Sunday, February 11, 2018

Shadow Work--Day 12

How do I integrate my shadow?

Dreamer King tells me to cut through the illusions and the bullshit.  I have spent enough time working on healing work that I know it is bullshit to think everyone will treat me like my ex-husband.  I also need to cut through my old beliefs that came from my misogynistic upbringing.  I do not need a man to be happy.  I do not need a man to be successful.  It would be nice to have someone to hang out with and confide in, but I am a fully functional human being all by myself without anyone else.  That is a really hard concept for me because I saw how divorced women were treated when I grew up (and yes that was in the 70's and 80's).  Divorced women were to be pitied for not being able to keep their men and they were expected to either go out and get a new man or to move in with their parents.  Intellectually I know that is total garbage, but I guess there was a part of me that believed that bullshit.  Dreamer King tells me that I have the responsibility to let go of that way of thinking.

Dancer Two is a card that I love because it shows the soul mates back to back instead of face to face.  I like this because it tells me that soul mates can be connected and always be there for the other, but that being soulmates doesn't mean I have to be completely focused on the other person.  Even though we are partners and together, we can still have our own lives and our own interests.  This is the complete opposite of my marriage where John said he wanted us to build our own interests, but every time I tried he sabotaged me.  I wanted to go back to school and he put up road blocks.  I started working out after work and he started taking an earlier train so I'd have to pick him up sooner.  He also expected me to be interested in everything he did and got pouty when I wasn't interested in football.  That is now how a relationship should work and that is the very clear message I'm getting from Dancer Two.

Dreamer Eight tells me that I sometimes get caught up in my own illusions and it is okay to cut through them and to recognize them for what they are.  I have chosen to trap myself and it is time to free myself.  I have it within my power to cut through everything that is holding me back and to step out of the trap.  All that is holding me back is my own beliefs.  This card has come up multiple times lately as it came up for my card of the day on Friday and it came up when someone read for me.  The universe is screaming at me that it is time to step out of my own constraints.

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