October 7, 2022
Deck: Tarot de St. Croix
First Impressions: I love this card because it isn't just about dancing and stuff, it is showing the three friends connecting over a board game. I think sometimes we forget that there are multiple ways to connect.
Book: Cherish friendships and emotional bonds with people
Guidance: Take down the walls
Journaling:
I love this reminder to actually take time to make friends and create relationships. I am really bad at this and I've gotten even worse since not working in person anymore. It is hard to form relationships when working virtually and historically that has been my primary way of forming friendships. However, the benefits of working remote weigh outweigh the downsides. I think I just have to make more of an effort to form relationships. Open Table was a good start and I will find some other ways to meet people.
Where I'm At: I'm at home today and I am so happy that it is Friday. I got home at a reasonable time last night, but I am still exhausted.
Weather: The weather is beautiful out tonight. I always forget how much I love fall.
Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous 93%
Sunrise / Sunset: 7:28 / 6:59
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------July 23, 2022
Deck: Rose Tarot
First Impressions: Initially, I'm not a fan of the card as it deviates from the traditional version of three friends hanging out and dancing. However, I believe it does get to the essence of the three of cups as someone is playing a musical instrument and they are being appreciated and loved with the gift of the lilies.
Book: Graces, success, growth, rejoicing and merriment, coming to conclusion
Guidance: You are loved
Journaling:
The artwork on these cards is so beautiful and the symbolism so rich, that I am willing to open my mind to them not being as instantly readable for me as the RWS. What I love about this card is that it shows that the woman is loved and appreciated with a quiet celebration. It also shows there are different ways to be loved and appreciated. I sometimes get so caught up in the fact that I don't have a lot of friends to go out and hang out with, that I forget I don't want to go out and hang out with people all the time. I'm perfectly content to go out once in a while, to have people appreciate me on Facebook and to have Wendy sit by me and love me.
I am coming to realize that I need to live the life that is right for me and not worry about what people think. John always called me a hermit because I didn't want to go out and party with people. However, the thing is that life is so busy and work takes so much time that if I go out and party with people or even just hang out all the time, I won't have time to do the things that are important to me. T was talking about her new life and drinking wine with the moms and going on girl's trips. And I'm like "NO" that does not sound like fun at all. I like sitting on the couch with the dogs, doing my research, and generally being my own person. What it has taken me a while to realize is that that is okay.
Where I'm At: I'm sitting on the couch next to the Great Wendy this morning. I slept on the couch and after Cam took her out this morning, she crawled on top of me and wouldn't move. I'm not sure why she felt the need to be on top of me. When I tried to get up, she refused to move and I ended up rolling off the couch. Of course, she had to post about it on Instagram :(
Weather: It's raining out this morning and warm. I hate it when it rains and is hot. That is so disgusting.
Moon Phase: Waning Crescent 23%
Sunrise / Sunset: 6:11 am / 8:54 pm
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April 24, 2022
Deck: Tarot of Little Secrets
First Impressions: This card is full of happiness, love, and friendship. I'm not sure about the horse though as that seems to be weird symbolism.
Book: Community, joy, parties, fun, abundance
Guidance: Community is a blend of self and other
Journaling:
What I'm realizing is that modern day living does not make creating a community easy. We live in one place, work in another, and often go play in another. We are not forced to see the same people all the time and if we don't like someone, it is easy to just walk away. In the past, people created communities and relied upon their neighbors because they have to. I have no incentive to interact with or get to know my neighbors. We've also pushed the concept of self reliance and independence and made it a bad thing to rely upon others.
I'm not sure how I'm going to resolve this in my own life, but I need to figure out a way to build an intentional community of people that I like and can rely upon.
Where: I am at home today and as usual on the couch with the doggos. I'm actually having a good day today because I got one of my papers done yesterday and have a plan for the other tomorrow. I should be able to get all three of them done.
Weather: It was sunny and warm out and I took the dingles out for a while today and they hung out and enjoyed the sun.
Moon Phase: Waning Crescent, 39%
Sunrise / Sunset: 6:30 am / 8:17 am
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January 8, 2022
Deck: Tarot of the Divine
First Impressions: Dancing, sharing secrets, friendship, why the heck are they in the lily pad?
Book: Celebrations, friends, indulgence, community
Guidance: Enjoy yourself
Journaling
I'm realizing why the guidance of this card, to find friends, has never resonated with me. It is because I want true friends who are there for good times and bad. However, the depictions on all the cards are of three women dancing and, presumably, gossiping. That doesn't do it for me. Now if they had show three people at a book club, I'd be more included to take it to heart. However, the reality is that you grow friendships from the superfical to the serious. No one starts out telling their secrets and showing up when the chips are down.
Now, despite the card not resonating with me, I have made progress on the friend front. I consider Cindy a friend and even though we don't live close and hang out all the time, she is someone I care about and we have good conversations. And I am becoming friends with the open table ladies. I am also planning to join a book club as soon as the Rona goes away. I think this is a card I might finally be coming to terms with.
I read something interesting over at
Tarot Heaven. Apparently when the RWS was first printed, it was not socially acceptable for women to wear red. If I look at the cards through that lens, it makes me wonder if this is a card about acceptance as the three women are accepting each other.
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August, 11, 2019
First Impressions: Friendship, having fun
Book: Three friends having fun
Guidance: Cherish friendship and emotional bonds with people
Journaling
I don't have a lot of friends in my life and I'm not good at making friends and just hanging out with someone else. I have to admit that when Heather first reached out to me, my first instinct was to say no because I didn't want to expend the emotional energy to meet someone else. However, I am so glad that I said yes and that we went out and had a good dinner. We share a lot of the same interests and values and it was awesome to talk to someone who gets the things I'm interested in. It was very comfortable, relaxed, and awesome. She also admitted to me that she doesn't have a lot of friends and that it's hard for her to meet people. I really felt like we bonded.
Cam and I also had a great day visiting the lemur research center, going to the yarn store, and just hanging out. We also went to The Holy Rose which is a wonderful Pagan Store in Durham and I spent about 10 minutes just meditating in front of the Virgin Mary statue. It was really nice to just sit there and let her love wash over me. I felt her presence so strongly and she brought me such a sense of love and peace. It also made me want to commit to set up an actual altar where I worship on a regular basis as I think there is an amazing sense of piece that comes from having a place that collects energy. I also know that it has to be a private place as anything I put in a public place becomes a junk heap.
I was also happy that I had time to just hang out by myself and destress. I don't get a lot of time by myself without having a ton of obligations so it was really nice.
Gratitudes
I'm grateful for visiting the amazing lemur and seeing how cute they are
I'm grateful for finding an awesome yarn store for Cam to visit
I'm grateful that the Residence Inn let us check in early
I'm grateful that our rooms face the woods
I'm grateful that Heather reached out to me
I'm grateful that Cam was okay hanging out by herself
I'm grateful for meeting Heather and for the amazing dinner
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May 25, 2019
First Impressions: Openness, honesty, heart to heart, fun
Book: Triple aspect of the Goddess: maiden
, mother, and crone, mutual respect, enduring bonds, and social pleasures, loyalty, and shared ideas, creating sacred space
Guidance: Enjoy the company of a few good friends, have a feast, indulge yourself, act from the heart to build relationships
Journaling:
Most three of cups cards have a sense of frivolity and fun as we see three women dancing and toasting. This one has a deeper meaning as the women sitting topless indicating a willingness to be open and honest with one another and to be truthful about all things. It is about letting go of our masks and getting real with the people we call friends. It's about being able to share the uncomfortable things with people, the things we'd be embarrassed to tell anyone else, it's being able to cry without worrying about the snot coming out of your nose, and being able to laugh until you snort without being embarrassed. And it's about being honest with people and knowing they won't give you advice unless you ask for it.
I grew up believing that friendship meant having people stick their nose in their business and give you unsolicited advice. And unfortunately, that is all too often the way that friendship is portrayed today. However, I learned about real friendship in Al-Anon where I learned that real friendship meant being able to just listen and witness someone's pain without rushing in to fix things. One of the things I realized in being forced (as there are rules against unsolicited advice in Al-Anon) to keep my mouth shut when people poured their hearts out was that giving advice was more for me than for the people on the receiving end. It is hard to sit and listen to someone who has a problem that you are convinced you have the solution for and keep quiet. It is uncomfortable to silently witness people's pain. However, I also learned from being the one pouring out my heart that there was something empowering about people not giving me unsolicited advice. It meant that I was free to ask for advice, if I chose to, or figure it out myself. The more I experienced this true unconditional love, the more I found myself wanting advice from people who had it together. I also realized that unwelcome advice creates a power differential as the person giving the advice inevitably acts superior to the person on the receiving end.
As I discovered that type of relationship, I realized that the relationships of my childhood were unequal relationships where I was made to feel less than for not having all the answers or for not taking unsolicited advice. My ex-husband was great at making me feel less than for not taking his advice. What he didn't realize that even if I didn't take his advice, I often listened and considered it as I developed a plan of my own. I don't have a lot of friends now as I'm still a hermit at heart, but I do have a few friends that I trust with my soul and it feels amazing to have people who love you and accept you for who you are.
Exercise:
Think about the people in your life, who do you love because they trust and empower you?
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January 1, 2017
First Impressions: Although the women are supposed to be enjoying themselves, they are not looking at each other, it is as if they are in their own little worlds. The three of cups is traditionally about friendship.
Book: Joyful, playful, joining in thriving friendships, emotional generosity
Guidance: Be sociable, make friends
Journaling:
Not a card that I'm truly thrilled about drawing. I know I need to get out and make friends, but I'm stuck in a rut.
Dearest Ones,
Please guide me to the activities that are right for me. Guide me to places where I can thrive and make real friends. And please help me to open up and to be open to people.
Blessed Be,
Raine
January 1, 2018 Review
It's been exactly a year since I wrote that and I still don't have any friends in Cleveland, but I have gotten to know myself better and I have actually tried some activities. I did go to the UU church for six weeks, but that really wasn't for me as I didn't feel welcome there. But that's okay and I've accepted that. Right now, I'm going to be open to doing new things and if something pops up, that's great, if not that's okay too as I've always been good at taking care of myself and I'm happy being by myself.
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December 8, 2016
First Impressions: I love how this cup is drawn with the three women dancing over the cups. It is such a happy card and I love the celebratory mood. I still don't like the fact that the women aren't looking at each other. Overall, this is a card of celebration and love.
Book: Surrounded by those who give you happiness, appreciation for life itself, good feelings
Guidance: Acknowledge and appreciate your loved ones, take time to celebrate, practice gratitude
Journaling
Ironic card to pull as I don't really have any friends. However, I've been paying attention and I realize that I really do shut people out. People at work invite me to parties and get togethers and I look for ways to get out of going. I guess it really comes down to that I don't want a lot of friends, I want that special person in my life and I don't know how to get there.
January 23, 2018 Review
I still don't have a lot of friends in my life, but I've become a lot more comfortable in being who I am and setting boundaries. With the insane job that I work, I have no emotional energy to have people in my life. Okay, that really does sound lame. I need to ask them to bring people into my life who will add value and emotional support versus being a drag. I'm realizing that my heart really does need to function as a valve and let love both in and out. All too often, it has been a one way pipe with love flowing out, but not much flowing in. I need to not let too much flow out. And that means I need to set boundaries and not always be so giving.
Another piece of this that strikes me is the part about practicing gratitude. I've been making a concious effort to practice gratitude lately and write down the good things that happen each day. I also make it a point to not write down the bad things that happen. Every Sunday I pull cards and record what happened during the week and I realize this really helps me to let go of all the junk.
Another thing that is really helping me to let go of the junk is to transcribe my journals and look for the lessons. This helps me to really keep what adds value and let go of all the whining and the junk.
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Ocrober 31, 2016
First Impressions: Friendship and fellowship
Book: Celebration, jubilee, merriment, people who are genuine and truly supportive
Guidance: Rejoice and celebrate
Journaling
This card is hard for me as I really don't have a lot of friendships to revel in. I'm a little shy and I'm afraid of getting close to people. I sometimes feel as if people use me and that doesn't feel very nice. I'm feeling that way around S. a lot. It feels as if when I need a reading or am buying dinner, eh has time for me, but that when I just need to talk he doesn't. I need to sit with this a little while, but it doesn't feel good.
May 26, 2018 Review
I still don't have a lot of friends, but I am feeling more comfortable in my own skin and I'm feeling more comfortable alone. I'm also realizing that it is better to be alone than to have people in your life who use you. I think where I'm at right now is that I just need to accept that people come into our lives for a reason and sometimes that reason is to teach a lesson about who to trust and who not to trust. S. was someone who I let in and I think that was okay as he helped me and listened when I really needed it. My life has changed and I no longer fit into his life. And that's okay. I can just let go and know that I learned from him and now it is time to move on.
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October 3, 2016
First Impressions: There are apples and berries growing on the trees. The three girls are close together as if they are sharing secrets. There is a tassel or a broom on the girl on the right. This card makes me think of friendship, fulfillment, and happiness.
Book: Celebration, jubilation, merriment, sincere allies who wish the seeker well, playful affection.
Guidance: Draw on the energy of the earth. Take time to enjoy friendships.
Journaling:
Ironic card to pull when I am feeling friendless and mired in loneliness. It just hurts to think about people having friends when I'm mired in this stupid half life where it feels my life has no joy and no meaning. I don't even know how to get where I want to be. I do know that I have to set better boundaries to get out of Chicago.
December 23, 2017 Review
It's over a year later and I still don't have friends, but I'm realizing I crave my alone time and I'm not really ready to give that up to have friends. I tried by joining the church, but that just all seems so fake and like the people are not very nice. I was so hurt when I wasn't able to make the first session and I said that I couldn't go because my daughter had a minor car accident and no one took the time to send me a message and say I'm sorry. I thought that was so cold and incredibly bitchy. And now they're calling and saying, "we don't think you're interested, etc., etc." Of course they're right because why would I want to hang out with people who have no compassion?
