September 30, 2022
Card Name: Harvest of Wands
First Impressions: I love how the wolf is howling at the moon. This is a symbol of power and beauty.
Book: By honoring myself I gather faith in myself and harvest opportunity
Guidance: Walk through the world with confidence
Journaling:
I love the reminder to walk through the world with confidence. I am getting so much better at that. There are days when it is hard for me, but overall I have so much more confidence in who I am as a person than I did even 10 years ago. I've always been fairly confident about my abilities, but not about my fundamental worthiness.
I'm also realizing how much easier it i to walk through the world with confidence when someone is not tearing you down at every opportunity. John lived to tear me down and even admitted as much as he said he said things to take me down a few notches. To this day, I do not understand why you would go into a relationship with someone and then work to tear them down. Maybe it was because he felt so bad about himself that he had to "create" a creature lower than himself to feel superior. That is sad on so many levels as I don't understand why he wanted to tear me down instead of building himself up.
Where I'm At: Today was a really hard day as I was physically exhausted. I worked too late last night and it threw me off balance. After work, I went to Lane Bryant to return some clothes and Cam and I went to pick up her car. It cost me $3,500 to pick up the car and I was not expecting that expense. I had to take a step back and remind myself to be grateful that I had the money.
Weather: It was nice outside today. It was cool and a bit overcast.
Moon Phase: Waxing Crescent 23%
Sunrise / Sunset: 7:20 / 7:11
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
August 23, 2022
Deck: Secrets of the Rose tarot
Card Name: King of Batons
First Impressions: I love the flag /
Book: Impartial counsel, unforeseen legacy, honesty
Guidance: Leave the best legacy you can
Journaling:
I've been thinking a lot about legacy and about what I will leave behind. For me, it is important to leave my kids settled with houses so that all they have to do is work and they'll be fine. This student loan thing will help a lot as they'll only have to pay 10 years and then they will be done. Once that is done, I'll pass the houses over to them and we will move on.
I also want to leave a legacy as a good person. I think a lot about what it means to be kind, about what it means to help people, and what it means to support people. That is what I really want to do with my life.
Where I'm At: I went out in the morning to do some errands. I got my passport photos taken, took my drug screen, and went to Li Wah for lunch. All in all, it was a pretty good day. Until I got home and found that Glenn wanted me in the office Monday through Thursday next week, which is total bullshit.
Weather: It wasn't a horrible day out. It started out cool in the morning, but then got hot as the day went on.
Moon Phase: Waning Crescent 13%
Sunrise / Sunset: 6:42 / 8:15 am
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
August 23, 2022
Deck: Secrets of the Rose tarot
Card Name: King of Batons
First Impressions: I love the flag /
Book: Impartial counsel, unforeseen legacy, honesty
Guidance: Leave the best legacy you can
Journaling:
I've been thinking a lot about legacy and about what I will leave behind. For me, it is important to leave my kids settled with houses so that all they have to do is work and they'll be fine. This student loan thing will help a lot as they'll only have to pay 10 years and then they will be done. Once that is done, I'll pass the houses over to them and we will move on.
I also want to leave a legacy as a good person. I think a lot about what it means to be kind, about what it means to help people, and what it means to support people. That is what I really want to do with my life.
Where I'm At: I went out in the morning to do some errands. I got my passport photos taken, took my drug screen, and went to Li Wah for lunch. All in all, it was a pretty good day. Until I got home and found that Glenn wanted me in the office Monday through Thursday next week, which is total bullshit.
Weather: It wasn't a horrible day out. It started out cool in the morning, but then got hot as the day went on.
Moon Phase: Waning Crescent 13%
Sunrise / Sunset: 6:42 / 8:15 am
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
August 23, 2022
Deck: Secrets of the Rose tarot
Card Name: King of Batons
First Impressions: I love the flag /
Book: Impartial counsel, unforeseen legacy, honesty
Guidance: Leave the best legacy you can
Journaling:
I've been thinking a lot about legacy and about what I will leave behind. For me, it is important to leave my kids settled with houses so that all they have to do is work and they'll be fine. This student loan thing will help a lot as they'll only have to pay 10 years and then they will be done. Once that is done, I'll pass the houses over to them and we will move on.
I also want to leave a legacy as a good person. I think a lot about what it means to be kind, about what it means to help people, and what it means to support people. That is what I really want to do with my life.
Where I'm At: I went out in the morning to do some errands. I got my passport photos taken, took my drug screen, and went to Li Wah for lunch. All in all, it was a pretty good day. Until I got home and found that Glenn wanted me in the office Monday through Thursday next week, which is total bullshit.
Weather: It wasn't a horrible day out. It started out cool in the morning, but then got hot as the day went on.
Moon Phase: Waning Crescent 13%
Sunrise / Sunset: 6:42 / 8:15 am
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
May 31, 2022
First Impressions: Regal, calm, controlled, going forward
Book: Inner strength, self motivation,
Guidance: Integrity can fracture in explosive ways
Journaling:
This card reminds me of Pruitt on Station 19. He is wise and kind and takes care of the people who love him. And I guess he reminds me of my dad as well. I love my dad and I miss him. Even though he was annoying and misgonistyc, I never doubted that he loved me. I wish I had someone in my life now who loved me and would take care of me. Even though I know I am a badass, it would be nice to have someone take care of me once in a while. Someone to protect me and look out for me. I don't think I've had that since my daddy died. John certainly never took care of me and I am realizing that he didn't love me.
This card is all about inner strength and that's what I need to channel now.
Where: I'm at home this week. And right now am just hanging out with the doggos.
Weather: It was beautiful out today. The sun was shining and I spent time hanging out in the hammock and it was wonderful.
Moon Phase: Waxing Crescent, 1%
Sunrise / Sunset: 5:54/8:54
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
March 10, 2022
Deck: Light Seer's Tarot
First Impressions: Getting down to business, lighting the way, strong and courageous, not standing on ceremony
Book: Natural born leader, creative visionary, fearlessness, successful ideation
Guidance: Boldly express your offbeat weirdo
Journaling:
I love this card as it is a card of looking toward the future and of lighting the way. One of the things that I need to work on is really charting my course and figuring out where I want to go. I love the salary that my job provides, but I'm not thrilled with the work. I would much rather be living my own best life and doing what is important to me.
the problem is that I'm not sure how to get there. I think I need to do some serious magick and figure it out.
Where I'm At: I'm sitting on the couch with Clarko snoring next to me and Wendy in her cuddle cup.
Weather: It's a little cold out, but not snowing yet
Moon Phase: First Quarter 50%
Sunrise / Sunset: 6:46 am / 6:27 pm
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Deck: Tarot of the Divine
First Impressions: Wisdom, lit from the sun, forward motion
Book: Creative visions, loving a challenge and opportunity to strategize, only comfortable when he's in charge, intolerant of weakness in himself and others,
Guidance: Call upon the leader in yourself
Journaling
This is an incredibly interesting card as it speaks to me on so many levels. I do love to be creative and figure out how to take an idea from a spark to fruition. That's incredibly fun for me as I love the creativity involved in figuring out the angles, overcoming obstacles, etc. I think that's the real reason I want to stay at my current job as there is something immensely satisfying in doing something that no one thought could be done and doing it well. It feed my ego so much to have people tell me that I'm actually making it work. I also get personal satisfaction out of it as well, especially since I am really starting to see results. It's interesting because when I met with Cindy she said she was a builder and that applies to me as well. I love the leadership aspects of building something amazing, but I'm not so good at managing things and having to deal with employees.
It is the other piece of this where I fall down and that's only being comfortable when I'm in charge. This doesn't exhibit itself as not taking orders from my boss, but it does come into play when I end up having subordinates as I want to micromanage them and I am convinced that they will screw it up and I will have to fix it. However, when I take a step back and am kind to myself and look at things realistically instead of focusing on my flaws, I realize that in a lot of ways my behavior is completely understandable because the people I have had as subordinates have not really been up to the task. I had people trying to do quick reference guides who had no idea how to do the transactions. I also had people who didn't care. I hadn't actually hired any of these people so it makes sense that it didn't work. I can do a good job of mentoring and giving good direction when I have the right people working for me.
I have also learned that just because I think something critical doesn't mean that I'm a bad person or that I'm mean. It is okay to have those thoughts as long as you stifle them and what comes out of my mouth is helpful. I'm learning to do that with people at work as there are times I just want to say "What an idiot!" However, I've learned to stop, redirect, and come up with something helpful. There is too much meanness in the world, there is no reason that I need to contribute to it.
Book: Be careful, be aware of recklessness, inability to move forward, need to move forward, hesitating, uncertainty
Guidance: Be more assertive, be more confident
Journaling
This card fits where i am today as I have been dragging my heels about this course that I'm creating. I think the root cause is that I am afraid to go into the darkness again. I'm afraid of opening doors that I thought I'd closed. However, there is a reason this is coming up now so I will honor the process and go back into my darkness.
July 8, 2018
Interesting when I read this and think about the actual meanings of the words. I haven't worked on my course in a while and I think it is because I've learned the lessons and it really is time for me to move forward. I don't need to go back into the darkness and I don't owe it to anyone to guide them or help them. I guide my kids and I provide for them and I don't need to give my all to anyone.
I've also found that my daily and weekly tarot practices are helping me to dig into the darkness without becoming overwhelmed. I find so much healing in tarot and the discipline of pulling a card everyday really helps to to get all the junk out in a deliberate way.
No comments:
Post a Comment