Sunday, August 28, 2022

Queen of Swords

August 28, 2022

Deck:  The Gentle Tarot

Card Name:  Flower of Thunder

First Impressions:  I love this image of the powerful queen eagle with the thunder coming from her talons.  She is strong and beautiful

Book:  Sit with honesty and get a clear sense of what is right.

Guidance:   The natural state of my mind is clarity.  I soar with the wings of my true heart


I love this card and the sense of clarity and beauty it offers.  The thunder bolts are lighting up the sky and illuminating what needs to be illuminated.  If I look at this job situation from a 30K view, there is no real reason for me to relocate.  I need to have a PA address for tax purposes and that's really all.  I would never sue the company for falling down the stairs, etc. so there is no reason for that to matter.  And I will file taxes in PA so there is no reason for that to matter either.  Although on a micro level, it may matter.  In the grand scheme of things, it really doesn't.

I love the sense of cutting through BS that this card gives me.

Where I'm At:  Sean and I drove over to Sharon to look at that house and were incredibly disappointed to find there was a huge lien on it for back taxes and there is no way that I could invest the money and make it work.  I'd have to invest 60K to make it work and the house would never be worth that.

Weather:  It was hot out today, but a beautiful warm and sunny day.  It was clear.

Moon Phase:  Waxing Crescent 1%

Sunrise / Sunset: 6:47/ 8:07


July 31, 2022

Deck:  Secrets of the Rose Tarot

First Impressions:  She is wide eyed and strong.  Her gaze isn't steely, but she looks determined.  I get the impression that if called upon, she could defend what is hers

Book:  Widow, spiritual struggles

Guidance:   Take care of your own


This card is so beautiful and I pulled it in a spread not too long ago and the meaning is about someone that others go to for advice.  This is another indicator that I should go into coaching or another profession where I can help others and give them guidance.  At this point in my life, I'm not sure how to make that career switch.  However, I am thinking about teaching and that is a helping profession where I would be called upon to advise people.  I think I just need to continually put it out there and continually ask for guidance.

The thing about guidance is that when I make a concentrated effort to connect with my deities, the messages flow more freely. I have been working to make that connection by creating rituals for my deities and rituals to connect with my self.  I'm also thinking about purchasing a magick rosary to pray for my hearts desire.  I haven't made a decision yet, but it's on my mind.

Where I'm At:  I'm enjoying a quiet Sunday morning at home.  I got a good night's sleep last night and although I wouldn't say I am refreshed, I do have more energy than I normally do

Weather:  It's actually a really nice day outside.  It is not extremely hot and it isn't humid.

Moon Phase:  Waxing Crescent 7%

Sunrise / Sunset: 6:18 / 8:46


June 23, 2022

Deck:  Intuitive Night Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  Romani, Sword, Doing Battle, Butterflies, Transformation

Book:  Determination, perseverance, independence

Guidance:  No one is going to help you more than yourself


This is hard for me because I do believe that we need to take care and help ourselves, but I also believe that we need to be willing to ask for help.  There are a lot of times I wonder if my life would have been different if I had been honest about what was going on in my marriage instead of insisting that I was able to handle it all myself.  Asking for help should not be viewed as a sign of weakness, but as a sign of strength.

However, that being said, I don't believe in bullshit chivalry.  I believe that we should do what we can to help ourselves, but that there are times when we need help from others, even if that help from others is in the form of guidance and advice.

Where I'm At:  I'm home today.  It's Cam's birthday and she is sad that Sean is working third shift and we can't figure out a time to have dinner together as a family.  I understand completely why she is upset as he spent all that time with John, but doesn't have time to spend with the people that actually love him and care for him.

Weather:  It's in the 70s out and it feels good, except if you sit right in the sun

Moon Phase:  Waning Crescent 27%

Sunrise / Sunset: 5:50 / 9:05


May 5, 2022

Deck:  Tarot of Little Secrets

First Impressions:  the Morrigan, sovereignty, connected to the land, getting shit done

Book:  Devoted, power, truth, sincerity, strategy

Guidance:  Magical messengers speak simple truths


I love the message on this one because I tend to complicate the messages I receive and start making them way more complicated than they need to be.  I do need to get better at taking things at face value.  The other message I take away from this card is about the value of sincerity.  I spend a lot of time with people who are not sincere and who play games.  I'm tired of all the BS, the lies, and the garbage that happens at work.  I don't know what the solution is, but dealing with all the drama is getting so tiresome.

Where:  I started the day in Chicago and ended it at home.  It was a good day as we got a lot of things done at work.  I also took an hour to hang out at the Garfield Park Conservatory.  It was beautiful to walk through the gardens.  I also took time to walk the labyrinth.  I also scored a window seat on the way home instead of the middle seat I had booked.

Weather:  It was raining a little bit today, but not too awful

Moon Phase:  Waxing Crescent, 19

Sunrise / Sunset: 5:38 / 7:55


 April 15, 2022

Deck:  Tarot of Little Secrets

First Impressions:  The Morrigan, defending your territory, sovereignty

Book:  Devoted, power, truth, sincerity, strategy

Guidance:  Magical messengers speak simple truths


I need to think about sovereignty as I think I am giving my life away to the highest bidder.  I've become the wage slave that I've never wanted to be and it makes me sad.  I was always sad that my dad neve got to be the person that he wanted to be because he was busy supporting everyone else and now I've become that person.  I don't know how to get out of this trap so that I can live a life that matters to me.  I don't know how to break free of the money trap, but I am getting the message that I won't be happy until I have escaped.

Where: I'm at home today and sitting on the couch with the doggos

Weather:  It is beautiful and sunny out and it finally feels like spring.

Moon Phase:  Waxing Gibbous 98%

Sunrise / Sunset:  6:45 am / 8:07 pm


March 7, 2022 

Deck:  Light Seer's Tarot

First Impressions:  Contemplative, thinking about responsibilities 

Book:  Independent, wise counsel, communication, seeking truth, honesty

Guidance:   Tune out the low level drama


I love this card as she looks so strong and contemplative.  This is a reminder that women can lead and women can be strong. The other thing that is important about this card is that she is contemplating and taking time to go within to determine next steps.  Even though she is the queen of swords, she is not rushing into action.  I need to learn to do that, to just sit without having to rush in and save the day.  I hate wasting time and I hate things going awry so I always rush in to try to fix things, but sometimes I need to sit back and let people learn to fix their own stuff.

Where I'm At:  At home contemplating life and how my life can be so good and going so well while the world burns around us

Weather: It is rainy and cold outside

Moon Phase:  Waxing Crescent 23%

Sunrise / Sunset: 6:51 am / 6:24 pm


November 12, 2019

Deck:  Tarot de St. Croix

First Impressions: Going into battle, shields up

Book:  Warrior for truth and justice, bravery

Guidance:  Make decisions with clarity and focus


One of the lessons I've learned over the past 30 years is that being a parent is truly being a warrior.  Cam is struggling right now with the trial coming up and although I'm struggling as well, I need to put my shields up and be strong for her.  I need to protect her and take care of her and be a warrior to make sure she gets treated fairly and she gets what she needs.  That isn't easy because there is a part of me that wants to break down and cry with sadness over the situation and there is a part of me that wants to march into battle and take down whoever hurt my child.  I want to go all mama bear and slay any beast that hurts my child.  However, I cannot fully protect her from going to trial, she is going to have to stand up on that witness stand and speak her truth.  She is going to have to be brave and strong and stare down the person that did this to her.

And while I am happy to be her knight in shining armor and go into battle for her, there is a part of me that wishes I had someone standing in my corner who was willing and capable of being my knight in shining armor.  I wish that I had someone to rely on who was there to slay my dragons.  I know that I'm capable of slaying my own dragons, but there are days it would be really nice to have someone to slay them for me.  Sometimes I think that I have my shields up all the time and that I not only keep away the bad guys, I also keep away the people that I would like to have in my life.  I'm realizing that I don't know how to put down my shields and be at peace.

I think I need to figure out how to do that.


I'm grateful for getting home safely
I'm grateful for the beautiful drive to Kent
I'm grateful that Cam is doing Ok
I'm grateful for the good meeting with Davey Tree
I'm grateful for the good skype with Ted
November 5, 2016


First Impressions:  

Book:  Cutting through illusion, intensity, perceptive, quick, confident, bearing our own sorrows, reads people



This is one of my favorite quotes:  "This is a woman who became the way she is today, of her daunting status, because at one point early in her life she was vulnerable and insecure about her self worth.  What a perfect card to pull today.  This really sums up who I am and what I've been through.  I finally feel worthy of love and all the good stuff that life has to offer.  I'm also secure in who I am.  I have my moments and I'm not thrilled with my body, but in general, I like who I am.

May 27, 2018

As I look back over the past couple of years when I have been diligent about journaling every day, I'm seeing the changes in who I am and how I perceive myself.  I am strong enough to recognize my flaws, but also loving enough to accept who I am.  Some days it is hard for me and there are days when I still beat myself up, but overall I am in awe of who I am.  I am stronger, but also kinder than I have ever been at any time in my life and I realize that a lot of my strength is about being strong enough to walk away from my mother. 

That took so much strength.  It is acceptable in our society to walk away from a husband or from friends, but the world judges people who walk away from their parents.  It is as if we are supposed to accept any amount of garbage from our parents.  We're supposed to be strong and capable and get rid of energy vampires, unless they happen to be parents, then we are supposed to forgive, forgive, forgive.

I call bullshit.

October 10, 2016

Queen of Swords
Hanson Roberts
Deck:  Hanson Roberts

Card:  Pulled Reversed

First Impressions:  She has sapphires in her crown and there is a ruby in her sword.  Like the King, she has personalized her sword and, like the King, the same X of light is hitting her sword.  The skin on her arms appears gray.  My first impressions of this card reversed are of defeat and expressing emotions (lack of emotional control?)

Book: Be kinder.  Be slower to form opinions.  Sorry may have hardened your heart.  Hell bent on vengeance. Holding grudges.

Guidance:  Breathe.  Trust it will all work out.  Do not take things so seriously.  Draw wisdom rather than bitterness.


I need to let go of my anger toward Meg  She is doing her job as she sees fit and it isn't personal.  She's not trying to screw me or hurt me.  She is just trying to satisfy the client.

However, I always have choices and I can choose to find another job.  I can also choose to make sure that Gateway is clear about what the deliverables are done.  I can't come out and say you don't need me, but I can help them draw their own conclusions.

December 22, 2017

Interesting as I read this more than a year removed from the situation and I don't even remember what the details of this seemingly traumatic event were.  I gather from reading this that Meg wanted to extend me and I wanted to leave.  At the end of the day, none of this mattered as the client ended up ending the project on short notice in February and I ended up leaving itellignece for NTT.  And oddly enough, Meg ended up losing her job anyway.

I love reading journals from years past as it is a good reminder that all the shit that I think is so important, really isn't.  It is also a reminder that all the shit I'm going through right now, probably won't matter in a year or so.  

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