February 28, 2022
Deck: Light Seer's Tarot
First Impressions: Different perspective, grasping for things one cannot achieve, looking into the light
Book: Surrendering to the will of the cosmos, a deliberate pause, letting go, acceptance, re-aligning with your heart and purpose
Guidance: Push beyond your current boundaries
This is a card I needed to pull today. Surrender to the will of the cosmos. I always want to control the outcomes and know the next step, but maybe I just need to surrender my need to know and just continue to do the next right thing. The next right thing is to put out there what I want and need and to surrender to what comes. Maybe I just need to accept that my current job is just job. I don't need to be passionate about it. I don't even need to like it a whole lot. I just need to focus on what I can control. I need to quit thinking beyond the actual work.
Eventually, things will change as long as I am focusing on what needs to be done and keeping myself open to opportunities. It may be that this job is a good place to be because I can do the stupid work and spend my own time on what matters to me.
Where I'm At: I'm sitting at home this week about to watch one of the three shows I watch this week. The house is calm and live is good.
Weather: It's actually nice outside. It's not too cold
Moon Phase: Waning Crescent 6%
Sunrise / Sunset: 7:02 am / 6:16 pm
Note: This and the next few cards include a mixture of messages from the Tarot de St. Croix and Dark Goddess Tarot as I'm working through messages from this month.
|Tarot de St. Croix|
First Impressions: Heart chakra, halo, finding balance
Dark Goddess Tarot: What has been lost lives in hidden places
Guidance from the Dark Goddess Tarot: Surrender to the inexorable forces of time, get in touch with your intuition, look at symbols, look at things from a different point of view
|Dark Goddess Tarot|
Tiamet was the Goddess of the Month and in the Dark Goddess Tarot she is the Hanged One. As I pulled cards for this month, I was struck by a sense of dread and dislike. It made me want to throw my tarot cards out the window as the messages of the cards I pulled were deep and scary and there was so much truth that I wanted to hide and ignore the messages that I was being given. Before plunging into the reading, I needed to journal on the Goddess of the Month and on the need to surrender. Surrender is not something that I'm comfortable with as I often equate surrender with giving up and giving up is not something I like to do. In the past, I've fought to the death to avoid surrendering, even if surrender was the smart thing to do.
However, over the last few years I've learned that surrendering to circumstances or surrendering to the gods is different than surrendering to a person. In my family of origin, surrender was viewed as weakness and if you surrendered you were likely to be humiliated and abused. That lessen carried over into my marriage as we did not fight in a healthy manner instead it was escalate and humiliate until one person became submissive. There was no discussion or working things out and surrendering meant degradation. I still get trapped in that mindset sometimes and I struggle with surrendering to circumstances or other people as I am terrified of other people having dominion over me and to me surrender means giving someone dominion.
One of the things I have been learning to do, although I am far from perfect at it, is realizing that surrendering to circumstances is different than surrendering to people. When I surrender to circumstances, I am accepting what is and moving forward from a basis in reality instead of what I want to happen. When I can surrender and accept the world as it is instead of trying to bend the world to meet my happy version of reality, I'm in a much better place.
Book: Tree of life, define wisdom, spiritual transformation
Guidance: Personal sacrifice, being future rewards, let go of clutter, surrender
This card is actually about sacrifice. I'm doing what needs to be done to move forward, but I'm paying a huge price for it. The fact of the matter is that I'm tired of sacrificing myself for others. I'm tired of accommodating needy clients and I jut don't know how to change it.
January 2, 2018
I think the key is to draw clear boundaries about what is and what isn't my responsiblity and to learn to say no without worrying about what other people think. There are times when we do need to give our all and go the extra mile, but that is not every time the client asks us too. Sometimes they just need to learn that no means no. I've also learned to escalate and ask for help when I need it. Those are not perfect solutions, but they are really helping me to have more peace of mind.
Apparently, I decided to pull a second card from an oracle deck and pulled the Camel from the Spirit Guides Deck.
I love that so much. I am protected and watched over. I just have to do my part and trust them to do theirs. Right now my part is to keep working on work and on my Midwives of Change stuff and do my love spell.