September 19, 2022
Card Name: Eight of Stones
First Impressions: I love this card as it represents craft and beauty. I also really l like that it does not have the same repetitive nature as most eight of pentacles cards. This one shows that something can be one of a kind and still be beautiful.
Book: I give myself to my craft. It is the divine flowing through me.
Guidance: Doing what you love heals
I love this card and the reminder to hold what I love sacred. I love school and I love writing and I am working to a future that holds both of those things. In the meantime, I need to find the joy in what I do on a regular basis and I need to recognize what I can learn from each situation that I'm in. I know that
Where I'm At: I'm at home today starting my second week at PPL. It was actually a good day as things are really starting to make sense to me. I also got good news about Wendy and she just needs to have her numbers monitored as nothing showed up on her x-ray. That made me so happy as I spent most of the day freaking out.
Weather: It rained this morning after I took Wendy to the vet, but then it actually turned out to be a fairly nice day.
Moon Phase: Waning Crescent 35%
Sunrise / Sunset:
February 26, 2022
Deck: Light Seer's Tarot
First Impressions: Eight of pentacles, split attention between spiritual and mundane, guided by the moon, working for a living
Book: mastering a skill, and expert, patience and determination, finding your life's purpose
Guidance: Remain dedicated to your own excellence
This card is a reminder that I will not get where I want to go without putting in the work. The problem is that I'm not sure where I want to go. I love school and I love researching and studying and putting facts together, but I also know that I am 55 and I don't know if I would even have future in Academia. I'm also wondering how one goes about studying to be an intuitive and to live a life of healing and helping. I don't know how to get there. Maybe the solution is to be "dedicated to my own excellence" and to continue to follow my heart wherever it leads. Right now it is leading me to school and to continuing to learn. Work pays he bills and the good thing is that I can do it without putting too much effort into it. Maybe I just continue what I'm doing right now and see where it leads me. I do know that I want to right a book about using tarot to heal from trauma.
Where I'm At: My energy is scattered right now as it feels like the world is coming down around our ears.
Weather: It is cold and crisp outside. It isn't snowing anymore, but it is cold at 27 degrees
Moon Phase: Waning Crescent 22%
Sunrise / Sunset: 7:05 am/ 6:13 pm
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------September 1, 2019
Deck: Tarot de St. Croix
First Impressions: Industry, working
Book: Creating a fertile habitat
Guidance: Focus your work attention on the physical work needed to achieve your drams
Today I focused on school work which may not be exactly the message intended by this card, but it is physical work as it involves working on the computer, reading books, and a lot of thinking. The thinking is amazing and hard as I'm learning a lot of new concepts and it is really expanding my mind and my heart, but it is also difficult as I feel my heart and brain tugged toward something new, but I still need to do my existing job to pay the bills. That is a quandary to be in and I don't exactly know what the solution is.
This card is also a reminder to pay attention to my physical surroundings and I don't do a good job of that. It is so hard to take care of the house, work full time, and go to school. I also hear my mother's flipping voice in my head as she tells me to "clean my room." However, as time goes by I am am finding it increasingly easy to ignore her. She is a product of another generation, a generation where women were slaves to their family and they were supposed to sacrifice their own hopes and dreams for those of others. I initially thought that was something that only my own mother drilled into my head, but the more I listen to other women's stories, the more that I realize that this was a generational thing and that a lot of women endured these evil lessons from their parents.
The thing is that I do take pride in my house and I do want it to be a pleasant place to live, but I also don't have the time or energy to clean up after three people and two dogs, especially because we are all slobs. I guess the key is to just keep plugging away and do a little at a time.
I'm grateful for the yummy turkey
I'm grateful that Cam was okay with the burgers as they didn't have the roast
I'm grateful to Sean for taking stuff to the curb
I'm grateful for the cool weather
I'm grateful that I mostly got the dining room table cleaned off
I'm grateful to Sean for putting dishes away
I'm grateful I spent time cleaning the wood room
First Impressions: Diligence, being supported
Book: Ready to take a talent to the next level of mastery, experienced teacher can provide guidance
Guidance: Long hours of practice will be ready
I chose this card today because today was a day when I really felt like I was advancing in my job and ready to take it to the next level. Because of my efforts we have multiple projects with full OCM in the pipeline and people are honestly looking at what we do having an educational component instead of just getting through the workshops. That was refreshing to hear and I felt as if I was vindicated in all the hard work that I do. However, even though I may be at the forefront of the efforts, it is and always has been a team effort as I couldn't do this without the support of my management team and without mentorship. It is so incredibly helpful to have someone to go to when things get rough and to have someone who can give me guidance about the company and how to navigate.
The personal work I've done has also paid off as I'm starting to see how I self sabotage and refuse to view myself as a leader because of my dad's belief that women should not take high paying jobs because men need them more. That was a bullshit comment that my dad made and it was wrong. What he seemed not to understand is that a) jobs should be given to the people who are the most qualified and should not be given out based on need and that b) there are plenty of women who are responsible for supporting their families. I loved my father dearly, but that was one of the most asinine things I've ever heard anyone say and the really unfortunate part is that I had no idea until recently how much I had taken that stupid comment to heart and was believing that as a woman I had no right to be in a position of power. Although intellectually, I saw the stupidity and misogyny in this comment, there was obviously a little piece of my soul that bought into this viewpoint and I've been self sabotaging every time I have people reporting to me. However, it's time for that to stop and I'm ready to move into a more senior role.
|Eight of Pentacles|
Robin Wood Tarot
Book: Time to explore your goals, being unhappy at your job, need for future training
Guidance: Vary the routine, try a more flexible approach
The eight of pentacles reversed has show up twice recently, which makes sense as I'm unhappy with my job. I really dislike the travel and I hate working with clients who have absolutely no clue. I feel stuck, but I do like the paycheck and security and these are important. I'm not going to say it is hard to make it in a spiritual business because I know sometimes doors open up and things fall into place.
Please help me to be open to opportunities and please provide these opportunities that will guide me down the right path.
January 2, 2018
I'm getting cold chills (and not from the drafts) as I read this. Shortly after I wrote this, I ended up moving over to itelligence because work dried up at NTT. It was really weird how the job came about because I reached out to John B. as a reference and he ended up creating a job for me. And the past year has been spent learning about patience and perseverance and about learning sales skills. That's pretty wild.
Thank you for opening up this opportunity. Please help me to learn all that I need to learn so I can take the next steps.
Book: Steady progress, training, manifestation, on going process of sowing and reaping, concentrate on each step, on the right track
Guidance: Focus on each step, stead progress, learn the lessons as presented
This was a great card to pull today as I'm being presented with so many lessons. I'm learning to surf the energy so much more than I ever could before and I am truly learning to live in the present and not got all sucked into what might happen For instance at work, I'm focusing on what I can do and what I can't. I'm in a good space.
May 25, 2018
For me, this card applies not so much to technical skills but to emotional and spiritual skills. I am learning that for me when I start wanting to pull away from my journaling and distract myself, I am facing something that is very uncomfortable for me. Right now, I'm focusing on the push/pull of being alone. I always thought that everyone felt empty and alone when they were not the center of attention, however, I'm starting to realize that most people are capable of maintaining their own sense of identity when they are alone. That is hard for me to do. I constantly am worried about what other people think about me instead of being concerned about what I think of me.
Sometimes I feel as if I am easily disposable and that I am empty inside if I do not produce or do great things for other people. It feels as if there is no substance to me and that it is all about what I produce or do for other people. It feels as if I don't matter. And I can tell that I am getting close to a monumental truth because I have the urge to surf the internet, to go get ice cream, or to distract myself in some other way from facing the hard truths.
However, I also know that I need to be kind to myself and not yell at myself or punish myself for being afraid of facing and admitting how empty I feel inside. I can tell that I am looking for someone else to fill me up because I'm searching my email for something from the tarot person I reached out to and from my shaman. I want them to give me the answers and tell me that I am okay and that I am a good person
I'm also looking for S. to fill me up and tell me I'm okay and that he has not walked away from me and that he has just been busy. I am seeking validation from other people instead of myself and that is not a good spot for me to be in. I need to take a deep breath and go within me to find out who I am and what I need to do. I need to be appropriate and not beat myself up, but not distract myself either.
The person who gave birth to me, I don't even think I can call her a mother any more, profoundly screwed me up by teaching me that my life was all about other people and I am working really hard to reclaim myself and my own sense of belonging within my skin.
I have come so far on this quest to not need outside validation and to accept my own worthiness, but there are days when all the emptiness comes flooding back into my very soul. I also know that sometimes it is okay to distract myself, especially with chores as sometimes the feeling of accomplishment helps me feel batter about myself.
Card: Pulled Reversed
Book: Seeking success without effort, need to evaluate whether you are in the right job, the seeker is wasting his talents, move forward with a project
Guidance: Move forward on a project
For me, I know this card is not telling me that I'm not working hard enough on my day job because I don't know how I could work any harder. It could be telling me that I'm not working hard enough on Midwives of Change. I have been so busy and so tired that I haven't been able to put the time into things that matter to me. I certainly hope things settle down, because I don't know how much longer I can keep up this pace.
December 23, 2017
I'm still not positive what the message of this card was a year ago, but I made the decision earlier this year to let go of Midwives of Change. I made that decision when I realized that I wasn't living my life for me, but I was using myself as a guinea pig to see what methods worked so that I could write about them. I want my life to matter to me and not just matter to other people.
I struggled with the decision to put my Tarot Journal online because that seemed to be just one more way to live my life for others instead of myself. However, once I committed to Swedish Death Cleansing and realized that putting my journal online meant I could keep the lessons and ditch the hurtful comments and whining, I decided that putting it online was what was best for me. I also established Rules for Readers so that they understand I'm not putting myself out there as a Tarot Guru, but simply living my life.
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