Deliberate Draw: Sibyl of Cups

First Impressions: Emotions, floating, messy

Book: Beauty, fragile, discovering self-love

Guidance:  Spend time along journaling, dreaming, or exploring

Journaling:

This card fits where I am today as it is a reminder that loving myself needs to come first.  I sometimes get so caught up in taking care of other people that I don't make time for myself and when that happens I end up getting run down and cranky.  However, when I take the time to love myself and take care of myself, I absolutely glow with love and I can be kind and compassionate to others.  I grew up being taught that taking care of myself was selfish and that it was better to give love to others than to take time to love yourself.  However, all that creates is someone who is very unhappy and resentful of the world.  When I truly love and honor myself, I have energy to love other people.

I've also learned that the biggest way for me to honor and love myself is to set boundaries about what I will and will not do.  I have learned that I need to be firm about the time I need for myself and I need to say no to things that don't work for me.  When I do that and do it in a kind and gentle way, life is way better than if I say yes and am resentful.  I've also learned that I am someone who really needs a lot of alone time and when I make time for myself and have that alone time, I can be sociable.  However, if I don't get that alone time that is critical for me, I just feel depleted and angry.

Deliberate Draw: Sibyl of Cups

First Impressions:  Peace, calm, awareness

Book:  Draws from the deepest love, love to give, offering love unconditionally, offers sound guidance without judgement, learned to blend imagination with action

Guidance:  Enter your own landscape and enter the deep and paradoxical landscape of feeling

Journaling

My loving kindness meditations have helped me to feel deeply and to let go of the anger.  They've also helped me to learn to love unconditionally and without expecting anything in return.  I feel at such peace when I am in that place of unconditional love.  However, I'm struggling to live int he real world and to live in that place of unconditional love.  It seems that the world just pulls me into a world that I don't want to live in.  I don't want to live in a place where I have to leave the ones I love to make a living.  I also don't want to live in a life where it is about money and not about living my best self.

I don't know how to get to that place where I can live from my heart and not my head.  I generally make decisions based on financial reasons and then I end up feeling trapped.  What my heart wants is not financially lucrative, but I don't know how to get from here to there.  I want to make a difference in individual's lives, but i want to be well compensated for it and unfortunately jobs working with people often do not make a lot of money.

I think I just have to continue putting it out there that I want to live form my heart, but I need to make sure my needs are met.