October 13, 2022
First Impressions: I normally don't like the six of cups as the traditional version is kind of creepy. However, I actually like this version of the card because it is sweet and loving.
Book: By opening your heart to friendship and love; it is returned.
Guidance: Share your joy with others
I am so blessed to have Sean in my life. He truly is a loving and kind person and sometimes I think he is a better person than I am. I remember the day we brought his sister home from the hospital and he wanted to stop and get her a coke as a present. He truly does always think of others and wants what's best for him. Unfortunately, I am not always so kind and loving as I all too often put up walls between myself and other people. I think about what their motiviations are or how they could hurt me. Sean crew up in a crap environment, but he came out of it with such a kind heart.
I need to work to let go and to have a kind heart as well.
Where I'm At: I'm still in Allentown and we had our last day of training. It was good, but there are definately some strange things in this organization. However, I just need to focus on what I can control. Heidi and I left work and it was pouring so by the time we got back to the hotel we were soaked.
Weather: It poured down rain and it was that cold fall rain that tells you that winter is coming.
Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous 86%
Sunrise / Sunset: 7:09 / 6:26
August 3, 2022
Deck: Secrets of the Rose Tarot
First Impressions: I love this card. It is one of the most beautiful six of cups that I have ever seen and it doesn't give me the creepy energy that most six of cups give off.
Book: Influences from the past, nostalgia, realization of a long held dream
Guidance: Hold the good, let go of the bad
I love this card and the purity and innocence it represents. I've been thinking a lot of my childhood again and working to focus on the good. I remember the happy times at my grandmother's. I remember playing outside with the kids down the hill. I remember third grade when our teachers did a unit about foods around the world and we got to cook and eat different foods. I remember going to the Milwaukee Museum and see what the world looked like. I know that my parents really did the best they good. They didn't know how to raise me to be the person that I am today who has been to other countries, etc. And I really appreciate everything they did for me.
The thing I haven't figured out how to reconcile and forgive is the pain she caused me by degrading me, not raising me to stand up for myself, and making assumptions that I would always be taken care of by a man. I don't know how to let go of the pain of those things. I don't know how to let go of the pain of not being respected by my parents. I think that is the issue. It was a lack of respect. She didn't respect me enough to make my own decisions and choices. She treated me like garbage because she did not respect me. She didn't respect me enough to make my own decision about whether or not Stella would be in my life. She did not respect me enough to make my own decisions about decorating my house.
Letting go of a lack of respect is hard as I deserved respect. I work hard, I'm smart, I have a kind heart, and I have grit. However, she never respected me as my own person. Even after I became an adult, she didn't respect me. I remember when I cashed out my 401K from working for the Air Force and she had a fit because we wanted to use part of it to go to Disney. She acted as if what we did with our money was her decision.
Where I'm At: I'm on PTO today and am planning on enjoying a relaxing day. I have some errands to run, but may just do those in the morning. I'm going to take it slow today and tomorrow and just work on cleaning and taking things easy.
Weather: It is warm outside. I sat outside with the doggos for a while, but then it got hot this afternoon.
Moon Phase: Waxing Crescent, 30%
Sunrise / Sunset: 6:21 / 8:42
June 3, 2022
First Impressions: Working side by side, friendship, planting relationships
Book: Charity, generosity, scholarship, asking for help
Guidance: Balance is found in embracing community
I have been binge watching Station 19, which is about Seattle Fire Fighters and they truly do embrace community. They have their own internal community of fire fighters who are like a family, but they also embrace the community they serve. One of the episodes that touched me the most was about a homeless man who came into the firehouse with scabies. He looked disgusting and probably smelled worse, but Jack treated him like a human being. He let him take a shower, he put lotion on him, and he cut his hair. The gentleman cried and said that he hadn't been touched or looked at since his wife died. It reminded me that we are all human beings and that most of us are just trying to get by and survive this big scary world.
Where: I was home today and I just chilled out. I love having Friday afternoons off because by 4 pm, I forget I've even worked in the mornings
Weather: It was actually a little chilly today and I didn't even feel like laying out in the hammock.
Moon Phase: Waxing Crescent 14
Sunrise / Sunset: 5:52 am / 8:56 pm
First Impressions: Friendship, happiness, laughter
Book: Little girl is focused on giving her friends what they desire
Guidance: Open your heart to friendship and love and it will be returned
The six of cups is not a card that I normally dislike as most versions are kind of creepy and seem like they really promote an imbalance of power. However, I love this card as it is about love and friendship and taking care of the people that we love. That is the perfect card for today as it was the City Dogs Reunion and it was so wonderful to see all the smiles on both the people and the dogs. City Dogs is truly a place of love as they work so hard to promote these dogs that other people ignore and look past. I know that I was a little scared of getting a pit bull, but once we got Clark and I realized how sweet and loving he was, I got over my fears. They are sweet and amazing dogs.
It is so easy to love them because they are funny and smart and all they want to do is be loved. They don't really care if you have a lot of money or how you look, they know what is in your heart and they return the love that is given to them ten times over. Getting Clark was such a good decision because he really and truly helped Cam to heal. I don't know if she would have survived without him. He snuggles with her and night and helps keep away the boogeyman. He has been her rock and I know that there are days when having to take care of him is what helps her get through the day.
Wendy has become my heart because she is so sweet and loving. I think it is because she reminds me of myself in that at first glance she seems downtrodden and used up, but her heart is so pure and open. All she really wants is for people to love her. I remember the day we got her and how she was so exhausted and slept so much. It was as if she felt safe for the first time in a long time. There were no other dogs yipping and she had a safe warm place to nest in. It was as if she felt safe and knew that she had people who were going to take care of her. I'm also so glad that she isn't scared about there not being food anymore. She knows that we will take care of her.
The six of cups from the Druidcraft deck shows an older boy and younger girl being supervised by a parent, which gives me a feeling of safety that the traditional RWS card doesn't give me. Additionally, the reflection for the DruidCraft deck by Philip Carr-Gomm provided exactly the insight I needed as I contemplate letting go of the anger and pain my relationship with my mother causes. Carr-Gomm said, "Receiving this card in a reading may mean that you are working on integrating the gifts and experiences of your past--your childhood, or even past lives--with your consciousness in the present." This reading captured where I am at as it was an acknowledgement that I cannot totally sever my past and I need to figure out how to start from where I am. It also means that I need to take a step back and look at the past as a whole and not focus on all the negativity and anger. I need to remember the 26 mile bike ride we took with my mom and how much fun that was, I need to remember baking cookies, and the fact that she drove me to college. What I've finally realized is that by acknowledging the good doesn't negate the bad, it just means that I am choosing to love myself and make room in my life for good memories instead of just hoarding the bad memories.
Guidance: Go to the water and cast your prayer to the winds.