) tells me that I need to let go of old body images and things that no longer serve me.  I also need to take time to rest and rejuvenate.  One of the hardest lessons of Alfalfa is to let go of what no longer serves me.  Alfalfa is reminding me that body is not just my physical body, but it is also about my environment and I need to take a critical look at my house and environment and determine what I really need and what can be let go of.  Too much clutter leads to being overwhelmed and staying in a state of chaos.  By letting go of things, I can free up room in my life for what really matters.

Harvest to Receive
Thyme (Madre/Queen of Fire)--Letting go of that which no longer serves me will help meto be present in my body and to live a more physical life.  This means opening myself up to the wonders of the herbs, the wonders of my body, and the wonders of the physical realm.  Life really does occur on all three realms and if I can bring myself back to your body, by shedding that which no longer serves my, my life will become rich and full.  Best of all I will learn to embrace and love my own body.  This was an interesting message as it mirrored the message above which tells me that when I am able to shed the things that no longer  serve me, my life will become richer and fuller.

Mind 

Current Conditions
Plantain (Ace of Water)--Plantain is telling me that my heart is pulling me in the direction of my soul and that I desperately want to listen to my heart, but that my mind is overruling my heart.  Plantain is also telling me that fear is not a valid reason for not listening to the message of my heart.  I'm buying into the fact that the fear feels real even though it isn't.  I'm being asked to step back and feel my feelings without acting upon them.  Anytime I think about leaving a corporate job, I'm hearing my parents telling me that I need security so I redicate myself to a job that I'm good at, but that is sucking up my soul.  I need to step back and accept that the fear is not real and be thankful for all of the skills I have learned in my corporate job.

Most Important
Mullein (Air of Fire)--This is another call urging me to take action and move to a life of soul and purpose.  I'm being asked to seek inspiration and find courage.  This is also another card that is asking me to seek guidance from my ancestors and initially that seems strange to me, but my guides are whispering that I need to look beyond my physical ancestors to the ancestors of my heart and soul and to find the wild women who inspire me.  To call upon Boudicaa, to call about Frida Kahlo, and to call upon other wild women who lived their lives out loud.

Harvest to Receive
Yucca (Adelito of Earth)--This is yet another card of honoring the ancestors and this card is asking me to be creative and unique in how I honor the ancestors.  What I love about this particular card is that it is showing a young woman crafting a Bridget's Cross with a Yucca plant which is drawing a connection between traditions.  I have always been a bridge between something or another and this card is calling upon me to bridge traditions and apply old knowledge in new ways.  One of the ways that I'm being asked to do this is to apply what I know about the world of spirit to the more mundane world and help people find a new way of looking at the world.

Spirit

Current Conditions
Sweetgrass (Curandero of Earth)--This is an interesting card as it is about love and community, but I am truly a very solitary person, but the message I am getting is that I am more of the community than I know.  I am part of the global community of spirit and I can choose to deepen those ties by sharing my gifts more deeply with the community.

Most Important
Echinacea (Three of Air)--Acknowledging and sitting with my sorrow is what will help me heal.  The pain that I have experienced in the past will lead me to be able to help and guide others.  Our pain is meant to be shared, but that doesn't mean we leave it with others, it means that as we share it, the earth will absorb it.  We tend to either want to dump all over people or to not share with people and either way is inappropriate.  The message I am receiving is to learn to listen with an open heart, but not take people's pain.  I can help them ground and help them dissipate their pain, but my role is not to absorb it.

Harvest to Receive
Ocotillo (Adelito of Water)--Nurture your heart through love and beauty, but know that giving your whole heart indiscriminately can head to heartbreak.  Learn to be discriminating and learn to listen with your heart and your head.

Summary

This was my very first time using the Herbcrafter's Tarot and I was impressed by the reading it gave me especially because I have been contemplating moving from a corporate job to something more heart based.  This pull gave me a lot to think about and reflect upon.

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Monday, September 9, 2019

Deliberate Draw: Ace of Pentacles

First Impressions:  Harvest, Sun, of the earth

Book: Expression of abundance

Guidance:  Begin a new project with confidence knowing that it will grow to its fullest potential and flourish

Journaling

I've been getting a lot of messages about new projects lately and about starting new endeavors, but I don't know what those new endeavors are.  I know that there is a part of me that is being called to work more intimately with individuals instead of with organizations, to truly minister to the needs of people instead of just helping big corporations make money.  However, I don't know what that looks like, if it take the form of teaching, the form of online teaching, the form of working at a university, I just don't know exactly what it looks like.

What I do know is that there is change in the air and that I'm going to be called on to serve in a different and more unique way.  I don't know exactly what that is yet, but I do know that it is coming as I feel an excitement in the air as my life will more closely align with my heart's purpose.  It may be just learning to look at what I already do differently or it may mean a change of pace.  All I know from my work and my personal experience is that I need to open my heart to the change and be open to whatever comes my way.

Gratitudes
I'm grateful for the safe drive
I'm grateful for the funny conversation with Cam
I'm grateful that my meetings went well
I'm grateful for the candy
I'm grateful for Jamie's smiles
I'm grateful I got to sleep late
I'm grateful I got some work done on my workshop reflection paper
I'm grateful I got some work done on my taroting

Saturday, September 7, 2019

Deliberate Draw: The Star

First Impressions:  The beauty of the night sky, being covered by mama's love

Book:  Hope for your dreams to manifest, time of renewal and inspiration

Guidance:  Relax, be at peace, and all will be well

Journaling

There is something magical about sitting outside around a bonfire with the stars high above.  It is as if the stars above are reflected in the bonfire.  Bonfires also  invite shared intimacies and the sharing of secrets.  It was a wonderful day as we woke up late, went to the store to get a few groceries, spent some time lazing around, then went hiking.  The hike was funny because neither dog was terribly thrilled with the idea of walking in nature.  Both of them gingerly picked their way over the trail and periodically stopped to cry and whine.  Wendy especially whined when Clark and Cam got too far ahead of us.  She is such a loving little soul as she truly loves her people and wants to make sure they are close.

I love the darkness and the feeling of infinity that the night sky brings.  It is as if all my hopes and dreams can come true and as if there is nothing that can stop me from achieving my dreams.  In the darkness, there is mystery and magic and all the obstacles of the day are shrouded.  I know that the night can also cover up evil and hide wrong doing, but for me there is magic and possibility in the night time that doesn't always exist in the light.  Nighttime and bonfires are especially magical when there is just a little bit of a chill in the air and the magic of fall is starting to creep up on you. 

When I sit around a campfire at night, I'm taken back to my lives before this one, when I was a shaman and the night and the bonfire were the distraction.  We talked, we laughed, and we shared.  We needed to be around the fire in order to be safe as many believed that the night held scary mysteries and not comforting warmth.  As I sat by the fire with Cam, I felt myself slip away to that far away lifetime when I was part of a community and not part of the world.  I think that we have lost something as the world has gotten smaller and we live in a global community instead of a community that clusters around a campfire to keep the monsters of the night away.

Gratitudes

I'm grateful for the walk in the woods
I'm grateful for sleeping late
I'm grateful for working on the fenced in porch
I'm grateful for snuggling with both dogs
I'm grateful for watching Wendy run in the water
I'm grateful for the deep sleep I got
I'm grateful for Wendy's funny little noises

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