Sunday, September 25, 2022

Four of Cups

October 22, 2022

Deck:  Tarot de St. Croix

First Impressions:  This card jumped out of me and spoke to me because Lisa had a link in the wrong place as the link I clicked was supposed to take me to the Four of Wands, which was my card for yesterday.  However, the link went to a Four of Cups reading.  This card always makes me sad because it is a painting that Lisa did of her brother who ended up manifesting a rare disease that created holes in the brain (Note:  These were her words and not mine).  This card is about not wanting more.  Interestingly, this reading also reflects my own thoughts on the four of cups as I view it as saying no to things that are not wanted or needed.

Book:  Being able to discern what makes you feel good

Guidance:   Saying no to what you don't need

Journaling:

Choosing this card because it was erroneously linked to the four of wands is the kind of amazing magick that I love in my life.  And what was interesting is how these cards are linked, at least in Lisa's deck.  The four of wands is about ritual and wonder and the four of cups was about the death of her brother and death and ritual go together.  

The core of this card is about letting go and refusing what no longer serves you and that is something I have been thinking a lot about lately.  We have WAY too much stuff in our house and it is time to say goodbye to a lot of it.  I am tired of buying things to store stuff when we really should just be getting rid of stuff.  I'm going to spend the cold dark days of winter purging and getting rid of those things that no longer serve me.

Where I'm At:  I'm at home today and Cam and I had a good day.  We did errands this morning, then worked on cleaning out the garage.  Our trip to the Farmer's Market was good as the Lemon Waves guy introduced himself and asked my name.  It was a good bit of socialization and exactly what I needed.

Weather:  The weather was absolutely perfect today and it was nice to hang out at the Farmers' Market and to work outside.  We didn't get everything done, but we did get a lot out.

Moon Phase:  Waning Crescent, 10%

Sunrise / Sunset: 7:44 / 6:36

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September 25, 2022

Deck:  The Gentle Tarot

First Impressions:  This card gives off waves of melocholy and sadness.  The person has very much withdrawn into themselves.  I also see a glimpse of a raven behind the person.

Book:  I sit, listen, heal and then return home-ready to smell the flowers.

Guidance:   Take time for yourself, but know when to come back

Journaling:

This card is a good reminder that it is okay to go within and take time for myself, but it is also important to be able to come out of the darkness and reengage.  I am realizing that I need this daily dark time on a regular basis or I get cranky.  For me, it is especially important during Mercury Retrograde to have time for me and to make time to chill, to relax, to be alone.  

I also need to take time to engage with nature.  It was so nice to go to Shaker Nature Center yesterday.  I missed taking that time to relax and enjoy nature.  To walk slowly and to really feel the fresh air on my face and smell the scents.  I think I'm going to figure out how to fit that into my regular routines.  One of the lessons I learned at da Bird was about Key Standard Routines or KSRs.  These are the routines that keep things humming along.  There were also regular operational reviews and I don't take time to review where my life is on a regular basis.  I think I am going to schedule a monthly operational review on the 6th of every month to check in with myself and take time to connect with my soul.

Where I'm At:  I'm home today, just chilling.  I did spend about 3 hours cleaning the kitchen and it looks so much better.  It feels good to have gotten all the counters clean and to have picked up the garbage.

Weather:  It's been overcast and rainy today.

Moon Phase:  New Moon

Sunrise / Sunset: 7:15/ 7:19

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August 13, 2022

Deck:  Secrets of the Rose Tarot

First Impressions:  This is an interesting interpretation of the four of cups for several reasons.  First the figure is a knight and not just a normal person.  Second, he is looking into the stream running by, but there is no cup being handed to him.  it makes me wonder if what he is missing out on is supposed to be the water in the stream.

Book:  Malaise, discontent, worry, contentment gives way to complacency and dissatisfaction.

Guidance:   Pick yourself up and shake yourself out

Journaling:

The guidance above didn't come from the book, but I know that when I am feeling this way, I have to take action to bring movement in my life.  And trust me, I'm feeling this way right now.  I'm sad and feeling like life is passing me by.  I also really hate my job and it isn't just my job, it is also just the whole corporate crap.  I love writing and research, but I know that such a path will not provide the income that I have now.  I have to figure out a way to get out from all the debt that I'm in so I can have a job that brings me satisfaction and not just money.  I know that the new job won't really bring me happiness, but at least I won't have to deal with the bullshit I'm dealing with now.

I don't know what the solution is, but I'm going to just keep turning it over and eventually the answer will come.

Where I'm At:  I'm home today and I had a mostly lazy day with the doggos.  Even though Clam is done with her horrible third shift hours, she is still adjusting so I'm mostly by myself.  I'm good with that, but my mind has been going to some dark places lately.  I'm so angry and frustrated by work.  And I just don't know what I want to do, which puts me in a difficult spot.  I did talk to Terry and Tyron for a bit today and it made me sad because their backyard is so nice and ours is still trashy.  It makes me angry that I am the only one of three people who works on the house.  

Weather:  The weather was actually pretty nice today.  It wasn't ungodly hot so I sat outside with Wendy for a while.  That girl sure loves her sun.

Moon Phase:  Waning Gibbous, 97%

Sunrise / Sunset: 6:31 / 8:30

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 June 16, 2022

Deck:  Intuitive Goddess

First Impressions:  Meditating, being calm, considering what has been offered

Book:  Discontent, non-attachment, gratitude, shift, meditation

Guidance:   Be open to new possibilities and many gifts will come your way

Journaling:

The reading for this may be one of my favorites for the four of cups.  I really like the idea of this card being non-attachment and meditation.  I usually think of this card as saying no to something that isn't right, but non-attachment works as it is about holding something and being present, but not attaching to it.  I struggle to do that as I like to possess things.  I also do like Seano does and buy things to make myself feel better.  I did not need those wind chimes this morning, but they made me feel better.  I need to take a step back and stop spending.  I need to let go of my need to possess and to accept that I don't need more stuff.

I also need to let go of my need to know everything that is going to happen and to be happy in the moment and trust that the universe will take core of the rest.  That is so hard for me, but I need to let go and open myself to possibilities and good things will happen.

Where I'm At:  I'm home today and it was hot outside.  I did spend some time outside with the doggos, but all I really wanted to do was chill out and relax.

Weather:  It was HOT

Moon Phase:  Waning Gibbous, 98%

Sunrise / Sunset: 5:50 / 9:03

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March 23, 2022

Deck:  Light Seer's Tarot

First Impressions:  Ignoring what's being offered, discontent, sadness

Book:  A time to meditate, not appreciating what you have, apathy, missed opportunities

Guidance:   Take a long hard look at your life

Journaling:

Interesting that this interpretation of the card calls for meditation as that is something I have been working to incorporate back into my life.  I did a really good job when I was taking the Eastern meditation course last year, but I kind of fell off the wagon when the course ended.  I'm working on easing back into it and I think the very best thing about meditating on a regular basis is that I sleep better when I meditation.  It calms the chatter in my head and helps me to just relax and not obsess and ruminate over things.

Where: I'm sitting on the couch while Wendy nests with a sleeping bag on the orange chair.  I love watching her nest and get herself all comfortable.  She was such a snuggle bug last night.  The bedroom was kind of cold so she slept under the blankets with me.  I absolutely love when she snuggles with me.

Weather:  It is chilly and rainy this morning.  The wind is also fierce.

Moon Phase:  Waning Gibbous, 69

Sunrise / Sunset: 7:24 am / 7:42 pm

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February 3, 2022


Deck:  
Tarot of the Divine

Card:  Four of Cups

First Impressions:  Looking for the razzle dazzle, not being aware of all choices, being withdrawn, introspective, putting your own needs first

Book:  Lack of awareness, pessimism, daydreaming, lethargy

Guidance:  Don't romanticize bad choices

Journaling:

This is an interesting card and in the traditional RWS it shows someone rejecting a "gift."  I tend to view this card as turning down stuff that isn't right for you.  However, the more traditional meaning of the card is about being introspective and that could be either positive or negative.  From a positive side, we all need time to daydream and go into our head; however, there can also be times when we are so self focused that we ignore the needs of others.  I think I may be doing that right now because I don't want to attend the stupid planning meeting because I get nothing out of it.  However, maybe I need to accept that other people need that meeting and that my showing up is not well received.  I don't particularly care what people think of me and I think it is a stupid meeting, but maybe I need to take one for the team.  However, I will not work overtime because of that stupid meeting.

I've been in such a dark dark place all week.  It seems as if we are snowed in and will never get to go out and about.  And the worst is that instead of getting to just snuggle in and enjoy the snow day, I have to work.  In my perfect world, I am snuggled up doing school work, then reading a book.  I can't go anywhere and it continues to snow and is a perfect day to just snuggle in with some warm jammies and ignore the weather.

The world seems to just be closing in on me and I'm sad and depressed all the time.  I know that I'm lucky because I'm not alone and I have a warm house to live in and a job that pays the bills, but I'm still struggling and am in a very dark place.  I think it would be easier if I didn't have to get up every morning and pretend that life was good.  I know wallowing can be a really dangerous slope, but today it might be nice.

Where I'm At:  I'm home today and snowed in and unable to go anywhere.

Mood:  I covered my deep, dark mood up above.

Weather:  Cold and snowy.  We have had almost 8 hours of snow in the last 24 hours and we are expecting 6 more.  

Moon Phase:  Waxing, Crescent

Sunrise / Sunset:  7:35 AM/ 5:45 PM

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May 4, 2020

The Four of Water from The Herbcrafter's Tarot is all about taking time to recharge and refresh the spirit.  It is also about not letting ourselves get overwhelmed.  Mint is the perfect plant for the four of water as it is an herb that can refresh and overwhelm.  Lathisha Guthrie said, "Mint plants are used as border plants because they can be trained to grow as a lively hedge.  However, just as mint can overtake the garden if it is not contained, your feelings can overwhelm."  She advises is to take time to replenish your emotional reserves.  This is advice that I'm working hard to implement right now as I'm going through a significant amount of change personally and Covid-19 means the world is undergoing a lot of change.  I'm realizing that it is more important than ever to take a step back once in a while and make time for myself.  I have to be kind to myself as I can't do everything all at once, I have to accept that sometimes I have to say no, even to things that look good.

Some of the spiritual practices that I've been putting into play are making time to pull my cards every day and journal about it.  Finding time to journal and really think about the cards and how they apply to me is important.  I've been pulling the cards and sitting with them for a day before writing about them the next day.  It lets me take a much deeper look than if I just pull them and write about them.  It gives me a chance to reflect upon their meaning over the course of the day and record any relevant insights before sitting down to write.  Gratitude is another practice that I'm working on and when I really practice gratitude, life flows much more smoothly.

The other card I pulled was The Voyage of the Heart from The Sacred Traveler Oracle Cards, which tells me that "Love flows through you and to you" and that I am beloved even if it doesn't feel that way.  It's interesting as I was reading through some of my old journals and the self loathing was painful to read.  Every other word out of my pen was about how horrible I was, how unlovable, how totally unredeemable.  I've come a long way since then and I am starting to appreciate my worth and my value.  It has been a long hard road, but I think I've come a long way and I am proud of the work I've done.
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March 21, 2020

I've decided that as part of my personal routine as we slog through the downtime ad uncertainty, I'm going to go back to pulling a daily card, but with a twist.  I'm going to pull a tarot card to ask me what I need to know for the day and an oracle card to guide me on putting the knowledge into action.  For now I'm using the original World Spirit Tarot drawn by Lauren O'Leary and the She who Watches Oracle Deck by Ellen Lorenzi-Prince.



The four of cups showed up to tell me that I need to stop wallowing in self-pity and discontent and I need to pick myself up, dust myself off and get on with it.  I have to let go of the fear and the feeling like nothing I do matters and just get on with it.  This is such a valid reading for today because just like the rest of the world I am mired in uncertainty.  I'm worried about my health, my job, my finances, and all of that, but this card tells me to let go of that apathy and do what I can do.  I can cook a wonderful dinner for my kids, I can go for a walk, I can do the work that I have to do, I can clean house.  There are so many things that I can do that are within my control and I need to focus on those things instead of focusing on all the things I cannot control.

Seal invited me into her world of magic and transformation and asked me to accept the challenge and to stay alert.  This is such an apt message for this time in the world's history because it is a challenge, but I also feel that there is an underlying transformation taking place and that if we can surf the waves and ride it out, we will be okay.

These cards were so powerful today in this time of transformation and they provided exactly the guidance that I needed.


January 9, 2021 Revisit

What's interesting to me is that this round of pulling cards apparently did not last very long.  I have the feeling that was because I was really hoping to get followers and wanted to have that unique space where people commented.  However, what I have come to realize is that this blog is really for me.  If someone else finds it and it gives them value, that's awesome, but it is really to give me a place to put my thoughts and organize them.  I also like having them online because then I'm not digging through old journals to find my thoughts.  It also gives me a good way to see my progression when I organize them card by card.

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August 18, 2019

Deck:  Tarot de St. Cruz

First Impressions:  Lonely, sad, feeling disconnected

Book:  Marching to defend their land

Guidance:  Being able to discern what makes you feel good

Journaling

This image makes me sad because it feels so lonely and if he is sitting there in despair watching and crying.  That suits my mood today because it feels as if I will never have the life that I want.  I'm spending all of my time working at a job that I don't like because it pays the bills and I don't know how to get out from under the burden of my job.  I think part of the problem is that I'm really good at what I do and for the most part I do a good job of juggling, but it is all catching up to me and I feel like I'm never going to escape.  There is a big part of me that just wants to sit on a cliff and throw my phone in the water.  I hate being tethered and I hate feeling like I can't even take vacation without everyone needing something.  I think that's why I'm so excited about going away to the cabin.  The thought of not having wifi is pretty cool.  I will be able to just to chill and to just be.  I miss the opportunity to just be.

I think the other reason that this card makes me feel lonely and disconnected is because of the story of Lisa's brother.  He had pretty much checked out of life and did not do such a good job taking care of himself.  He had suicidal ideation and he talked about blowing his brains out.  He was a powerful magician and it makes me wonder if he manifested the disease that took his life by eating holes in his brain.  There are so many days that I sit here and think about how none of this is worth it.  I'm doing a job that bores me to tears and instead of being home with my family, I'm always traveling. 

Today was particularly difficult because it is a reentry day.  I'm coming back from a week doing something awesome and amazing to knowing I have to go back to my job and continue to figure out how to make it work.

Gratitudes
I'm grateful for speaking my piece
I'm grateful for Sean's calming presence
I'm grateful that Sean participated in the 5K
I'm grateful for getting home safely
I'm grateful for snuggling with Wendy
I'm grateful for taking time to read
I'm grateful that I have an amazing home

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June 20, 2019

Deck:  World Spirit Tarot

First Impressions:  Not recognizing the bounty around you and the gifts you're being given

Book:  Emotionally cut off from the world, sometimes feel trapped within the misery of unrealistic expectations, feeling lonely because nothing is working out

Guidance:  Raise your head and commit to self empowerment, look on the bright side

Journaling

I usually look at the four of cups as a card of saying no to things we don't want, but I love this card because it is about being so focused on being miserable that we don't pay attention to the gifts and the bounty that are there for us.  Looking at this card, I realize that this is how I am when I am disconnected and feeling like no one cares about me.  I have come to realize since getting acupuncture and letting go of so much junk, that when I am feeling disconnected is it about my having disconnected from them having disconnected from me.  They are always there to guide and advise me, but sometimes I feel like I don't matter anymore and I shut myself off from my guides and the world.

There have been a lot of days lately where I have been so tired and exhausted that I've felt sorry for myself even though I am truly blessed in my life.  I have a good job, I've purchased a home, I have people who love me and respect me in my life.  It's true there are things that I don't have and things that could be better, but overall my life is pretty damn good.  However, instead of celebrating those blessings, I focus on the things that are wrong with my life or that aren't going perfectly.

I've also been focusing way too much on the fact that John is getting welfare even when he probably doesn't deserve it.  It really is not fair that he gets to sit on his ass and do nothing while I bust my butt and work hard for everything that I have.  However, dwelling on the situation will not change it and I need to let go.  Loving Kindness meditations help.  I also think I need to consciously say thank you (out loud) for all the gifts in my life instead of focusing on what I don't have.

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December 19, 2016

Deck:  Gilded Tarot

First Impressions:  Receiving

Book:  Suspicious, reluctant, bored, self absorbed, unable to appreciate goodness, disappointment with the status quo

Guidance:  Notice the gift, be open to receive, accept that you are worthy

Journaling

This card is about getting out of my self absorbed state and being willing to listen to the universe and receive gifts that are being offered.

One of the biggest gifts I have is that my body is still responsive to non-traditional ways of treating my diabetes.  Exercise still brings my blood sugar down.  For me it is about deciding I want health and being open to healing. It is so easy to turn to sugar for a quick energy hit, but all that does is create a downward spiral because it over taxes my body more and more.  I need to accept that I am going to deal with crap for a while while my body heals, but I won't start feeling better until I start listening to what my body truly wants and needs instead of just giving in to the quick sugar fix.  I might also need to go back to oatmeal for breakfast.  I know why I fell off the sugar wagon before, it was because I was doing all the right things and my blood sugar was dropping, but I wasn't losing weight so I got frustrated.

My real solution needs to be about focusing on how I feel instead of focusing on the numbers on the scale.  I did feel a lot better and had a lot more energy, but the minute I start feeling tired I go racing back to sugar and the whole damn cycle starts all over again.  At the end of the day, I don't want to die and I want to be here for my kids and giving up sugar is one way to increase the odds of that happening.

July 7, 2018  Revisit

All of what I said above is true and things that I still need to work on, but what struck me as I read the guidance this go round was to accept that you are worthy.  That is something I've had to struggle with my entire life.  I've worked hard for everything that I have, but I have never truly accepted that I am worthy just as a human being and that I don't need to prove anything to anyone.  I am a beautifully flawed and amazing person just the way I am and I don't need to change to be worthy of having good things in my life. 

I think that's why X's friendship is such a blessing in my life.  He is the first person that has ever truly loved me unconditionally with no strings attached.  He wants nothing from me, but our friendship and that is so refreshing.  Yes he can be annoying with his advice sometimes, but he gives the advice because he loves me and not because he is trying to fit me into some mold or because I embarrass him the way I am.

I know there are days when i don't even think I'm worthy of my spirit guides love and guidance.

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September 20, 2016

Deck:
  Hanson Roberts

Card:  Four of Cups, pulled reversed

First Impressions:  A giant hand is holding one of the chalices and the three others are sitting there.  The man looks either made or as if he is being obstinate.  Reversed, this card tells me to appreciate what I have.

Book:  New opportunities, keen to enter a new and dynamic time, fear of being alone, omen to start a new relationship, ready to face the world again

Guidance:  Open your heart to love

December 23, 2017

It was another day where all I did was pull the card and didn't spend anytime journaling.  It's really frustrating when I come across those days because the best part of re-reading my tarot journals is realizing where I was at and seeing if I've learned anything since I originally pulled the card. 

It is interesting to me how many times over the past year the cards have pretty much screamed at me to open my heart to love.  That's hard for me to do because I've been hurt so badly; however, I also realize that I will never have love in my life unless I am willing to open my heart and be willing to risk being hurt and/or disappointed.  That's a really scary thing for me to contemplate, but I decided that this year (starting on my birthday) was going to be the year of love and I'm currently working on self love and on opening up my heart  It's a little hard and a little scary, but day by day I'm getting there.

Clark is a really good role model for opening my heart to love a he just assumes people love him and he doesn't wait.  He jumps in to love with both feet and even though I know he had a hard life before we adopted him, he is so open to being loved.  I need to emulate him.

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May 26, 2016

Deck:  Gaian Tarot

Card:  Four of Water, Pulled reversed

First Impressions:  disconnected, drained lethargy

Book:  Disconnected, drained, empty, as if the well has run dry, not appreciating blessings

Journaling:

I do appreciate the blessings, but my impatience and disconnection  is ruining my enjoyment of them.  I'm feeling disconnected from everything and it is as if I am drifting.  It feels as if I have no purpose and that is hard for me.  I feel empty and as if I will never be loved.  My heart is empty and it feels I am just going through the motions.  However, I also realize that this time is a gift to sort through my feelings and to heal.  My heart is in need of healing and time to sort through these feelings and in that sense I have been givena  tremendous gift.  I have space right now to do ritual, to heal, and to renew myself.  I have to remind myself of that.  

Sometimes I get so caught up in being productive that I don't give myself time to feel.  I need time to feel and to see the things I need to let go of.  I need to do a water ritual again to let go.  I need to let go fo X, the feeling I'm not good enough, the walls I need to keep people away.  I need to get to of my hangups (note:  I couldn't read my handwriting :().  I need to just let go.

I don't need to think so hard about what to let go of and THEY know what I need to get go of.  I just need to surrender.  I need to surrender to teh waves and let that which is no longer needed be washed away.  I need to open my heart and ask to be cleansed.  I need to baptize myself in the purest sense.

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