Sunday, June 30, 2019

Deliberate Draw: Goddess of the Week

Isis calls to us to come and crawl into her lap and to let ourselves be loved.  She is about sinking into a mother's lap and knowing that you are loved unconditionally. I have always had an odd relationship with Isis because she is my matron Nephthys sister.  Isis is, obviously, the more well known of the sisters and she is the one that people think of when they think of Egyptian Goddesses.  She is the mother figure, she nurtures, she provides.  Nephthys has a darker reputation as she was the wife of Set who killed Osiris.  People forget that she was right by Isis side as she mourned her husband.  Because of this history and because Isis is more well known, I've always felt that Nephthys would feel slighted if I got too close to Isis. 

However, as my spirituality and my relationship with Nephthys has matured, I've realized that Isis and Nephthys are two sides of the same coin.  Isis is, for me, the kind and loving mother who takes you into her lap and lets you snuggle while Nephthys is the one who nags you to clean your room.  Both are very important and if  you just grow up with the warm and snuggly mom and don't have discipline, you will grow up to be an entitled jerk.  However, by the same token if you just grow up with the hard ass you will grow up not believing you are worthy of love.  I grew up believing I was not worthy of love because I never got the warm snuggly side of the goddess.  I always got the "clean your room" and "take care of everyone else" side of the goddess. 

In some ways, I think that is why Nephthys showed up for me first as she was the goddess I needed.  Although I saw her warm side and she made it clear that she was in it for the long haul, she also wasn't someone who had a nice warm lap to climb into.  I don't think I would have known what to do if I had encountered a goddess with a warm and snuggly lap.  I don't think I would have trusted her as I was so used to being pushed aside or told I wasn't good enough unless I was doing something for someone else.  Nephthys gained my trust because she was a little standoffish and she showed her love by guiding me and directing me.  I learned that I could scream and yell at her and she would still be there for me.

In learning to trust Nephthys and her not so warm and snuggly love, I've learned that I am worthy of love just for being myself and that I don't need to prove anything or do anything to be worthy of love.  Knowing this has helped me learn to trust love and I think I'm finally ready to just snuggle into Isis lap and let her love surround me.

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