Thursday, April 28, 2022

Page of Pentacles

April 28, 2022

Deck:  Tarot of Little Secrets

First Impressions:  Joyousness, life blood, child

Book:  Enthusiasm, beginning a new path, initiation

Guidance:  Be a shepherd to your own instincts

Journaling:

The saying be a shepherd to your own instincts really resonates with me a it means that we need to evaluate our instincts and herd them in the right direction.  I sometimes have instincts that are not healthy as I have suffered so much trauma in my life.  My first instinct is to seek revenge and destroy people who are unkind to me.  However, I realize now that those instincts are rooted in the trauma that I suffered in the past.  While in the past, I could not walk away from bullies or put them in their place with a word, I have that power now.

I have also learned that one of the best ways to put a bully in their place is to be successful and to be your own person.  As I reflect on my life, I realize is that this is why other people were able to just say Ahmed is an idiot, while I took what he said to heart and let it get under my skin.  Other people understood that his hatefulness was his own thing, but I took it as a reflection on me.  I need to step back from the Evil M and realize that this is her own thing and really has nothing to do with me.  Of course, then my lizard brain goes, "But she could destroy you at work."  However, my grownup brain knows that's not true.  I can just walk away.  I have enough experience that comments from her are not going to destroy me.

Where: I'm home this week and sitting in my messy living room.  I cannot wait to be done with school, because then I'm going to deep clean the house.  It will take a while, but I'll get it done

Weather:  It is cold, but clear outside

Moon Phase:  Waning Crescent, 6%

Sunrise / Sunset: 6:25 am / 8:22 PM

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February 15, 2022

First Impressions:  Industry, taking care of others, co-creating reality

Book:  Settling goals, loyalty, positivity, opportunities, manifestation

Guidance:  Welcome a fresh start

Journaling:

I love this card and seeing it always reminds me of Heidi up in the alps with her goats.  The message I take from this is to take care of others and to co-create your own reality.  While we do influence our lives, we also co-create reality with every person and system we interact with.  I think the thing we often forget about realty is that we are impacted by the systems we interact with and those systems are often racist and sexist and designed to deny success to anyone who does not look like the majority (white and male).  

This raises the question of whether or not it is possible to create a life outside of the mainstream.  A life where the things that I value are valued.  Sometimes I feel so trapped in capitalism and lately I feel even more trapped because it is the insurance I have through my job that pays for my $3,500 worth of medicine every month.  It is outrageous that these drugs cost this much.

I guess the only thing to do is keep turning it over and see where I end up.

Where I'm At:  I'm at home today sitting on the couch before I need to get to work.

Mood: I don't feel good as I have a lousy sinus infection/allergies today, but I'm not in a bad mood.  I'm also tired because the big GreyBe did not sleep well so she kept me up.

Weather:  It is 11 degrees and sunny outside.  It is one of those bright and sunny days where the sun makes it look so much warmer than it is.

Moon Phase:  Waxing Gibbous, 98%

Sunrise / Sunset: 7:21 am / 5:59 pm

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February 2, 2022


Deck:  Tarot of the Divine

Card:  Page of Coins

First Impressions:  Innocence, love of nature, frolicking, early responsibility, taking ownership

Book:  Setting goals, loyalty, positivity, opportunity, manifestation

Guidance:  Set up a solid foundation for a bright future

Journaling

This card makes me think about Heidi and being innocent and frolicking in nature.  However, when I think about Heidi I realize that for a child she did work and take care of her goats.  She had to be responsible and take care of other beings.  However, it also reminds me of the need to be kind and take ownership of what's going on in the world.

As I reflect on this, this card is about having fun while being industrious.  It is a reminder that work can be fun and I needed that today.  Work has become such drudgery that I don't enjoy it anymore.  I need to figure out how to make money doing something that I love.

Where I'm at:  I'm home today and we are anticipating a huge storm.  It's raining right now, but it is supposed to start snowing at 9 and snow for the next two days.  I wish that there was such a thing as snow days as it would be so nice to just snuggle in and enjoy being snowbound.

Mood:  I was in a crappy mood today because it is getting ready to snow again and I'm feeling as if I will never be warm and never be able to go outside.  However, I set up an altar for Bridget and I'm starting to feel better.  Even though the house is a mess there is something about lighting candles and taking care of the altar that helps me feel better.

Weather:  It us currently 38 degrees and raining.  it is supposed to start snowing at 9 pm and we'll be trapped for two days.

Moon Phase: Waking, Crescent

Sunrise / Sunset: 7:37 am / 5:44 pm



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April 5, 2018

Deck:  RWS

First Impressions:  Learning, intelligence

Journaling

I'm not doing my usual recap because I just pulled this card two days ago.  I have no clue as to what it means,but this card has shown up about four ties lately.   The page can be about a need to focus to gain rewards.  It could be an opportunity or an invitation. 

Spirit,

Please tell me what the page of pentacles means for me.  Thank you.

For now, I am going to go about my business and trust that it will all be revealed to me.

December 29, 2018  Revisit

I'm realizing that in retrospect, the Page was telling me two things.  The first is about Cam and supporting her love of learning and the second is about my own love of learning.  The Page is telling me that it is right to explore and learn and to follow my passions.  I am so excited about going back to grad school.  I know it will be challenging, but I'm also very very excited.


January 22, 2022 Revisit

Getting my MA was one of the most amazing experiences of my life.  I learned so much showing up and doing the work.  I also love the work I'm doing now and how open it makes me to experience life.  I think that is why I struggled with the Leadership programs as I didn't learn anything about me.

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April 3, 2018

Deck:  RWS

First Impressions:  
Wonder, intelligence

Book:  My path is wide open and I am prepared for new adventures

Guidance: Could represent someone young who is depending on me, time to start over

Journaling

This is another card that has been stalking me.  I am not sure if it refers to Cam just starting out or if it represents me beginning a new endeavor.  Whatever it represents, I am just glad that I am out of my black funk and ready to move forward.  I almost feel like this card is Cam in her sparkling boots holding her future in her hands.

December 27, 2018  Revisit

This card definitely feels like me today.  I am so excited to be starting school and beginning a new adventure.  The most amazing part of this adventure is that I'm not 100 percent sure where it is going to lead me and I'm okay with that.  I'm not feeling like I have to know the outcome.  I'm just ready to see where it leads me and that in and of itself is an amazing place to be.

January 14, 2022  Revisit

Interesting as I said I felt like the card was stalking me.  I'm not sure where the other pulls are because the only Page of Pentacles recorded prior to this was 2017.  I'm going to have to search through my paper journals to see where it shows up.


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November 2, 2016


Deck:  Faerie Tarot

First Impressions:  Excitement for new projects

Book:  Wanting to make a difference, pragmatic, results oriented, excited about learning

Guidance:  Stay focused

Journaling

This was a great card to receive today as I needed the reminder that I do have what it takes to achieve what I want.  I just need to stay focused and do the work.  It's harder to apply the skills I use in the work world to love, but I'm getting there.

I do know that I need to spend the next year focused on my body.

May 27, 2018 Revisit

I haven't done such a good job focusing on my body and I really do need to take a step back and figure out what my poor neglected body needs to do to thrive.  A lot of it has to do with taking the time to eat healthy food and to let go of my addiction to sugar.  I'm realizing that the sugar addiction is the same as the alcohol addiction when I was younger.  I crave soda and I have rituals around it.  I need to go back to the first step and admit that I am powerless over sugar and that my life around it has become uncontrollable.  I need to focus on finding healthy solutions, eating more fruit, and really letting go of my addiction to the hard stuff (i.e. sugar).  This is day two without soda and I'm not feeling too badly.  I also bought some caffeine patches which I hope will help me.

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April 11, 2016

Deck:  Herbal tarot

First Impressions:  New beginnings, intellectual curiosity

Book:  New skills and knowledge, wanting to understand the earth, letting the childish wonder out

Guidance:  Taking risks, don't be shallow, have good faith

Affirmation:  I let the childish wonder out.

Journaling

What an appropriate card to pull today.  It will be interesting to see where this leads me.  I feel a lot more hopeful today.  Everyone totally supports having OCM.  I just have to get through this initial phase.  I know we will soon sell OCM and I will be uber busy.  I just have to get through this initial phase and I have to trust.  That's not something that I'm good at.

May 17, 2016 Update

I'm still feeling hopeful.  Part of me hates being viewed as a newbie, but it also means I have lots of opportunities to learn.

January 14, 2022 Revisit

It's interesting to read this and know that it was shortly after I started at itelligence.  I am so proud of the work that I did there.  It was hard and I felt totally out of my element, but I persevered and created an OCM practice I was proud of.  For me, it doesn't matter so much if what I did "stuck" or if NTT jumped in and took over, what matters is that I had grit and I was creative and I sold a lot of OCM.  It wasn't perfect and there are things I would have done better, but going through this experience and learning and growing and realizing what I was capable of was invaluable.  It really helped me to see what I can do when I put my mind to it.   The challenge for me will be having the grit to do this for myself and not for a company.  That is, in some ways, a harder challenge.


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