The pandemic is heading into its third year and I'm feeling heavy and sluggish. It feels as if there is darkness at the door and it is not the cozy darkness that calls on us to light candles and snuggle in. Instead, it is the darkness of nightmares and horror movies. It feels as if dark things are moving outside the door and as if stepping outside will invite those horrors in. I've lit the candles and the fireplace, but there is still an aura of dark sludge hovering. My gut tells me that it is a combination of the pandemic, mercury retrograde, and compassion fatigue, but I figured I'd see what the cards had to say. I'll be using the BEAR Spread that I developed a few years ago to help me sort out my feelings.
The first image is of the spread and the second with the cards pulled.
1. Breathe; How can I deal with my feelings right now?
The queen of cups tells me that I can ground myself in the present moment and not worry about what is happening in the greater world. I can take care of practical matters that need to be taken care of such as cooking, cleaning the house, and other tasks that require me to be present in the moment. I can also take care of my bodily needs by sleeping, eating good food, and really being present in the moment. Lighting a fire really helped with that as the crackling fire kept me grounded in reality.
2. Embrace: How can I embrace my feelings?
I can be compassionate with myself as the Ace of Cups is telling me to be. I can wrap myself in love and be compassionate to myself and others. Being compassionate for me right now is about being compassionate for those I care about and for those who are in my life. In a perfect world, this compassion would extend to everyone on the planet, but we don't live in a perfect world so it is okay if right now I am just compassionate to myself and the people I love. I especially need to be compassionate to myself right now and remind myself that I am okay and that my feelings are okay.
3. Analyze: What am I really feeling? What is the real trigger?
I'm angry at the trolls who refuse to take the virus. This is an interesting reading of the Knight of Wands who is depicted by Tatterhood in this deck. Tatterhood is an ugly princess who fights off trolls to defend her family and her sister. Interesting how accurate this is as I am angry at the people who refuse to believe that the virus is real. these covidiots (love that word) are showing up at hospitals wanting the vaccine as they are being put on the ventilator. I want them all to just die because I am sick of dealing with their ignorance, but then there is a part of me that feels guilty for wanting people dead, especially people I don't know.
My real concern about these feelings is how can we ever get back to civility and moving forward if we are all feeling so much anger and hate about people who don't feel the same way that we do. Maybe that is what I'm really feeling, that we will never move forward because we will never heal from he anger over Covid. And that is a scary thought.
4. Release: How can I release these feelings of sludginess?
The Page of Cups tells me to remain connected to my spirituality. Continue to pray, continue to turn things over in my God Box, continue to let go of things that no longer serve me. It may not be instantaneous, but if I continue to work to remain connected to spirit and if I continue to take care of myself, I will make it through this. It will not be easy, but it will be possible.
5. What is the outcome?
If I maintain control over my own emotions, the Seven of Coins tells me that I will be rewarded. I need to be patient and to not let myself get distracted by things that I can do nothing about. The Serenity Prayer needs to be my best friend.
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