September 23, 2022
Card Name: Eight of Thunder
First Impressions: I love how she is sea through and is trapped in front by the flowers and in back by the thunderbolts. It is as if her indecision is making her fade away.
Book: I release barriers from my mind and remember my magick.
Guidance: Choose new beginnings, choose freedom
Journaling:
I really love this deck. I love all of the cards and this one especially. I love that this card is about choosing to release that which is holding us back. Although all of the eight of swords cards have this message in some way, shape, or form, this one really seems to get the message across. I have the ability to choose new beginnings and I'm choosing those new beginnings. It is taking more time than I would like to get where I want to go, but I am making progress and I am moving forward. I've been working on my dissertation slowly by contining to do research and I am proud of myself for not just sucking it up and getting a PhD in something I hated just so that I could say I had it. I want the research to be meaningful and I want to enjoy the process.
I guess that is the message is that I need to stop wanting everything yesterday and take the time to go step by step and do the work and enjoy each step of the process. However, it also means that I am at the point in my career where I can do the work, log off and move on to my own life and pursuing that PhD.
Where I'm At: I'm home today and am so glad it is Friday. This week has been so long, but I survived and I got my big juicy bonus today and I bought new clothes and paid off some bills. It feels so good to pay off bills and to pay ahead on my house. I've cut two years off the mortgage and I'm working on paying more off.
Weather: The weather is so nice today! It is finally really and truly starting to feel like fall and I am so happy that it isn't hot anymore. My baby Wendy girl isn't happy about the weather as she goes out and gets so upset when it isn't warm enough to just sit out there for hours.
Moon Phase: Waning Crescent 6%
Sunrise / Sunset: 7:13/7:23
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July 26, 2022
Deck: Secrets of the Rose Tarot
First Impressions: I love this image of Juliet in the balcony or Rapunzel as representative of the eight of swords. It is a prettier image than the traditional eight of swords, but it still conveys the message of being trapped.
Book: Restriction, fated circumstances, being between a rock and a hard place, isolation and constraint prior to release
Guidance: Free yourself and know your worth
Journaling:
Financial entrapment is one of the biggest issues in my life and I don't know how to get out from under all the bills I owe. Part of it is that I like to treat myself and I think each little purchase doesn't matter, but the reality is that they do add up. Another thing is that there is a big part of me that is resentful that I'm still supporting the kids. For the most part, it doesn't matter as it isn't a lot of money, but supporting three cards and paying Sean's student loans is a lot. I need to figure out how to get out from under the financial burden as that will open up my options from a job and living perspective.
I am working on getting out from under the belief that I have to be perfect at work. In reality, I just need to be good enough to keep my job :)
Where I'm At: I'm at home today and it has been an interesting day today. I didn't have a lot of work scheduled today, so I was planning to get some heads down work done. However, I kept getting interrupted. And this chick from Ensure Supply just called me out of the blue. I hate that. I only call people if it is right after a meeting and I need something, because you don't know what people are working on.
Weather: The weather wasn't horrible today. It was a little hot and steamy, but not totally gross.
Moon Phase: Waning Crescent 5%
Sunrise / Sunset: 6:13 / 8:51
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March 26, 2022
Deck: Light Seer's Tarot
First Impressions: Only tied up in an alternate universe, crows, tied loosely, able to escape, blindfolded
Book: Feeling stuck, time to open your eyes, opportunity to let go of an old story
Guidance: Choose sovereignty over victimhood
Journaling:
I love this line and it is something I am working to choose everyday of my life. I know there are a lot of factors beyond my control in the world, but I do have agency and there are choices I can make. I am drawing so much strength from the Ukranian people. They were invaded by a country much bigger than them with better weapons, but they are getting off their couches and fighting. It is so inspiring to watch people face off against the Russians, make Molotov cocktails and do whatever they can to fight the Russians. So many people expected them to have lost their homeland by now, but they have stayed and fought.
Where: I'm home this week and I'm sitting on the couch while dinner cooks. The doggos are hanging out with me and I'm contemplating doing my homework in a bit
Weather: It snowed overnight and even though I was hoping for spring, the trees are beautiful covered in the white stuff.
Moon Phase: Waning Crescent, 36
Sunrise / Sunset: 7:18 am / 7:45 pm
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First Impressions: Eight of Swords
Book: Raven can easily hop out of circle of swords. The Eight of Swords is a card of empowerment, of moving beyond our limitations into the vastness of eternity.
Guidance: Most of what traps us is an illusion
Journaling
There are some days that I agree 100% that we have the ability to change our lives and to hop out of the circle of swords, but there are other days when I feel totally overwhelmed by life and feel as if nothing I do matters and that there is no way I can change my life. I do feel trapped by work and as if nothing that I do matters or means anything. I know I get paid a whole lot of money to help companies convince people to change their software and most days that feels pretty crappy. I feel like I'm just helping the man. I never wanted to go into the corporate world and I never wanted to be locked into working for a paycheck, but here I am. The worst part is that I don't know how to get out of the gilded cage that I've built for myself.
My heart is in the world of tarot and spirit, but that doesn't pay the bills and I don't know how to find something that speaks to my heart and pays the bills. The guidance from reading Lisa's blog post on the eight of swords is that I can move beyond my limitations. I don't know exactly what that means or what I need to do to change my mind or my way of thinking. I just feel trapped and as if nothing that I do matters because I am going to be on this hamster wheel forever and I'm going to continue to have to spend time doing things that don't matter to me to pay the bills.
Deck: Herbal Tarot
Update
Book: Passive aggressive behavior, acting helpless, clarity, overcoming restrictions, ready to move on, prone to self sabotage
Guidance: Be aware of giving into your helplessness, worry solves and changes nothing
Journaling
This is a rough card to receive today. Yes I know the path forward is to let go of X and start meeting people, but that sucks. I have no f*ing desire to go on random dates when 90% of the guys available suck.
January 25, 2018
Wow! I was a little whiny when I first wrote this. It's interesting that over the past year, I've had the chance to observe older (i.e 30+) guys who are single and they are all so desperate. It's like they cannot stand being alone and they jump from person to person to person. I don't know if they dislike having to face themselves in the mirror or what, but I find it a little pathetic.
I don't really dislike being alone as it gives me the opportunity to work on myself and to get to truly know who I am. That doesn't mean I don't want someone in my life, but I want the right person in my life. I don't just want to fill up space with whoever is available. I want someone who is emotionally mature, who is kind, who is loving, and is comfortable in his own skin. I don't want someone who wants/needs me to meet all his needs.
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| Eight of Air Gaian Tarot |
Card: Eight of Air
Book: Challenged to transform vision into reality with help fro friends, it is also about letting go of ego
Journaling
Based on the first impressions of this card, it is about a sense of community which is something that I truly need to find or build in my life. I am so lonely and in need of like minded people.
This card is also telling me that I can make Midwives of Change a reality, but I need to be willing to accept input from others. I have to open up my vision and ask for help from others. This is difficult for me, but I do know that asking for help and collaborating does make things better.
December 29, 2017
It's interesting the mind shift that I've had since I originally wrote this. I've realized that I really don't want to pursue creating Midwives of Change right now because I'm tired of my life being about other people and MoC is just one more way for my life to be about other people. I expend a whole lot of emotional energy at work and with the kids and I don't want to take on strangers' burdens. I will put my tarot journal out there and I'll post occasional articles that help me to clarify what I'm thinking, but my life is about me and I'm not using my life as an experiment to see what helps others.
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