Sunday, June 30, 2019
Deliberate Draw: Goddess of the Week
However, as my spirituality and my relationship with Nephthys has matured, I've realized that Isis and Nephthys are two sides of the same coin. Isis is, for me, the kind and loving mother who takes you into her lap and lets you snuggle while Nephthys is the one who nags you to clean your room. Both are very important and if you just grow up with the warm and snuggly mom and don't have discipline, you will grow up to be an entitled jerk. However, by the same token if you just grow up with the hard ass you will grow up not believing you are worthy of love. I grew up believing I was not worthy of love because I never got the warm snuggly side of the goddess. I always got the "clean your room" and "take care of everyone else" side of the goddess.
In some ways, I think that is why Nephthys showed up for me first as she was the goddess I needed. Although I saw her warm side and she made it clear that she was in it for the long haul, she also wasn't someone who had a nice warm lap to climb into. I don't think I would have known what to do if I had encountered a goddess with a warm and snuggly lap. I don't think I would have trusted her as I was so used to being pushed aside or told I wasn't good enough unless I was doing something for someone else. Nephthys gained my trust because she was a little standoffish and she showed her love by guiding me and directing me. I learned that I could scream and yell at her and she would still be there for me.
In learning to trust Nephthys and her not so warm and snuggly love, I've learned that I am worthy of love just for being myself and that I don't need to prove anything or do anything to be worthy of love. Knowing this has helped me learn to trust love and I think I'm finally ready to just snuggle into Isis lap and let her love surround me.
Wednesday, June 26, 2019
Deliberate Draw: Sibyl of Pentacles
Book: Loves her body, the earth, and life itself, understanding the cyclical nature of fertility, a caretaker, confidence
Guidance: Self trust is the most important quality, find your earthy qualities
I love the reminder to find earthy qualities within myself. I am happiest when I am being true to myself and not getting caught up in things that aren't real and honest and true. The physical world is so important, but we often neglect it as we chase after stuff that doesn't matter. I know that I've been being much more critical about the stuff I acquire lately. I've learned that so much of the stuff we acquire is just junk or becomes junk. That's an interesting lesson because we live in such a consumerist society where we are constantly told that the more stuff we have the better life will be, but I am coming to realize that that is not true. More stuff is just more stuff. And the truth of the matter is that no one is going to want all that crap when you die, it will just end up at goodwill.
I'm working at taking a good long look at all the stuff that I own and making decisions about what stays and what goes. I know that I need a certain amount of stuff in my life, but I don't need all the stuff I have. I think about people in my family who have storage containers full of crap that they never use. Not only have they spent a ton of money on stuff that doesn't matter, they're also paying money to store all this stuff.
Tuesday, June 25, 2019
Deliberate Draw: Sibyl of Cups
Book: Beauty, fragile, discovering self-love
Guidance: Spend time along journaling, dreaming, or exploring
This card fits where I am today as it is a reminder that loving myself needs to come first. I sometimes get so caught up in taking care of other people that I don't make time for myself and when that happens I end up getting run down and cranky. However, when I take the time to love myself and take care of myself, I absolutely glow with love and I can be kind and compassionate to others. I grew up being taught that taking care of myself was selfish and that it was better to give love to others than to take time to love yourself. However, all that creates is someone who is very unhappy and resentful of the world. When I truly love and honor myself, I have energy to love other people.
I've also learned that the biggest way for me to honor and love myself is to set boundaries about what I will and will not do. I have learned that I need to be firm about the time I need for myself and I need to say no to things that don't work for me. When I do that and do it in a kind and gentle way, life is way better than if I say yes and am resentful. I've also learned that I am someone who really needs a lot of alone time and when I make time for myself and have that alone time, I can be sociable. However, if I don't get that alone time that is critical for me, I just feel depleted and angry.
Sunday, June 23, 2019
Deliberate Draw; Seeker of Pentacles
Book: Worker bee, wanting security, working slowly and steadily toward it, sacred approach to work
Guidance: Cultivate trustworthiness
For some reason this card reminded me of Cam. Maybe it was the green and the horses, but this card made me think of her and how hard she works toward her goals. She has had so many setbacks in her life, but she continues to get up and push forward. I am so amazingly proud of her and cannot believe she's been in my life for 27 years. I remember so well the day she was born in the hospital on Okinawa. I had a C-section and when she was born all the nurses commented on her eyes and how blue they were. Even though life with John was hard, I would not trade my two kids for the world.
Since today is Cam's birthday, she is on my mind and I am thinking about all the trips we've taken over the past 27 years and how she has bolstered me and been there for me when life has been tough. I always used to look askance at people who said their mother was their best friend, but in a lot of ways she is my best friend because she is a really good listener and she tries hard to help people when she can. She is also very smart and dedicated and works hard for what she wants.
Happy Birthday Baby Girl! I love you.
Saturday, June 15, 2019
Deliberate Draw: Sibyl of Swords
First Impressions: Truth, clarity, relying on logic
Book: Flies in on the winds of change, ready to cut away untruths, mind is clear, sharp, and penetrating, symbolizes some whose life has been marked by great loss
Guidance: Face pain and sorrow with dignity, listen to yourself
I chose this card today because we saw Andean Condors at the National Aviary and they spoke to me. I felt called to meditate on them and to see the world from their point of view. One of the things I sometimes hate about being psychic is that I'm called to journey when I'm in a public place and it is not possible to just let go and let myself go to other places. I felt the condors calling to me and wanting to take me to another place and time, but it wasn't possible to go. I'm going to let myself go tonight and to see what messages they have for me. Seeing them up close and personal was amazing as they are beautiful creatures and their wings are amazing. I could feel myself being wrapped in their embrace and it was an interesting feeling.
As I think about condors flying free above the earth, I think about the ability to be unconstrained and free of the minutia of day to day life. The message that I'm being given is to soar as a condor to see the end destination, but follow the path of the Cairn to take the next step. Being a condor will allow me to see the steps and see what needs to be done, but the plan is always changing and by asking for guidance to the next cairn, I can take the next step with surety.
Dark Goddess Calleach Spread
Dearest Cailleach, Goddess of Winter, Creator of Mountains,
I ask you to give me the gift of site, to see the bigger picture, and not get mired down in the details. I ask that you help me to see where I am being led and how to use my talents to better the lives of those around me. I ask that you help me see and manifest my destiny.
The DGT always comes up with the perfect answer and Gaia tells me that I need to honor the resources that I have and not squander them. The resources I am gifted with our my intelligence, the opportunity to go to school, my creativity, and the job that funds my opportunities. I sometimes get frustrated about work, but it is a resource that it has and I am also paid a lot of money to do something that challenges me and teaches me a lot. I sometimes take work for granted or dismiss it, but it is a resource and it is important that I honor it and value it. Gaia also tells me that I need to connect with nature on a regular basis, which means taking time to sit in the sun, to connect with my rocks and to generally make time to just be with the world around me and let all of my senses take in the wisdom of the earth. I always like to think that my brain is my only source of knowledge, but that isn't true, my heart and connection to nature is also a way to connect with the greater world around me.
Hariango is not a Goddess that I have worked with, but interestingly enough the Five of Swords is a card that caught my eye and called to me in another deck and served as a reminder to let go of my need to compete with my ex husband. Hariango is telling me that I need to trust my instincts around people and not believe everything that I am told. If I believe everything that I am told, I risk setting back my own efforts. I also need to focus on my path forward and not focus on revenge or playing petty games. This is amazingly good advice because I sometimes get focused on things that I should have let go of. The image that I am getting is of running a race and instead of looking straight ahead, I am focused on the runner who is five steps behind me and this means I end up tripping over my own feet. If I keep my eyes straight ahead and focus on my prize instead of competing with someone else, I will win my own race and be the best me that I can be.
The Morrigan is reminding me that I am my own Queen. I do not need to get my power from anyone else and that by being my own queen and maintaining my own Sovereignty, I will move power. There is also a teasingly interesting note in this reading that says, "Do not ignore an opportunity for your power to grow and your power to solidify." That is telling me that what I want to do is right and true and that I am the person to do it. I need to take all of these lessons that I am learning from so many other people and move forward with them to create my own destiny. I should not rely on others for my destiny, but should create it myself.
This was an incredible reading that reminded me to marshal my
Tuesday, June 11, 2019
Deliberate Draw: Sibyl of Cups
Book: Draws from the deepest love, love to give, offering love unconditionally, offers sound guidance without judgement, learned to blend imagination with action
Guidance: Enter your own landscape and enter the deep and paradoxical landscape of feeling
My loving kindness meditations have helped me to feel deeply and to let go of the anger. They've also helped me to learn to love unconditionally and without expecting anything in return. I feel at such peace when I am in that place of unconditional love. However, I'm struggling to live int he real world and to live in that place of unconditional love. It seems that the world just pulls me into a world that I don't want to live in. I don't want to live in a place where I have to leave the ones I love to make a living. I also don't want to live in a life where it is about money and not about living my best self.
I don't know how to get to that place where I can live from my heart and not my head. I generally make decisions based on financial reasons and then I end up feeling trapped. What my heart wants is not financially lucrative, but I don't know how to get from here to there. I want to make a difference in individual's lives, but i want to be well compensated for it and unfortunately jobs working with people often do not make a lot of money.
I think I just have to continue putting it out there that I want to live form my heart, but I need to make sure my needs are met.
Friday, June 7, 2019
Deliberate Draw: Sage of Pentacles
Book: Rules with steady hand and kind heart, no need to prove himself to anyone
Guidance: Find your own stable center
Interesting card for me to pull as I've been feeling very centered lately. My loving kindness practice has really helped me to be more self possessed and in control of my emotions. It has really helped me let go of the need to be loved and admired. I think the root of it is that I've realized that I can love and admire myself and that's okay. I don't need anyone else's approval but my own and realizing that has helped me let go of clinging and needing to be with someone. I've realized that I am the master of my own universe and that I am responsible for my actions and there is no one else to blame or to look for for approval.
Knowing that I can make my own decisions without having to pander to anyone else's thoughts or concerns is amazingly liberating.
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