Sunday, October 16, 2022

Page of Wands

 October 15, 2022

Deck:  Tarot de St. Croix

First Impressions:  A hippie is sitting in the tree thinking about the future and thinking about how to move his life forward.

Book:  Transform old paradigms into something new and playful.

Guidance:   Follow your bliss and express your individuality

Journaling:

I think what I love most about this card is that the person is contemplating before throwing himself into action.  I don't view the wand in this card as magical, but more about illumination.  He is looking to see what the future holds before creating it. I feel so stagnant lately and I don't know what I want to create.  I have a fuzzy kind of vision of what I want, but it is not yet fully defined.

I want to live a life of purpose where what I do is meaningful and actually helps people instead of corporations.  I don't know how to get there, but I know what the end state is.  I'm starting to put this out there to the universe and I know I will manifest it.

Where I'm At:  I'm at home today and overall it was a lovely day.  I got up and went to the Farmer's Market with Cam and got some good veggies to cook this week.  The one bad thing that happened is that I learned that my meds are not covered by my new insurance.  That totally sucks as now I will have to get used to a new medicine.  And the sucky thing is that I know that drug works because it has alleviated some of my worst symptoms.

Weather:  The weather was perfect today.  It was a little chilly, but overall very nice.

Moon Phase:  Waning Gibbous 70%

Sunrise / Sunset: 7:36/6:46

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 September 13, 2022

Deck:  The Gentle Tarot

Card Name:  Seed of Wands

First Impressions:  Playfulness, reaching toward the sun, things upside down with him dancing over the rainbow

Book:  I choose playfulness and curiosity.  My world expands as I allow myself to expand.

Guidance:   Dismiss doubt and choose freedom.

Journaling:

Sometimes it is hard to choose playfulness and curiosity as I feel so burdened by responsibilities, but I need to let all of that go and trust that it is all going to work out.  The thing I always forget is that I don't need to trust people to do the right thing.  I trust my guides.  All that happened at Nestle happened for a reason.  I may not know what that reason is yet, but there was a reason.

There were lessons I need to learn about strength and about being the person I need to be.  I needed to learn that it is okay to speak out and call people on their bad behavior.  I needed to learn that there is so much that I can do that I don't give myself the opportunity to.  

Where I'm At:  I'm sitting in a hotel in Erie.  It's kind of nice to be alone this week, but it is also lonely as I miss my doggo.  It also seems sort of stupid to be in a hotel room to work remote, but I'm doing what I need to do.

Weather:  The weather was rainy for most of the day, but it cleared up in the afternoon and I went to a restraurant by the lake and sat on the water.  It was really nice.

Moon Phase:  Waxing Gibbous 89%

Sunrise / Sunset: 6:57/7:35

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June 10, 2022

Deck:  Tarot of Little Secrets

First Impressions:  Happiness, openness, saying hello, I love the colors on the tunic and the fire on his chest

Book:  Enthusiasm, youth, energetic, innovation

Guidance:   Guidance guards new creation

Journaling:

This card reminds me of the fool at is someone who is young and creative and looking toward the future.  They haven't been jaded and burned out so they still believe in the magick of creation.  I wish I could reclaim that belief in magick and the belief that what I do matters.  I've been in a dark place lately as it seems that nothing I do matters.  I feel mired in this tar pit and that all I do is work and come home.  There seems to be no wonder in the world and I don't know how to recapture it.

I'm trapped in doom scrolling and it seems my world is getting smaller and smaller as I feel afraid to move.  I feel trapped and I don't know how to get out.  Part of it is that all three of us are in a dark place.  Maybe I need to start with doing the dishes.  Sometimes doing just one thing can get the momentum going.

Where I'm At:  I drove home from Morton yesterday and I'm still a little tired.  It was a long drive because I ended up stopping multiple times.  I had to take the car back to the airport today and Cam was too tired to go along and pick me up so I had to take a cab and I'm tired.  It was a long odyssey.

Weather:  The weather was nice today.  It wasn't too hot, but not too cold so it was nice to sit outside.

Moon Phase:  Waxing Gibbous, 79%

Sunrise / Sunset: 5:50 / 9:01

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January 7, 2022


Deck: 
 Tarot of the Divine

First Impressions:  Joyous, dancing, creativity, passion

Book: Playfulness, charisma, discovey, rogue enthusiasm

Guidance:  Making situations fun, childlike optimism

Journaling

It is impossible to succeed in this world alone and it is important to make allies.  It is also important to take life as it comes and make plans on the fly.  We cannot plan for everything that comes our way and being able to adjust is important.

One of the lessons I realize that I am learning because Y is in my life is that you have to be comfortable with ambiguity.  Life is going to come at you and you cannot necessarily prepare for every eventuality. The other thing I am learning from her horrible micromangement is that people need to have the ability to figure out a style that works for them.  It is important to say we need to set the ground rules, but we need to let people find their own way.  For instance, we need to establish the phases a project will go through and set the expectation that we will have a risk log, a decision log etc, but we can't micromanage down to the fields people have.  We also have to figure out what works for each group.  I realize that if I want to be successful, I have to pick good people and give them some freedom to do what works for them.  

Interestingly this is a lesson that Ted tried to teach me as he said people wanted to be challenged and have creativity in their job.  That means I need to set broad boundaries about wht works and let people go from there.


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September 22, 2019

First Impressions:  Creativity, Imagination, Daydreaming

Book:  Youthful energies creating an alternate reality

Guidance:  Transform an old paradigm into something new and playful

Journaling

This card is a reminder that I need downtime in my life to be creative and to come up with unique solutions.  I've been so busy lately that I haven't let myself take time to just be and it's made me short tempered and made me feel trapped.  It's also had me feeling very overwhelmed.  I feel like there is just so much to do that I don't dare take anytime to just walk in the park, smell the flowers, or just be.  I've been pushing myself to just do, do, do and it seems like I'm working 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  I know part of it is because I chose to take 4 courses this semester which is kind of an insane course load for someone working full time, but at the time I signed up for those courses, I didn't realize that OCM would explode and I'd have more work than I can handle. 

I was sitting on the couch today trying to work on a paper and I just couldn't do it.  My brain could not do it and I realized that I was overwhelmed with everything that was going on and that it is perfectly okay that I can't do everything at once and that I really need to be honest with myself about what is and is not realistic.  I also need to pace myself and not expect that I am going to have everything done the day it is assigned.  I would love to do that, but it isn't realistic and it is perfectly okay to not be a kamakazi about work.  I can do a little bit every day and it will all get done.

Gratitudes
I'm grateful for the beautiful sunflowers
I'm grateful for the awesome pork chops
I'm grateful for snuggling with Wendy
I'm grateful for sleeping late
I'm grateful for taking time to meditate
I'm grateful for the mandarin oranges

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October 26, 2016

Deck:  Fairie Tarot

First Impressions:  Enthusiasm, starting something

Book:  Threshold of a newly inspired direction, opportunity to discover potential, embark on self development, creative, enthusiastic, confident

Guidance:  Be Bold, Be Magical

May 25, 2018 Revisit

Another day that I didn't journal.  Things must have been pretty intense or I wasn't feeling well if I didn't make time to journal.  Even though I didn't know it when I pulled this card, I was at the beginning of a new adventure and creating my own life.

I was creating my exit from Chicago and in some ways the job i landed at itelligence came out of my putting it out there to the universe that I was ready to leave Chicago.  The Gods heard that and created a pathway for that to happen.  The one thing I don't understand is why they have not yet created a pathway for love.  I have been pretty vocal about that being what I want to manifest in life, but it hasn't happened yet.  I'm not sure why and I'm not sure what I would have to do to manifest it.

The only guidance they keep giving me is to be patient.  That is hard guidance for me to follow, but I know in my heart it is the right guidance and I know in my heart that it will work out.

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May 20, 2016


Deck:  Gaian Tarot

Card Name:  Child of Fire, pulled reversed

First Impressions:  Being blinded or blind to the fire, not seeing the defeat that is all around you.  Being lost in the darkness

Book:  Too much of a hurry to start a new project.  Pay attention to the details.  Need to be open to live and light.

Journaling
I'm not seeing the love that surrounds  me as I'm so caught up in my own darkness that I'm not open to possibilities.  I'm not wanting to be open to something new.  I'm not appreciating life with an open heart.  I'm mired in my own darkness and am not opening myself to the light.  I have to let go of my preconceived notions of love and life and trust the universe.

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