Sunday, October 16, 2022

Seven of Swords

 October 16, 2022

Deck:  Tarot de St. Croix

First Impressions:  This is an interesting card as five of the cards are making a grid that is pointing straight at the crescent moon.  Additionally, the figure is dressed in what looks like prison garb.

Book:  Focused concentration is needed in order to complete plans.

Guidance:   Go within, pay attention and seek the truth


One of the things that I love about having the house to myself is the opportunity to really go within and get in touch with myself.  My kids are certainly not intrusive and I do have plenty of time alone, but there is something about being home alone and just having the energy of solitude to work on things that are important to me.  I love being in the house with the doors all locked and knowing that I am not going to be disturbed.  There is a sense of safety in having the house to myself.  I don't exactly know how to describe it.  I think it is emotional safety as it feels easier to meditate and to let go of that sense of being on all the time.

What was interesting in Lisa's blog post on this card is that she talked about being gullible and needing to not be so gullible.  I am the complete opposite as I put up so many borders and that makes it very difficult to actually make a connection.

Where I'm At:  I'm home alone today.  The kids went to King's Island and I'm home with the doggos.  It's going to give me an opportunity to clean house and to just relax.  

Weather:  It is a little cold outside, but overall it's very nice.  

Moon Phase:  Waning Gibbous 61%

Sunrise / Sunset: 7:38/6:45


September 17, 2022

Deck:  The Gentle Tarot

Card Name:  Seven of thunder

First Impressions:  My initial impression of this card is that it is boring and colorless.  There are other cards in this deck that are much more colorful.  However, sometimes plan and boring is exactly what is needed.

Book:  I am vigilant of disruptions that approach my path.  I summon clarity of mind and support myself with love and healthy boundaries.

Guidance:   Listen to what is right in your heart


Although in some decks this is the thief card, I've always viewed it as a card about reclaiming something that is lost, most often my self esteem.  This card speaks to that as it is about establishing right boundaries.  Boundaries have always been difficult for me as I'm a people pleaser at heart and I like to be liked.  That has led me to a lot of behavior that isn't healthy for me.  All too often I have listened to people who did not have my best interests at heart and who took advantage of me.  I've always believed that people have good intentions and trusted people.  That changed after my marriage and meeting John.  Now it is difficult for me to believe that anyone has good intentions.  I tend to go into relationships thinking the worst of people.  

Thinking the worst of people has not really served me well as it causes me to judge people too quickly and maybe I walk away too quickly.  Maybe I don't give people enough of a chance.  That's something I need to reflect on and think about.

Where I'm At:  Right now I'm home sitting on the couch with the doggos.  Earlier today, I went to the Container Store to get stuff to organize my office and to the Farmers' Market.  I got a bunch of yummy produce and I'm looking forward to having good stuff to eat this week.

Weather:  It was an absolutely gorgeous day out today.  The temperature was perfect and it was clear and sunny.

Moon Phase:  Last Quarter 54%

Sunrise / Sunset: 7:07 / 7:33


March 31, 2022

Deck:  Light Seer's Tarot

First Impressions:  A man is sneaking away with crow feathers in his backpack.  The crows are sounding the alarm.  Although he is on a hill, the city is present in the distance.

Book:  Deception or trickery, taking only what's needed, being strategic

Guidance:   You cannot deceive your heart


I love this card as it is about taking what is necessary.  Sometimes we have to do what's best for us and that often means standing up for ourselves or taking things back that belong to us.  This reminds me of all the stories where someone is an asshole and everyone stands up for them because 'that's the way they are."  Too fucking bad.  They're an asshole, they get what they deserve.

Where:  I'm sitting at home and it has been a really long day!  My head is throbbing and I'm struggling to concentrate.  I was in the office today and while I had energy at the office, now I'm just feeling totally drained.  It doesn't heal that there is so much drama around everything.  YMAN just creates drama around everything he does.

Weather:  It was beautiful today.  A little chilly, but overall an amazing day.

Moon Phase:  Waning crescent, 1%

Sunrise / Sunset: 7:11 am / 7:51 pm


October 19, 2019

First Impressions:  Sword play, graph in the sky

Book:  Focused concentration, balancing

Guidance:  Clear space for difficult tasks


I like the reminder of the need to clear space for difficult tasks.  I'm not very good at that and I let myself get all swirly over the weirdness going on in my life.  I take things way too personally and forget that things will change over time.  K. at B. is driving me nuts right now as she is just a small minded little person who sees conspiracy theories everywhere and she is so desperate to be promoted that she has to grab all the attention.  I'm not that person.  I know I do a good job and I don't need the glory for this and I've been asking myself a lot lately if I am upset because I'm not getting the glory or if I'm upset because dealing with her is a waste of time and we're treading water because she is clueless and I think the bottom line is that I'm annoyed because we are treading water because she is clueless.  I've done this so many times that I don't need the kudos that come from this and I can do this in my sleep because I've done it so many times before.  I'm struggling because I don't have time to waste right now and she's a drain on my energy.

I need to figure out what my next steps are and how to withdraw from this client without losing the gig for itelli.  I don't know what the solution to that is, but I think I need to clear my head space and let go of all the drama. I  just need to focus on the work and not worry about the drama.  The drama will work itself out.  I just need to let go of the need to control the situation.  I cannot control her and sometimes all you need to do is to just let it play out.  She will eventually get tired of the situation, then I can do things that I know are the right thing to do.

Interesting when I read the blog post at Lisa's site about this card, it talks about being deceived because you were gullible and to really pay attention and know the truth.  That tells me that she is being dishonest. 

I'm grateful for the hard work on my school work
I'm grateful for the yummy taco salad
I'm grateful for the great walk with the doggods
I'm grateful for the beautiful weather
I'm grateful for waking up with Wendy snuggling

June 15, 2019

Deck:  World Spirit Tarot

First Impressions:  Taking back what is yours

Book:  Dishonesty can easily backfire

Guidance:  Use mental strategy, wit, and tact to achieve your goal, compromising your values will make the plan less valuable


This is the card that is about planning and about developing a plan that is in line with my values.  As the cards I've pulled recently have clearly shown, I need passion, grit, and a plan.  This is the card for sitting down and coming up with a plan that lets me navigate potentially rough waters and achieve my goal.  The problem for me is that right now my goal is not very clear.  I know I'm being lead to obtain my MA, but the road is a little hazier after that.  I think I'm to get a PhD that ties my spirituality, culture, and health degree together with an OCM twist, but beyond that I don't know what the guidance is. 

This card also is telling me that I need to gather together my strength as I will need it to wade into the cold and icy river.  There are forces working against me and trying to wash away what I'm holding on to.  I need to make sure that what I am holding on to is worth holding on to and it is really what I want.  I will be changed forever if I wade into the cold and icy river to retrieve the swords of truth.  I'm also being told that my heart will need to seek my brain in order for this to work.

March 24, 2018

Deck:  Rider Waite Smith Tarot

First Impressions:  Sneakiness, taking back what's mine

Book:  Unwise action, failing plain,new ideas, challenging old assumptions

Guidance:  Do not take credit for others ideas, do not procrastinate


This card to me is about soul theft.  I'm realizing as I reflect on my soul retrieval that my grandmother, John, and Charlene  all stole pieces of my soul.  My grandmother did it with her careless comment.  She took away a piece of me that needed to matter to other people.  She didn't believe I was worth loving and she didn't believe I was worth making a connection to.  I reality, I don't know if that is true.  Maybe it was just a stupid and thoughtless comment.  She never treated me as if I didn't matter and I have also received unconditional love from others who did believe I mattered.


Note:  the letters below were all written by me in an attempt to recapture the missing pieces of my soul.

Letter from my grandma


I'm so sorry.  I love you and would never want you to think otherwise.  You are amazing, strong, and courageous.  I didn't want your Mommy and Daddy to feel any pain if something happened to you, but that was wrong as the reality of it is that your Daddy was attached to you the moment he laid eyes on you.  You were going to be amazing.  He struggled to reconcile his feelings about women with his desire for you to succeed. That was hard for him.  He never did like John, but he respected your choices.  You are loved and you do matter.  I am so sorry for hurting you.

Love, Grandma


Dearest Soul Part held captive by Charlene,

I am so sorry that I didn't realize that she had you.  I did not connect the anger and resentment I was feeling with her holding you and abusing you.  Everything she told you is lies.  Women are not second class citizens and it is not our job to give everything of ourselves in service to others.  We are allowed to have our own hopes and dreams. 

Charlene is a product of another day and time.  She is an ancestor and she does not speak for the way the world is.  I am so happy you are home and we will take care of you.  Thank you for being strong while she held you captive. 



Dearest Soul Part held captive by John,

I am so happy you are home and I am so sorry that I left you behind.  Everything that he told you is a lie.  I am not too big for my britches.  I am sexy, funny, and loving.  However it is hard to be any of those things when you are constantly being put down and abused.  You are safe in our home as bad behavior is not tolerated.  The rules of the house are that everyone is treated with respect and no one is put down.  We discuss disagreements respectfully.

Welcome home!  I am so glad you are here.



Dearest Soul Part that was with X,

I am glad you are back and I'm sorry that I gave you away.  Thank you for the guidance to be myself and live my best life.  I just need to be patient and let life unfold.

Blessings, Raine

December 25, 2018 Review

This soul retrieval was so amazing and I have grown and changed so much since it has happened.  I know that I am healing because I am letting go of the anger toward Charlene.  I know in my heart of hearts that she did not mean to hurt me and that makes it easier to forgive her and let go.  However, I also know that intention isn't all that mattered.  She did hurt me and she will continue to hurt me if I let her back into my life. 

I also know that I really need to let go of John and cut the cord completely.  There are days when I wish he will fall flat on his face and other days where I hope that he has a happy life and doesn't drag Sean down with him.  At this point, what I really want is just for him to not be in my life any more.

December 19, 2017

Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  Ellen does a great job with this card in giving us the sense of the thief as Laverna is turned toward something gesturing while behind her back she holds a bag of money.  I didn't realize it when I first drew this card, but there are seven columns.  I love this card and even though I didn't not consciously look at the card, my very first impressions were ones of a thief and dishonesty.

Book:  Succeeding through ill-gotten gains, hiding in the shadows

Guidance: Think outside of the box, think of another way, work for your own best interests, answer may be found in silence.


The message I take from Laverna is to reclaim what is mine.  I spend so much time and energy giving and being for others that I neglect myself.  I need to make a concentrated effort to reclaim myself.  I also have to acknowledge that there are days when it only feels like taking my life back is stealing because other people do not recognize my sovereignty and only see me in relation to what I can do for them.  I need to reclaim myself and life my life for me and not for others.  That's easier now than when my kids were little, but it still feels awkward to say no and put my own needs first.  It is something I know will continue to be a work in progress.

December 26, 2017 Recap

Pulling this card reminds me of the ritual to Laverna that Anna led.  I was okay with all the Dark Goddess rituals she led until I got to this one because it was almost as if she took glee in the idea of worshiping someone who was was the patron of thieves.  However, over the past few years I've had a lot of time to meditate and reflect.  I've also done the meditation to Laverna from The Dark Goddess Lodge and I've come to a different understanding of Laverna and the Seven of Swords in general.

I've realized that sometimes it is right and necessary to be a "thief" as sometimes it is about reclaiming your sovereignty and reclaiming what someone stole from you.  John stole so much for me and I'm finally starting to reclaim who I am.  He pounded me down so hard that I lost so much of myself.  I still don't know why he chose to beat me down physically and emotionally, but I have come back and I've reclaimed myself.

I'm also learning that other people consider it selfish or wrong to stand up for myself and take back my time and my resources.  It is not wrong to take back what is yours.  In fact it is good and noble to take yourself back to a time of wholeness.

November 7, 2017

Deck:  Gilded tarot

First Impressions:  Being sneaky

Book:  Actions have consequences

Guidance:  Review your plan and reconsider if it seems fool hardy


I'm not sure that I agree that the actions of this gentleman were foolhardy.  Sometimes we have to take bold actions and break the rules.  I think this card is also a reminder that there are consequences, but that sometimes the consequences are worth it.

November 20, 2017 Update
There are consequences, but sometimes the sneaky acts that are seen as deceptive are worth it.  How do we know that he the people he is "stealing" from, did not take something from him first.

October 26, 2018 Update

My understanding of this card has continued to evolve and I still view it as taking back something that was taken from us.  There are times in life when we have to reclaim what is ours and there are times when we cannot make a full frontal attack, but we need to be sneaking and deceptive because the person holding it does not want to give it back to us.

May 12, 2017

Deck:  Herbal tarot

Card: Seven of Wands, pulled reversed

First Impressions:  Letting Go, letting down your guard

Book:  Ungrounded and elusive thoughts, avoiding confronting things that are changable, laying your cards on the table

Guidance:  Do research, collect guidance from others, lay your cards on the table, be honest

Affirmation:  I speak the truth


Interesting card to pull today as I'm at a point where I just want to be laid back.  I'm realizing that anger and defensiveness don't really protect you.  All they do is keep you lonely and isolated.  It also takes a hell of a lot of energy to keep my shields up all the time.  I have the feeling the reason I am so tired all the time is that I lug around so muich emotional baggage and my emotional baggage has been converted to physical baggage int he form of fat.  I'm carrying 100 lbs of baggage with me and I need to let it go.

May 14, 2017 Revisit

Getting outside in the sun the last few days has helped bring me some peace and clarity.  It helps me to see the world as bigger than myself and that helps a lot.

May 5, 2016

 Gaian Spirit Tarot

Card Name:  Seven of Air

First impressions:  
  • Air:  Lightness, wind, east, letting go, grief
  • Seven:  Perfection, security, rest, spiritual awakening, thoughtfulness, psychic beliefs
Card:  An explorer is reviewing a map and trying to chart his course.  There is a river on his map and a mountain in front of him.  This is a card about decisions and charting a course and deciding what we want out of life.

Book:  Considering the world, what are our eyes drawn to on the map?  what are we afraid is missing?  What level is the map drawn at?  Does the map reprsent our inner self or our outer self?  What path am I following?  What am I looking for?  What do I want out of llife?


I think I want companionship and stability out of life.  I want to be loved, but I'm not sure what path leads to love.

January 2, 2022 Overall Update

It's really interesting to read my thoughts on this card and how they have evolved and also where my head was stuck at at various times in my life.  I still view this card as stealing back something that was mine to begin with.  I have grown and changed over the years and I'm definately not the same person I was in 2016 when I wrote this.  There is a part of me that still truly wants love, but there is another part of me that knows I will be okay no matter what.  I am strong and sassy and I know my own worth.

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