Daily Draw: Seven of Swords

First Impressions:  Sneakiness, taking back what's mine

Book:  Unwise action, failing plain,new ideas, challenging old assumptions

Guidance:  Do not take credit for others ideas, do not procrastinate

Journaling:

This card to me is about soul theft.  I'm realizing as I reflect on my soul retrieval that my grandmother, John, and Charlene  all stole pieces of my soul.  My grandmother did it with her careless comment.  She took away a piece of me that needed to matter to other people.  She didn't believe I was worth loving and she didn't believe I was worth making a connection to.  I reality, I don't know if that is true.  Maybe it was just a stupid and thoughtless comment.  She never treated me as if I didn't matter and I have also received unconditional love from others who did believe I mattered.

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Letter from my grandma

Lora,

I'm so sorry.  I love you and would never want you to think otherwise.  You are amazing, strong, and courageous.  I didn't want your Mommy and Daddy to feel any pain if something happened to you, but that was wrong as the reality of it is that your Daddy was attached to you the moment he laid eyes o you.  You were going to be amazing.  He struggled to reconcile his feelings about women with his desire for you to succeed. That was hard for him.  He never did like John, but he respected your choices.  You are loved and you do matter.  I am so sorry for hurting you.

Love, Grandma

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Dearest Soul Part held captive by Charlene,

I am so sorry that I didn't realize that she had you.  I did not connect the anger and resentment I was feeling with her holding you and abusing you.  Everything she told you is lies.  Women are not second class citizens and it is not our job to give everything of ourselves in service to others.  We are allowed to have our own hopes and dreams. 

Charlene is a product of another day and time.  She is an ancestor and she does not speak for the way the world is.  I am so happy you are home and we will take care of you.  Thank you for being strong while she held you captive. 

Raine

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Dearest Soul Part held captive by John,

I am so happy you are home and I am so sorry that I left you behind.  Everything that he told you is a lie.  I am not too big for my britches.  I am sexy, funny, and loving.  However it is hard to be any of those things when you are constantly being put down and abused.  You are safe in our home as bad behavior is not tolerated.  The rules of the house are that everyone is treated with respect and no one is put down.  We discuss disagreements respectfully.

Welcome home!  I am so glad you are here.

Raine,

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Dearest Soul Part that was with X,

I am glad you are back and I'm sorry that I gave you away.  Thank you for the guidance to be myself and live my best life.  I just need to be patient and let life unfold.

Blessings, Raine

December 25, 2018

This soul retrieval was so amazing and I have grown and changed so much since it has happened.  I know that I am healing because I am letting go of the anger toward Charlene.  I know in my heart of hearts that she did not mean to hurt me and that makes it easier to forgive her and let go.  However, I also know that intention isn't all that mattered.  She did hurt me and she will continue to hurt me if I let her back into my life. 

I also know that I really need to let go of John and cut the cord completely.  There are days when I wish he will fall flat on his face and other days where I hope that he has a happy life and doesn't drag Sean down with him.  At this point, what I really want is just for him to not be in my life any more.

Shadow Work--Day 28

The departing message from my shadow is...

Dreamer Princess gives me the gift of telling and of sharing what I know with others.  She also is telling me that I do not need to be attached to whether or not they receive my message.  All I need to do is speak from the heart.  There is also a warning that I need to be straightforward with people and not use my gifts to manipulate.

Maker Four tells me to hold on to what is mine, but is also a precaution against being greedy.  I need to build my own stability, but also find a way to let others in and contribute to the greater world. 

Dancer Queen tells me to find and dance my own truth.  I need to let go of all the bullshit in my life, including the lies I was told as a child about my own worth.    I am brilliant, beautiful, and amazing and I am worthy of having friends and a lover.  Unlike the messages that I continually got told as a child, my life is about more than other people.  My life is my own and I get to choose who shares it and what I do for other people.

Shadow Work Day 27

What is the main thing I have learned about myself and relationships?

The Sun tells me that I am perfect just the way I am and that it is my right to bask in the warmth of the sun, of the love of people in my life, and in the love of the gods.  I am part of a larger community and I am perfect just the way I am no matter how imperfect that may seem.  The Sun is also telling me that it is time to leave behind all the things that are keeping me from enjoying my life and that it is time to step forward into freedom.

Dancer Prince tells me that passion is my birth right.  I deserve love and passion in my life.  However, he also cautions me against losing myself in passion and going over to the dark side.  I need to keep my perspective in all things.

Warrior Three tells me that I am not alone.  I am surrounded by people who are ready to step forward and help me, if only I ask for help.  I do not have to go it alone, but can be part of a team moving forward in life and love.  From a romantic perspective, this card tells me that I need to tell the gods what I want and be sincere in asking for it.

Shadow Work--Day 26

Going forward what does my attitude on relationships need to be?

Maker Ten tells me that I create my own stability and that I need to own that.  If I have a poverty consciousness around relationships or finances, then that is what I will create.  Just as I have created wealth around material things, I can also choose to create wealth around relationships by having an open heart and being loving.  One of the key things about creating emotional wealth is knowing that I am worthy of having friends and relationships.  I am not some hideous monster to be hidden in the corner, which is what I sometimes thing.  I deserve love and friendship.

Dreamer Six is about taking a journey and choosing what to take with me and what to leave behind.  I can choose to drag around all the drama from my childhood or I can choose to learn the lessons from my childhood and take those lessons with me and leave behind the pain and the bullshit.  There is nothing to be served by dragging the pain and drama with me.

Dancer Nine tells me that my relationships and my life will be what I dream into being.  I can choose to hide under the covers in fear or I can choose to dream a beautiful and amazing life for myself.  This card is also about opening my heart and inviting people in.

The bottom line from this reading is that I can choose what my relationships look like.