Monday, August 29, 2022

Seven of Wands

August 29, 2022

Deck:  The Gentle Tarot

First Impressions:  I love this card as it shows a female standing in front of fire with a crow on her shoulder.  To me this card is very Morrigan-esque

Book:  I know what I stand for.  I know how to protect it.  I am fire

Guidance:   Step into your power


I love this reminder to step into my power, but there are times this is extremely difficult.  I feel that way right now as there is part of me that feels I am running away and not living in my power.  I am so unhappy and work and if I had to name one thing that was driving me away, I would honestly say the Evil M.  She is such a fucking know it all bitch and I can't stand her.  The Idiot B is actually second to her because I have to deal with her more often and she is just such a pushy bitch.  I could not believe that yesterday after I gave my announcement, she had to reclaim the attention.  She just cannot stand to not be the center of attention.  I don't know how to combat that, because actually her boss should shut her down.  I am starting to wonder if he doesn't shut her down because Asshole B. is the one that wanted to hire her.

I guess stepping into my power can also mean making the best decisions for me. 

Where I'm At:  I had to go into the office today and it sucked.  I didn't have the final confirmation on my new job yet so I had to sit there and pretend to be engaged.  I did turn in my resignation in the evening, but I hated sitting there all day and pretending.

Weather:  It was hot today.  I took the Bento beast to work and about died on the way home with no air conditioner

Moon Phase:  Waxing Crescent 5%

Sunrise / Sunset: 6:48 / 8:05


July 25, 2022

Deck:  Secrets of the Rose Tarot

Card Name:  Seven of Batons

First Impressions:  There is definately Christian symbolism in this card as the man is fighting with a seven headed snake and we all know snakes are generally representative of the goddess. The thing that is super strange about this card for me is that the man is naked.  I'm not sure what's up with that.

Book:  Best outcome by sustained effort, opposition defeated, valor, debate and negotiation, positive changes, knowledge

Guidance:   Prevail against all obstacles


From a modern perspective, this card speaks to me of multitasking and of having to continually juggle multiple tasks.  However, the older I get the more I realize that multitasking really isn't a time saver and that you lose focus when you multitask.  I know that when I work and watch TV, I generally only pick up the bare minimum of the plot.  What i am really starting to learn is that life is all sacred and we should treat it as such.  The more that we try to do and the thinner we are stretched, the less successful we are at anything.  Life as a whole should be treated with reverence and I don't think we do that.  I think we work to rush though life and get as much done as possible without savoring the opportunities that life gives us to be present.

I've also realized that deep seated gratitude and reverence cannot be rushed.  It is something that needs to be done slowly and with deep seated gratitude.  As I come to realize this, I am working to slow life down and really approach life in all its forms with reverence and gratitude.

Where I'm At:  It's just 8 am and I am sitting in the messy house with the dogs.  I spent a great 45 minutes upstairs meditating and saying prayers and I cam downstairs in such a peaceful mood.

Weather:  It's cool and wet outside.  It stormed overnight so the ground and cushions are still wet, which means the Great Wendini does not want to sit outside today.

Moon Phase:  Waning Crescent 9%

Sunrise / Sunset: 6:12/ 8:52 


 December 31, 2021

  Tarot of the Divine

First Impressions:  Defend what you believe in, stand up for what is right

Book:  Endurance, attack, fighting for beliefs, perserverance

Guidance:  Stand up for what you believe in and fight till the bitter end


What is missing in this card is that you have to know when to walk away.  Sometimes fighting till the bitter end only leaves you exhausted or harmed.  There are times when walking away is the right thing to do.  I know if I had read this card ten years ago, I would have jumped on the bandwagon that you always have to fight till the bitter end no matter wht the cause.  However, what I've learned is that sometimes you need to walk away to fight another day.

There are so many battles going on in our country right now and so many that I feel I cannot impact at all.  We are fighting social injustices that leave people of color dead, we are fighting against people who refuse to get indoctrinated, and we are fighting people who still think Trump won.  It is a dizzying and depressing maelstrom of anger and injustice and there are a lot of days when I just want to crawl into bed and put my head under the covers.

Maybe what John Henry is telling me  isn't to keep fighting, but keep persisting.  This could be a reminder to keep putting one foot in front of the other; to get up when staying in bed seems easier.  Maybe this is just a reminder that life is worth it and that I make the world better by my presence.  I honestly don't know, but I do know that there are a lot of days when the world seems so dark and black that getting up seems difficult.  

I'll continue to reflect on this card and maybe more wisdom will present itself.


August 16, 2019

Deck:  Tarot de St. Croix

First Impressions:  Fierce, defending what's yours

Book:  Marching to defend their land

Guidance:  Stand up for what you believe in


It felt like a day that I needed to defend what was mine.  I feel my vacation slipping through my fingers and there is a part of me that feels as if I will never truly have time for myself as everyone comes and keeps taking bits and pieces of my time.  It seems as if there is no way to defend my time as people keep taking bits and pieces of it and every bit of time that gets eroded seems to leave me a little bit less for me.  I worked really hard to make this week my week and to not get sucked into work, but people kept reaching out and asking for things.  The final straw for me was when Ted asked if we could meet on Saturday.  That felt like an incredible violation because I have very little time for myself and to have someone want to take that little bit of time away from me was pretty upsetting.

I was proud of myself for saying no and for being honest about how I felt.  It was really hard to be honest and to say that I felt ganged up on and disrespected, but I did.  I think part of the reason that I was able to do that is that I didn't really care if I lost my job.  I was so tired of all of it that it would have almost have been a relief to get fired.  I'm so tired trying to do all the work that keeps piling up and trying to juggle everything.  It seems like the only way I could get it all done is to work all night, but I refuse to do that because there are a lot of other things that are more important to me.

I don't know what the solution is, but I do know that I have to continue to defend my boundaries because if I don't defend them, no one else will.


I'm grateful we got home safely

I'm grateful for the beautiful drive through the mountains

I'm grateful that Charmin was happy to get the flowers

I'm grateful that I stood up for myself

I'm grateful for the hugs on the way out the door

I'm grateful for Cam keeping me awake


July 17, 2019

First Impressions:  Barrier, putting up your guard

Book:  Something makes your blood run hot, something you are passionate about,

Guidance:  Hold to your truth, no matter who or what tries to sway you, know the risks and recognize your limitations


This project makes my blood run hot as everyone is so rude and hateful.  It is as if the major thing is to complain about the client and act as if they are stupid.  When it actuality it is our consultants who are totally ignorant.  Most of them have never worked on the client side before and all they want to do is get through the workshops.  The project needs a total reset and the consultants need to be slapped.  I've totally checked out as I'm just ready to move on and do something meaningful.  This isn't meaningful and it is not really advancing my career.

However, I need to remind myself that this too shall pass.  I worked for Ahmed for a year and it was horrible, but I learned something and then I was ready to move on.  Now, I'm in a position to observe and see how this is screwed up.  The reality is that it comes from the top and as long as Tom is out of control, the entire project will remain out of control.  As long as he is all about being liked, nothing will change.  However, I just have to let go and know that there are other projects out there.

I also view this card as a reminder that other people's behavior is their responsibility and not mine.  I also have to remember to not take it personally and that if someone is a jerk, that is on them and not on me.


Feeling better
Good lunch with the team
Beautiful sunset
Kids are taking care of Wendy
April 12, 2017

Deck:  Herbal Tarot

First Impressions:  Protecting what I love

Book:  Opportunity to confront problems and obstacles

Guidance:  Holding on to what you believe, overcoming obstacles, choose confidence, be true to yourself

Affirmation:  I choose confidence


What a perfect message for today as I've been feeling down and out in the cold.  I have to continue to believe that what I do has value and continue to fight for it.  I'm not out in the cold, that's more of my breain telling me that then reality.

April 17, 2017 Revisit

I'm being given an incredible opportunity to learn and grow both at work and in my personal life and it is my responsiblity to make the most of the opportunity.  One of the lessons I'm learning is about faith.  I need to have faith that THEY are there for me and to trust THEM.

April 22, 2017

  Herbal tarot

First Impressions:  Maintain your defenses

Book: Confront your problems or obstacles, steadfastly hold on to what you believe

Guidance:  Summon strength as to what is truly important, be true to yourself, do not lose heart

Affirmation:  I have the capacity within me to rise to any challenge


I don't like thi card right now.  I'm tired of fighting to overcome obstacles.  It seems as if that is all I do.  And while I'm feeling the need to receive, this card is telling me to continue to maintain a fighting stance.  I'm so tired of being strong and brave.  I'm tired of feeling like I have to be all things to all people.  I'm just tired of carrying it all on my shoulders.

Dearest ones,

Please help me to drop my defenses and open my heart to love.  Help me to be able to receive love.  Please help me to accept the joy and love the world has to offer.  Please help me to receive.


April 28, 2017 Update
I have felt stripped bare this week.  I do believe things happen for a reason and that I am being guided.  I'm in a really low place right now.  I feel as if I am a hamster on a wheel and as if I am never getting off.  It feels as if no matter how hard I try, nothing works.  There was a quote on Criminal Minds about life only making sense backward and I'm beginning to believe that as there have been so many things I was upset about that turned out to be a blessing.  However, letting go and trusting is really hard for me.

December 17, 2016

Gilded Tarot
Pulled Reversed

Deck:  Gilded Tarot

First Impressions:  Letting go of the need to fight

Book:  Apathy, timidity, being defenseless or overpowered, relaxing your defenses, being overly defensive

Guidance: Relax, you have nothing to prove and no need to defend


This card does bring up the feelings of inadequacy my mother always brings out in me.  She just reduces me to a child, but I am starting to realize that this is all her bullshit and not mine.  The Facebook thing was her being greedy and selfish and thinking only of herself.

July 7, 2018 Update

I'm finally getting to the point that I just don't care about her bullshit.  I don't even know if the bitch is greedy and selfish or if she is just clueless.  As I think about growing up with her, I am starting to realize that she is just clueless.  She doesn't even realize the impact that her words have on others and she just blurts out the first thing that is in her head.  She has no filter and is literally incapable of thinking of anyone else's feelings.

I don't know if I will ever get to the point where she won't matter and I will have totally mitigated her influence, but It is getting easier and easier to let go of her influence.  Some days it is harder than others and I really have to work at reminding myself that her opinions don't matter and that all the negativity is her insecurities and not mine.  Other days it is not that hard at all.

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