June 27, 2022
First Impressions: This strikes me as an odd three of pentacles as it is a single person and the whole light saber thing is kind of weird.
Book: Mastery, planning, competence, teamwork, productivity, commitment
Guidance: By learning from others and connecting with community, you can truly grow
Journaling:
What's interesting to me about this card is how my tarot mind rebels against how it is portrayed. The three of pentacles is about collaboration and working with others and this card doesn't portray that. This card shows one person working alone and even though the book talks about collaboration, the visual doesn't show that and I've learned that tarot is all about the visual.
Funny thing is that I am all about working by myself and not collaborating. I hate playing second fiddle and I hate playing second fiddle. What I'm realizing is that I really am ready to lead and to drive and I'm ready for that opportunity. Now, how do I get there?
Where I'm At: I'm home and it was an amazingly beautiful day. I sat outside with the dogs for a while and it was beautiful out and we all just enjoyed the sun. There was also just enough of a breeze to make my windchimes chime and they have the most amazing resonance.
Weather: It was an amazingly beautiful day today. The sun was perfect and there was just a little bit of a breeze.
Moon Phase: Waning Crescent 2%
Sunrise / Sunset: 5:52 pm / 9:05 pm
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April 25, 2022
Deck: Tarot of Little Secrets
First Impressions: Collaboration, helping one another, fun colors, genuine liking
Book: Finding meaning in work, cooperation, talent
Guidance: Use the right tool for the job
Journaling:
This is a hard card for me as I like to have my own little sphere of influence and I hate it when people step on my toes. That is why I am good at process work as I do a great job collaborating with people who are upstream and downstream from me, but I don't do a good job of collaborating with people who do the same job as I do because I want to do my job in a way that I see fit and I don't want people telling me what to do. That's a big part of the reason that I struggle with the Evil M as she is incredibly bossy and wants to drive how everyone does things. I hate that as I have learned from my work experience that we are not robots and that we all need the latitude to tweak how we do things.
What I've come to realize is that this is not a character flaw and that it is really just accepting of how life is. I used to want everyone to follow the same processes, but then Ted told me that that was taking away people's ability to be creative and to like their job. And that really resonated with me and I found it so true.
Where: I'm home this week and I am off work today and tomorrow so that I can finish my papers that are due. One is due and turned in, one is almost complete, and one is outlined.
Weather: It is a little cold out and might rain, but it isn't horrible.
Moon Phase: Waning Crescent, 28%
Sunrise / Sunset: 6:29 am / 8:18 PM
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March 11, 2022
Deck: Light Seer's Tarot
First Impressions: I know it isn't meant to, but it looks like a stoplight. I like this card because it takes out the religious symbolism of the cad.
Book: Cooperation, community, teaching and learning, team work
Guidance: Collaborate
Journaling:
Collaboration is hard for me. I see the beauty of co-creating, but I have also been burned so many times by people who were supposed to have my back, but failed me. There were school projects were people did not do their part, there were work projects where I was left holding the bag, and then there was my marriage. We were supposed to be partners, but John was never capable of being my partner. He was incapable of carrying his weight financially, but he refused to pick up he slack at home. I never really cared about whether or not he made as much money as me, but I cared that he refused to contribute. There were so many times when he refused to get a job and refused to take care of the house. It was never fair that I had to carry the entire burden. I still carry the bulk of the burden, but the kids are starting to step up.
However, when I reflect on my life, there have been times when I have known true collaboration. Project work is all about collaboration. And my team mates at Da Bird are stepping up to do their part. It is pretty cool to see.
Where I'm At: I'm sitting at home and I am so thankful that it is Friday. It was a super rough week at work and I wasn't sure I would get though it. But I did and I have two days off! yeah.
Weather: It is cold and snowy tonight
Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous 60%
Sunrise / Sunset: 6:45 am / 6:28 pm
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February 12, 2022
Deck: Tarot of the Divine
Card: Three of Coins
First Impressions: Working together, collaboration, magick happening when people work together
Book: Studying, growth, collaboration, success, recognition
Guidance: All things are possible through collaboration
Journaling:
This is an amazing card to pull today as I had a really good session with Dr. Perkins. She made some great suggestions about my dissertation proposal that made sense and will help me have a good project that is important and doable within the time frame of a PhD. I'm hopeful that I will actually see this project to fruition, then I don't know what's next for me. It's funny that for me the allure of the PhD is not about the degree and being "Dr. Shakti." it is about learning and researching and putting information together in new and different ways. I have a good feeling about where this is going to lead.
Where I'm At: I'm home and utterly exhausted. I know it is trauma exhaustion a I pulled some cards and did some journaling today about trauma. This is a familiar feeling as after really good and healing acupuncture sessions, I would feel this same exhaustion.
Mood: I'm in a good mood today even if I am tired. Wendy is healing, we're getting the house clean.
Weather: It is 21 and snowy. It's also overcast and glooming as the sun is getting ready to set.
Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous, 84%
Sunrise / Sunset: 7:25 PM / 5:56 PM
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January 30, 2022
Deck: Tarot of the Divine
First Impressions: Joy, happiness, sharing, making music together
Book: Studying, growth, collaboration, respect
Guidance: Learn from one another
Where I'm at: I'm at home, snuggled up on my sofa with Clarkie snoring away at the other end. I also have a candle burning on my 2022 altar and I'm enjoying the peace that comes with having the house mostly to myself this morning. I've spent the last hour working on my assignment for my comparative religion research class and I'm realizing how much I love research.
Mood: Overall, I'm in a good mood today as I'm taking time to just relax and enjoy the day. However, I do have a killer headache and I'm not sure if it is from traveling or something else.
Weather: It's cold and clear with a temperature of 20 and a real feel of 14. And we are supposed to get even more snow. I think there has been more snow this year than any year that I recall.
Moon Phase: Waning Crescent, 1% illumination
Sunrise / Sunset: 7:40 am / 5:39 pm
Journaling:
As I'm reflecting on this, I often focus on the learn from others aspect of this card and do not think about learning from one another in the sense that I also have something to share. I am in an interesting place at work lately as I'm being called upon to mentor and share my knowledge more than every before. That has historically been a challenge for me as I like to be special and hold my knowledge close to the chest. However, I'm realizing that if I want to move up and have different responsibilities, I need to be willing to help others learn how to do what I do now. I was thinking the other day about the people I have learned the most from in my life and I realize that it is the people who shared their knowledge that I looked up to. It was the willingness to share openly that made them special and not the knowledge itself. All of these folks also treated me with respect and as if my lack of knowledge was just that, a lack of knowledge and not a personal failing. I'm looking forward to moving to a new role and helping others get better.
The other thing I'm realizing as I'm working on my research paper is that there are other ways to collaborate than being face to face in a room with other people. Even though I've never met the authors of the articles I'm reading, I'm collaborating with them because we are sharing knowledge across time and space and I'm learning things and may have new ways of thinking about what they wrote.
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December 27, 2021
Deck: Tarot of the DivineKey Words: #tarot three of coins learning from one another, collaboration, humility, room to grow, open to new ideas
Journaling
This card speaks to the joy of collaboration and of knowing that people have your back and are there to support you. It speaks to being open to new ideas and to letting those ideas flow.
As I am someone who always has to be in competition with someone, it is hard to collaborate and share ideas. I'm currently working with someone who challenges me and constantly asks me to explain myself and justify my way of thinking. I find this incredibly annoying as I'm used to doing things my own way and not having to collaborate or get agreement from a peer on how I do things. There is a part of me that wants to dismiss everything she says because I do not like feeling challenged. However, when I am able to see past my ego, I realize that some of her ideas are worth considering.
The funny thing about it is that I love to collaborate with people who have complementary roles, but I struggle when someone is "invading my space" or has skills that are in the same domain as mine. When that happens, I want to draw a big boundary around what is mine. This card is telling me that even if other people have good ideas, it doesn't mean that I am any less special.
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August 13, 2019
Deck: Tarot de St. Croix
First Impressions: Pay Attention
Book: Remembering Wholeness
Guidance: Skill, knowledge, and spiritual awareness will manifest abundance
Journaling
I initially picked this card because one of its associations is collaboration and for me this week is all about collaboration. We all need to share knowledge and work together in order to create amazing things. However, that being said, I belief it is also true that skill, knowledge, and spiritual awareness will manifest abundance and that is part of why I am in this class. For me, I am starting to realize that true abundance has very little to do with the size of my paycheck. My paycheck pays the bills and provides me with stuff, but it really doesn't bring me much abundance. In fact, being unhappy at work is one of the worst feelings in the world because I put my whole heart and soul into work so when that positive emotion is not returned and I'm shit on, it's really hard for me to deal with and I've been shit on a lot lately. However, none of that matters because at the end of the day it is just work and there are other jobs out there.
What I have found so amazing about this week is how the ideas are flowing and how everyone is sharing and listening to each other. I have learned so much about religion, spirituality, and health and it really makes me realize exactly how much I have to learn and made me realize how much I have to contribute if I can figure out how to get my PhD and make it work. I don't know what that looks like and I don't know how to do it, but I will just keep opening up and listening to spirit and I will figure it out.
Gratitudes
I'm grateful that Dr. Oliver was interested in my presentation
I'm grateful that Jason sat with me
I'm grateful that I didn't get pinged too much from work
I'm grateful for the yummy whoppers
I'm grateful for hanging out with Cam and chilling
I'm grateful to Sean for sending pics of the dogs
I'm grateful Charmin listened
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July 22, 2019
Deck: World Tarot
First Impressions: Sharing, consulting, agreeing
Book: Card of craftspeople and artisans, doing what you love enough to be supported by it, do work that honors you
Guidance: Be prepared for hard work
Journaling
It's interesting as I've always read this card as cooperation and working with others, but this card doesn't speak to it as it speaks to individual efforts. I did go back to check the meanings in other books and there are books that read the card as collaboration, but this card doesn't and focuses on an individual's personal effort. This gives me something different to think about as I had chosen this card in the hopes that it would inspire cooperation and teamwork. Oddly, enough in a way it did as we did have a fairly peaceful day today without a lot of drama.
However, when I look at what the card based on this reading, I realize that this is yet another message that I'm at a turning point and that I need to be prepared for my life to change in a big way. It makes sense because I've been doing a lot of thinking and reflecting on what I want to be when I grow up and I know I want to write, I want to inspire people, but I don't know if I want to work one on one with people as that takes a lot of emotional energy. I'm going to keep working with Cam on Cairn by Cairn and work on putting classes together and we'll see where it goes.
Gratitudes
I'm grateful John showed me how to do the PDF thing
I'm grateful for a good Case for Change workshop
I"m grateful there was not much drama today
I'm grateful I have a mostly dark room
I'm grateful for the quiet tonight
I'm grateful for my lemon candle
I'm grateful for a great shower
I'm grateful for yummy sushi
I'm grateful for Rainier cherries and the amazing taste they have
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April 16, 2017
Deck: Herbal Tarot
First Impressions: Collaborate
Book: Body, mind, and spirit are linked in collaboration. Having deals, being practical, persevering through obstacles
Guidance: Cultivate a deep understanding, building a foundation
Affirmation: I build a solid foundation
Journaling
What a crazy day. I was supposed to meet someone Cam knows at the library, but we ended up in lockdown. I've been thinking about the topic of collaboration a lot. I've also been thinking about faith and the need to truly trust. I've been sabotaging myself by all the doubts and all the magick. They would not have given me these feelings if it wasn't going to work. That's all I need to know.
April 22, 2017 Revisit
I'm realizing that I'm not at peace with myself and that's part of why I am on edge. I feel betrayed by my body and as a result of that feeling of betrayal, I abuse my body with sugar. I feel like my poor body is crying out with pain, but I just push myself harder. I don't honor my body. I'm not even sure how to start: massage, vitamin, or sleep? meditation, lotion. I think I start with being kind to myself.
January 14, 2022 Revisit
The day that we ended up locked in the library was the day that someone killed someone for no reason and broadcast it on Facebook. The guy that was killed, Robert Godwin, was walking home and minding his own business when this fucker (and I'm not saying his name) pulled up and shot him in the face. The shooter didn't know him or anything. Our world is such a sick place sometimes.
On the other part of this, abusing my body, unfortunately I still do that. My blood sugar and cholesterol are through the roof but I keep eating crap. Part of it is because I'm busy, but part of it is that I'm so unhappy with my life that I eat sugar to feel better. I think the thing I need to do to change is to find a way to like my life better.
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December 29, 2016
Deck: Gilded Tarot
First Impressions: I love the way the man is holding the pentacles and checking them to make sure they are correct. This card traditionally speaks to collaboration and working together.
Book: Creating and delighting in the process, collaboration, Creating what you envision, skill and spiritual values, spiritual renovation.
Guidance: Cooperate with others, new work from a spiritual perspective.
Journaling:
I love thinking about opening my soul to renovation. To me that speaks of making something good even better. I am finally starting to appreciate the beauty and wonder that is me. I'm appreciating my strengths and my perseverance. I have been given and amazing life and I am so far of how far I've come and all that I've gone through to get here.
However I can also appreciate that my halo is a little dirty and could use some polishing. I know that I have work to do in letting go and forgiving. I'm also realizing I have work to do in accepting healing work as a valid way to spend my time. I sometimes get so caught up in beating myself up for reading a book or reading my tarot cards that I forget that I'm human and my body needs rest and my soul needs this healing work. Sitting here and reading cards and journaling is a valid way to spend my time.
I think I'm jealous because people with addiction get 30 days or so to work on healing and other bruised and broken people are expected to just pick themselves up and move on with no down time. After my divorce, it would have been amazing to check out of life for 30 days and focus on healing. It would have been awesome to have structured workshops on different aspects of healing and to have someone guide me through the process of becoming whole again. I instead I was left to flounder and find my own path. I am so fortunate that I found people to help me and guide me and now I may be being led to create a program to help others. It truly is a sacred duty.
Dearest Ones,
Please guide me to create a program that will help others grow and change. Help me find ways to make people's burdens just a little lighter.
December 29, 2017
The message I've been getting from my guides lately is that I need to focus on me and focus on what is helping me. I can be an example to others to help them heal by following in my footsteps, but it is not time yet to be more active in creating something. I need to do the prep work and build the foundation before I jump right in. I'm really good at jumping right in, but I need to build my website slowly, build some class content because that's fun for me. Continue helping Scott, but I don't need to jump in with both feet right now.
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December 4, 2016
Deck: Gilded Tarot
First Impressions: Losing all progress, being unbalanced, Arrogance, not needing anyone
Book: Inefficiency, working at cross purposes, state of inner and outer discord, exhausted, overworked, burned out, not taking enough care
Guidance: Be aware of losing the magical connection to process and project, reconsider the team you are working with
Journaling
Interesting guidance as I've been thinking about the team in my life and I'm realizing that I surround myself with users who don't give back. John was a user, A can be a user to a certain extent, L is definitely a user. My gives give back what they can, but I'm definitely carrying the heaviest load.
I'm wondering if part of the reason I'm struggling with manifesting love and relationships is that I have nothing left to give. I'm overdrawn emotionally and spiritually and there is no one to fill up my reserves and take care of me. I'm really torn about mentoring someone right now because it feels as if it is someone taking from me without getting anything back and I don't have a lot to give right now.
I need to give some serous thought as to whether or not this is working and whether I can do it. I have to give serious thought to how to refill my well.
January 23, 2018
The universe has been telling me lately that I'm running on empty and I need to recharge. They are screaming this message at me as I left both my computer charger and the charger for my DVD player at home. If that's not a big time screaming message that I'm out of energy, I don't know what is. One of the ways this project has been really good for me is that I have had to rely on others and haven't been able to just jump in and do everything. I've had to let others do the heavy lifting and that has been really difficult for me.
Right now I'm working on ways to stop the energy drain and the first one is better boundaries to stop expending energy on random strangers. That means tuning out the people who talk at me on planes, taking the bus instead of a cab when I can, and, if all else fails, telling people I don't have time to talk to them. That sounds so rude, but right now I am in survival mode from an energy drain and I need to take care of myself.
I also need to find ways to recharge. I'm glad the weather is getting better because I love to walk outside and that really helps me recharge my energy.. I'm also going to take my turns walking the Clarken.
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October 27, 2016
Deck: Fairy Tarot
First Impressions: Learning from others, collaboration
Book: Integrity and ethics, spirit of service, unity, combining vision, skill, and spiritual values, spiritual renovation
Guidance: Learn from others, trust others
Journaling
Perfect card for me to draw today. This lawsuit threw me for a loop, but I received and instead of hiding from it, I stepped up and did what needed to be done. I had to rely on my teammates and ask for help. I also had to accept and realize that I have to breathe and I can't get all swirly. Getting all swirly doesn't help a whole lot. Again, pulling this card today has helped me stay focused.
May 25, 2018 Reflection
The lawsuit turned out to be a non-event. The insurance company settled with the for $25K, which is a whole lot less than they were asking for. This was a case of my turning it over, asking for help, and it all working out. At the end of the day, there was nothing that I could really do about it so the only option that I had was to turn it over.
I wish the rest of life was so easy to turn over. I let myself get all weird and swirly over stuff that I can't control and I need to stop. I need to learn to breath and to turn things over. Life is so much better when I am able to do that.
