Friday, September 23, 2022

Eight of Swords

September 23, 2022

Deck:  The Gentle Tarot

Card Name:  Eight of Thunder

First Impressions:  I love how she is sea through and is trapped in front by the flowers and in back by the thunderbolts.  It is as if her indecision is making her fade away.

Book:  I release barriers from my mind and remember my magick.

Guidance:   Choose new beginnings, choose freedom


I really love this deck.  I love all of the cards and this one especially.  I love that this card is about choosing to release that which is holding us back.  Although all of the eight of swords cards have this message in some way, shape, or form, this one really seems to get the message across.  I have the ability to choose new beginnings and I'm choosing those new beginnings.  It is taking more time than I would like to get where I want to go, but I am making progress and I am moving forward.  I've been working on my dissertation slowly by contining to do research and I am proud of myself for not just sucking it up and getting a PhD in something I hated just so that I could say I had it.  I want the research to be meaningful and I want to enjoy the process.

I guess that is the message is that I need to stop wanting everything yesterday and take the time to go step by step and do the work and enjoy each step of the process.  However, it also means that I am at the point in my career where I can do the work, log off and  move on to my own life and pursuing that PhD.

Where I'm At:  I'm home today and am so glad it is Friday.  This week has been so long, but I survived and I got my big juicy bonus today and I bought new clothes and paid off some bills.  It feels so good to pay off bills and to pay ahead on my house.  I've cut two years off the mortgage and I'm working on paying more off.

Weather:  The weather is so nice today!  It is finally really and truly starting to feel like fall and I am so happy that it isn't hot anymore.  My baby Wendy girl isn't happy about the weather as she goes out and gets so upset when it isn't warm enough to just sit out there for hours.  

Moon Phase:  Waning Crescent 6%

Sunrise / Sunset: 7:13/7:23


July 26, 2022

Deck:  Secrets of the Rose Tarot

First Impressions:  I love this image of Juliet in the balcony or Rapunzel as representative of the eight of swords.  It is a prettier image than the traditional eight of swords, but it still conveys the message of being trapped.

Book:  Restriction, fated circumstances, being between a rock and a hard place, isolation and constraint prior to release

Guidance:   Free yourself and know your worth


Financial entrapment is one of the biggest issues in my life and I don't know how to get out from under all the bills I owe.  Part of it is that I like to treat myself and I think each little purchase doesn't matter, but the reality is that they do add up.  Another thing is that there is a big part of me that is resentful that I'm still supporting the kids.  For the most part, it doesn't matter as it isn't a lot of money, but supporting three cards and paying Sean's student loans is a lot.  I need to figure out how to get out from under the financial burden as that will open up my options from a job and living perspective.

I am working on getting out from under the belief that I have to be perfect at work.  In reality, I just need to be good enough to keep my job :)

Where I'm At:  I'm at home today and it has been an interesting day today.  I didn't have a lot of work scheduled today, so I was planning to get some heads down work done.  However, I kept getting interrupted.  And this chick from Ensure Supply just called me out of the blue.  I hate that.  I only call people if it is right after a meeting and I need something, because you don't know what people are working on.

Weather:  The weather wasn't horrible today.  It was a little hot and steamy, but not totally gross.

Moon Phase:  Waning Crescent 5%

Sunrise / Sunset:  6:13 / 8:51


March 26, 2022

Deck:  Light Seer's Tarot

First Impressions:  Only tied up in an alternate universe, crows, tied loosely, able to escape, blindfolded

Book:  Feeling stuck, time to open your eyes, opportunity to let go of an old story

Guidance:   Choose sovereignty over victimhood


I love this line and it is something I am working to choose everyday of my life.  I know there are a lot of factors beyond my control in the world, but I do have agency and there are choices I can make.  I am drawing so much strength from the Ukranian people.  They were invaded by a country much bigger than them with better weapons, but they are getting off their couches and fighting.  It is so inspiring to watch people face off against the Russians, make Molotov cocktails and do whatever they can to fight the Russians.  So many people expected them to have lost their homeland by now, but they have stayed and fought. 

Where: I'm home this week and I'm sitting on the couch while dinner cooks.  The doggos are hanging out with me and I'm contemplating doing my homework in a bit

Weather:  It snowed overnight and even though I was hoping for spring, the trees are beautiful covered in the white stuff.

Moon Phase:  Waning Crescent, 36

Sunrise / Sunset: 7:18 am / 7:45 pm


October 2, 2019

Tarot de St. Croix

First Impressions:  Eight of Swords

Book:  Raven can easily hop out of circle of swords. The Eight of Swords is a card of empowerment, of moving beyond our limitations into the vastness of eternity.

Guidance:  Most of what traps us is an illusion


There are some days that I agree 100% that we have the ability to change our lives and to hop out of the circle of swords, but there are other days when I feel totally overwhelmed by life and feel as if nothing I do matters and that there is no way I can change my life.  I do feel trapped by work and as if nothing that I do matters or means anything.  I know I get paid a whole lot of money to help companies convince people to change their software and most days that feels pretty crappy.  I feel like I'm just helping the man.  I never wanted to go into the corporate world and I never wanted to be locked into working for a paycheck, but here I am.  The worst part is that I don't know how to get out of the gilded cage that I've built for myself.

My heart is in the world of tarot and spirit, but that doesn't pay the bills and I don't know how to find something that speaks to my heart and pays the bills.  The guidance from reading Lisa's blog post on the eight of swords is that I can move beyond my limitations.  I don't know exactly what that means or what I need to do to change my mind or my way of thinking.  I just feel trapped and as if nothing that I do matters because I am going to be on this hamster wheel forever and I'm going to continue to have to spend time doing things that don't matter to me to pay the bills.

I'm grateful for the safe drive home
I'm grateful for the good meeting with K
I'm grateful for the yummy Casey's Pizza
I'm grateful for snuggling with Wendy
I'm grateful for getting stuff done


June 18, 2019

Deck:  World Spirit Tarot

First Impressions:




I picked this card because I feel like I'm facing some really big choices and I'm not sure what I want to do.  There is a Director of OCM position open in Cleveland and there is a big part of me that wants to apply because it would mean being home and getting to sleep in  my own bed every night.  However, there is another part of me that feels tremendous loyalty to this project and to my current employer.  They've given me a tremendous opportunity and supported me as I worked to start this practice.  I'm also feeling secure in my current role as I'm working on three projects and am fully billable.  I also know that this project will go at least through 2020 so it would be easy to stay here and feel secure.  Starting a new job is hard and I have no way of judging how insane it is.  At least I know how insane my current position is.

I know that I'm not in this for the long term as I want to pursue my PhD, I want to write articles, I want to write a book, I want to do a lot of things that I need time for and while I can't do those things full time right now, this job does give me the bandwidth in the evenings to write, to work on classwork, and to do the things that are important to me.  That is a huge plus.  The other job would require a 30 minute commute each way and I have no way of knowing how crazy they are.  I could end up working a lot longer hours and having less time at home than I do now. 

I don't know what the answer is so I'm going to seek guidance and continue to work on finding my way Cairn by Cairn.  I know that if I keep taking the next right step, the path will reveal itself to me.

May 1, 2017

 Herbal Tarot

First Impressions:  Release from constraint

Book:  Clarity, overcoming restriction

Guidance:  look at thoughts and internal restrictions, rethink

Affirmation:  Doors are opening for me


Great card to draw on Beltane as I feel walls and restrictions tumbling down.  This is about opening up and being able to receive.  I feel like today is going to bring something wonderful.

May 5, 2016 Revisit

Beltane was a good day.  I threw roses in the ocean and wished for love.  It is truly difficult somedays to keep trusting.  

Dearest ones, 
It is getting hard to trust as I feel so empty and unloved.

February 10, 2022 Revisit

I still feel empty and unloved.  I feel that no one will every love me and that I am just a throwaway person who no one cares about.  Reem told us last week that she had an interview and I put it in my calendar so I remembered to wish her well, but no one every does that kind of thing for me.  It's like people just don't care about me and I don't know why.  I honestly don't know if anyone would care if I wasn't here.
April 29, 2017

Herbal Tarot

First Impressions:  Bound and captive

Book:  Frustrated, isolated, locked in situations, creating blockages, it is time to sit and focus

Guidance:  Time to rethink the direction.  Be in the moment.  Calmness and inner guidance.  Need to relax.  Be calm and quiet

Affirmation:  By releasing myself from thoughts that bind me, I can open to new concepts


I'm feeling this to a certain extent right now as I don't want to manage this project, but I know I need to stay billable.

Dearest Ones,
I need an OCM gig at itelligence now.  Please make this happen so I can start living my happy life and find my balance.

May 5, 2017
This week went okay, but I made stupid mistakes.  I need to quit rushing and take my time.  Everything does not need to be done yesterday.
December 12, 2016

Deck:  Gilded Tarot

Card:  Pulled Reversed

First Impressions:  I love this image as the swords almost seem made of light instead of steel.  It reinforces the impression that the person can escape of their own volition.  Reversed this card is about being released from constraints.

Book:  Passive aggressive behavior, acting helpless, clarity, overcoming restrictions, ready to move on, prone to self sabotage

Guidance:  Be aware of giving into your helplessness, worry solves and changes nothing


This is a rough card to receive today.  Yes I know the path forward is to let go of X and start meeting people, but that sucks.  I have no f*ing desire to go on random dates when 90% of the guys available suck.

January 25, 2018

Wow!  I was a little whiny when I first wrote this.  It's interesting that over the past year, I've had the chance to observe older (i.e 30+) guys who are single and they are all so desperate.  It's like they cannot stand being alone and they jump from person to person to person.  I don't know if they dislike having to face themselves in the mirror or what, but I find it a little pathetic.

I don't really dislike being alone as it gives me the opportunity to work on myself and to get to truly know who I am.  That doesn't mean I don't want someone in my life, but I want the right person in my life.  I don't just want to fill up space with whoever is available.  I want someone who is emotionally mature, who is kind, who is loving, and is comfortable in his own skin.  I don't want someone who wants/needs me to meet all his needs.
May 30, 2016

Eight of Air
Gaian Tarot
Deck:  Gaian Tarot

Card: Eight of Air

First Impressions:  This card speaks to me of community and working together, but the traditional meaning of the eight of swords is choosing to stay in bondage.  I'm struggling to reconcile the traditional meaning with this card.

Book:  Challenged to transform vision into reality with help fro friends, it is also about letting go of ego


Based on the first impressions of this card, it is about a sense of community which is something that I truly need to find or build in my life.  I am so lonely and in need of like minded people.

This card is also telling me that I can make Midwives of Change a reality, but I need to be willing to accept input from others.  I have to open up my vision and ask for help from others.  This is difficult for me, but I do know that asking for help and collaborating does make things better.

December 29, 2017

It's interesting the mind shift that I've had since I originally wrote this.  I've realized that I really don't want to pursue creating Midwives of Change right now because I'm tired of my life being about other people and MoC is just one more way for my life to be about other people.  I expend a whole lot of emotional energy at work and with the kids and I don't want to take on strangers' burdens.  I will put my tarot journal out there and I'll post occasional articles that help me to clarify what I'm thinking, but my life is about me and I'm not using my life as an experiment to see what helps others.

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