October 23, 2022
First Impressions: This card always makes me think of the matrix as the figure is looking through the drawings
Book: Approach projects with youthful exuberant energy.
Guidance: Creativity and diligence will take you far
Journaling:
I am so glad it is Autumn. I struggled all summer because it was miserably hot and I just felt sick constantly. I am actually starting to feel better again and I know that once I get back on track with my meds i will feel better and better. I think I just have to do my due diligence in the icky months (May through September) and proactively take allergy and sinus pills and accept that I will be low energy.
What is interesting is that I'm snuggling into the darkness and reveling in death practices. I don't exactly know why the study of death makes me feel comforted, but it does. It makes me feel connected to my ancestors and it is a reminder that we all end up dead.
Where I'm At: I'm at home today and we were going to go to the zoo, but didn't because Seano needed sleep. However, I had a good day as I got a lot of work done around the house, sat outside with the doggos for a while, then watched Top Gun Maverick. It was an interesting movie as it was full of the air acrobatics you would expect, but there were also some touching moments as you saw the old war horse come through and save the day.
Weather: It was an absolutely beautiful day outside. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect
Moon Phase: Waning Crescent 5%
Sunrise / Sunset: 7:46/6:34
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April 28, 2022
First Impressions: Joyousness, life blood, child
Book: Enthusiasm, beginning a new path, initiation
Guidance: Be a shepherd to your own instincts
Journaling:
The saying be a shepherd to your own instincts really resonates with me a it means that we need to evaluate our instincts and herd them in the right direction. I sometimes have instincts that are not healthy as I have suffered so much trauma in my life. My first instinct is to seek revenge and destroy people who are unkind to me. However, I realize now that those instincts are rooted in the trauma that I suffered in the past. While in the past, I could not walk away from bullies or put them in their place with a word, I have that power now.
I have also learned that one of the best ways to put a bully in their place is to be successful and to be your own person. As I reflect on my life, I realize is that this is why other people were able to just say Ahmed is an idiot, while I took what he said to heart and let it get under my skin. Other people understood that his hatefulness was his own thing, but I took it as a reflection on me. I need to step back from the Evil M and realize that this is her own thing and really has nothing to do with me. Of course, then my lizard brain goes, "But she could destroy you at work." However, my grownup brain knows that's not true. I can just walk away. I have enough experience that comments from her are not going to destroy me.
Where: I'm home this week and sitting in my messy living room. I cannot wait to be done with school, because then I'm going to deep clean the house. It will take a while, but I'll get it done
Weather: It is cold, but clear outside
Moon Phase: Waning Crescent, 6%
Sunrise / Sunset: 6:25 am / 8:22 PM
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February 15, 2022
First Impressions: Industry, taking care of others, co-creating reality
Book: Settling goals, loyalty, positivity, opportunities, manifestation
Guidance: Welcome a fresh start
Journaling:
I love this card and seeing it always reminds me of Heidi up in the alps with her goats. The message I take from this is to take care of others and to co-create your own reality. While we do influence our lives, we also co-create reality with every person and system we interact with. I think the thing we often forget about realty is that we are impacted by the systems we interact with and those systems are often racist and sexist and designed to deny success to anyone who does not look like the majority (white and male).
This raises the question of whether or not it is possible to create a life outside of the mainstream. A life where the things that I value are valued. Sometimes I feel so trapped in capitalism and lately I feel even more trapped because it is the insurance I have through my job that pays for my $3,500 worth of medicine every month. It is outrageous that these drugs cost this much.
I guess the only thing to do is keep turning it over and see where I end up.
Where I'm At: I'm at home today sitting on the couch before I need to get to work.
Mood: I don't feel good as I have a lousy sinus infection/allergies today, but I'm not in a bad mood. I'm also tired because the big GreyBe did not sleep well so she kept me up.
Weather: It is 11 degrees and sunny outside. It is one of those bright and sunny days where the sun makes it look so much warmer than it is.
Moon Phase: Waxing Gibbous, 98%
Sunrise / Sunset: 7:21 am / 5:59 pm
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First Impressions: Learning, intelligence
Journaling
I'm not doing my usual recap because I just pulled this card two days ago. I have no clue as to what it means,but this card has shown up about four ties lately. The page can be about a need to focus to gain rewards. It could be an opportunity or an invitation.
Spirit,
Please tell me what the page of pentacles means for me. Thank you.
For now, I am going to go about my business and trust that it will all be revealed to me.
December 29, 2018 Revisit
I'm realizing that in retrospect, the Page was telling me two things. The first is about Cam and supporting her love of learning and the second is about my own love of learning. The Page is telling me that it is right to explore and learn and to follow my passions. I am so excited about going back to grad school. I know it will be challenging, but I'm also very very excited.
Book: My path is wide open and I am prepared for new adventures
Guidance: Could represent someone young who is depending on me, time to start over
Journaling
This is another card that has been stalking me. I am not sure if it refers to Cam just starting out or if it represents me beginning a new endeavor. Whatever it represents, I am just glad that I am out of my black funk and ready to move forward. I almost feel like this card is Cam in her sparkling boots holding her future in her hands.
December 27, 2018 Revisit
This card definitely feels like me today. I am so excited to be starting school and beginning a new adventure. The most amazing part of this adventure is that I'm not 100 percent sure where it is going to lead me and I'm okay with that. I'm not feeling like I have to know the outcome. I'm just ready to see where it leads me and that in and of itself is an amazing place to be.
Book: Wanting to make a difference, pragmatic, results oriented, excited about learning
Guidance: Stay focused
Journaling
This was a great card to receive today as I needed the reminder that I do have what it takes to achieve what I want. I just need to stay focused and do the work. It's harder to apply the skills I use in the work world to love, but I'm getting there.
I do know that I need to spend the next year focused on my body.
May 27, 2018 Revisit
I haven't done such a good job focusing on my body and I really do need to take a step back and figure out what my poor neglected body needs to do to thrive. A lot of it has to do with taking the time to eat healthy food and to let go of my addiction to sugar. I'm realizing that the sugar addiction is the same as the alcohol addiction when I was younger. I crave soda and I have rituals around it. I need to go back to the first step and admit that I am powerless over sugar and that my life around it has become uncontrollable. I need to focus on finding healthy solutions, eating more fruit, and really letting go of my addiction to the hard stuff (i.e. sugar). This is day two without soda and I'm not feeling too badly. I also bought some caffeine patches which I hope will help me.
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