Sunday, August 7, 2022

Strength

 August 7, 2022

Deck:  Secrets of the Rose Tarot

First Impressions:  I love this card as she has her eyes closed which shows total trust in her beast friend.

Book:  Discipline, Courage, Self Mastery, Gentleness taming fierceness

Guidance:   Dominating and transforming brute strength

Journaling:

I've had an interesting take on this card yesterday as my mantra for this year is "Be Kind" and I often find myself thinking unkind thoughts about random people that I encounter. For instance, if I encounter a large woman wearing leggings, my brain will default to "She looks terrible in that, doesn't she know it just makes her look bigger?"  Much reflection has helped me to realize that that is my mother's voice and that I am echoing things she would have said.  I do not want to be my mother so i am consciously working to change my thoughts.  When I think an unkind thought, my first conscious thought is a reminder to be kind.   Then I will consciously reframe my thought to something kind.  I might comment to myself how the color looks good on her or something else.  My hope is to get to the point where the kind thought comes naturally and I don't have to stop and consciously redirect my thinking.


 Where I'm At:  I'm at home today.  I ran out this morning to do some errands, then came home and spent some time working in the bedroom.  I actually got quite a bit done.

Weather:  It is absolutely disgusting out again today.  It was about 90 by lunch time and it was so soupy out that I didn't even want to sit outside.

Moon Phase:  Waxing Gibbous 72%

Sunrise / Sunset: 6:25/ 8:38


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 June 28, 2022

Deck:  Intuitive Night Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  I don't like this card as she really doesn't speak to me of strength

Book:  Compassion, endurance, inner strength, influence

Guidance:   True strength comes from knowing ourselves and knowing we can't change others

Journaling:

I like the reminder that strength comes from knowing we can't change others.  I do think that we can influence others and show them there is a different way, but we can't force people to change.  My marriage is a prime example of this as John wanted to change me and "domesticate" me because even though he said he wanted a wife who was his equal, that wasn't true.  He wanted someone to be a house frau and that was never me.  I like to have a clean house and I don't generally mind tidying up, but it is on my schedule and not others.  And I also do not like to clean up after other people.  I still don't and I'm working on whipping the kids into shape and getting them to clean up after themselves, but it is hard.

I have to be honest and say I also wanted John to change.  I really thought that he would grow up and stop drinking and drugging, but he never did.  I'm sure he is still drinking and drugging, but he is no longer my problem.  

Where I'm At:  I am at home today.  I got a lot of work done and am now just chilling on the couch with the doggos.

Weather:  It was actually so chilly today that Wendy did not want to lay outside.  She went out and did her business, then came inside.  I laid on the hammock for a bit, but it was cold.

Moon Phase:  Waning Crescent 8%

Sunrise / Sunset: 5:53 / 9:05

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 June 11, 2022

Deck:  Tarot of Little Secrets

First Impressions:  Contentment, happiness, peace, goldilocks, balance

Book:  Inner strength, compassion, gentle control, grace, trusting instincts, humility

Guidance:   Ego prickles when over nourished

Journaling:

The words that stuck out to me as I was reading this was humility and trusting instincts.  Trust is hard right now as I see the world going to hell in a handbasket and everything seems so unfair.  Little children are being murdered as they cower in their classrooms and that is a difficult thing to think about.  The people we trust to watch over our children are paid so little they have to go to food pantries.  However, I also know that people generally don't change until it is mandated and they will lose jobs, etc. or it is so painful and uncomfortable that they have to change.  The world is becoming a painful and uncomfortable place and that pain will hopefully drive change.  I don't know how people can continue to sit thee and watch children being slaughtered and not call for change.

The humility piece of this is understanding the serenity prayer and understanding that I cannot on my own change the world.  It is also understanding that all the shit that is going on in the world is not my fault and that I need to take a step back and take care of my self and reflect upon what I can realistically do to change the world.  I can take care of myself, I can maintain a better attitude, I can continue to research, and I can write about issues that are close to my heart.  I can also work to change individual people's lives.  I also need to do some cleansing work and to take care of myself.

Where am I at:

Weather:  It is overcast today and looks as if it will rain.

Moon Phase:  Waxing Gibbous, 87%

Sunrise / Sunset: 5:50 am / 9:01 pm

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 February 7, 2022


Deck: 
 Tarot of the Divine

First Impressions:  This is one of the only cards in this deck that I really don't like.  It shows her wrestling with the beast and exerting physical strength instead of emotional strength.

Book:  Courage, conviction, control, determination, patience, purity of heart and purpose

Guidance:  Stare any challenge in the face and overcome it

Journaling:

My first take on this is that it is another toxic positivity card as it is all about keep going no matter what,  I'm tired of that message.  However, when I look at the bigger picture, courage can simply be getting up every day and putting one foot in front of the other.  There are days when that is all that I can do and that's okay.  When I reflect on the words purity of heart and purpose, that is about taking time to consider the next right step.  It isn't rushing in at all costs, but it is taking the time to consider and think about what the next right step is.

I'm also reading this card as about patience and about being willing to wait for the outcome we desire.  Sometimes we get upset because the universe is not a cosmic vending machine and we are not willing to consider that there might be something better out there than the shiny object that we see right now.  Immediate satisfaction is so much a Western thing and as I reflect upon the busy world we live in, I'm realizing that moving fast is not always the right answer.  There is something to be said for moving slow and doing the right thing.  

I'm going to experiment with slow work this week and see what happens.  I feel that a slow work approach will help me do more quality work and will help me do a better job of keeping on track.

Where I'm At:  I'm at home

Mood:  I'm still a little tired as I've been doing some heavy duty psychic work, but overall I'm in a good mood and feeling hopeful.  I don't always feel hopeful, but I do today.

Weather: As I write this about noon, it is very clear out and 36%.  It is one of those beautiful days when the sun is sparkling off the snow.  And since our driveway is plowed, I don't feel so trapped.

Moon Phase:  Waxing Crescent, 40%

Sunrise / Sunset:  7:30 PM / 5:50 PM

January 24, 2022


Deck:  
Tarot of the Divine

First Impressions:  Wrestling, using physical strength, anger

Book:  Courage, conviction, control, determination, patience

Guidance:  Confidently stare any challenge in the face and overcome it

Journaling

This is an interesting interpretation of strength as in most decks it is about inner strength, but in this deck it is about both inner and outer strength.  For, me this is a hard card to draw today as I don't feel strong at all and I feel as if all I want to do is sleep.  It has been a rough couple of weeks and in some ways it feels as if the world is falling in around me.  

However, as I write this, I remind myself that it is mercury retrograde and the world always feels as if it is falling in on me when it is mercury retrograde.  All I need to do is sit tight and things will work themselves out. 

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October 11, 2019


Deck:  Tarot de St. Croix

First Impressions: Lion, face to face, taming my dragons

Book:  Meeting a challenge in the eye, card of courage, confidence, and determination

Guidance:  Be your most magnificent self

Journaling:

This card is incredibly hard for me because I was brought up to believe that I was weak and that I was nothing without a man to take care of me.  I'm learning that that is not how other people see me and that is difficult for me.  I remember when Blaze told me I was a strong woman and I was insulted.  There is a part of me that really wants to be the damsel in distress.  I want someone to rush in and take care of me and god knows there are days when it is really fucking hard to take care of myself.  There are days I hate having to be strong and to bear the entire burden.  However, the truth of the matter is that I've always had to take care of myself as I've never truly had anyone I could rely on to support me and be there for me.  I know my daddy loved me, but he never understood me and he never understood my drive to be my own person.  He also raised me to believe that women were second class citizens.  And my mother was even worse as my power threatened her and she constantly wanted me to tone it down and be demure.  That wasn't in my personality so as a result, I ended up being strong, but then second guessing myself.

It is so hard for me now when I hear J call me a strong personality as I don't see myself that way.  I see myself as on the verge of getting fired every day.  I don't see that what I've accomplished and I downplay my accomplishments.  Cam told me I was ballin, as in being a ball buster, for the dead email and for my SAP email.  I don't think it's that big of deal and I don't know why that impresses people so much.  I also don't see why starting an OCM practice impresses people as I just did what I needed to do to make it work.  There was no real plan, I just did the next right thing.  I think at the heart of it, I want to bail because I'm afraid that people will see that I'm a fraud and that I'm really not as great as all my hype.  I guess that I have a big time case of impostor's syndrome and the reality is that I am as good as my hype and I can do my job and I deserve the praise.  I love Lisa's Blog Post about Strength where she says, " Since then my whole life changed. I had been a rather timid, shy, introvert. I have become more assertive, much stronger and able to lead."  I am able to lead and can outwardly manifest the leadership, but internally I'm a shy little mouse.

Strength says to face my fears, but my fears are deep within my soul as I feel that I am unworthy of happiness and that at my core I am nothing.  I don't know how to reclaim myself and build a life that works for me.


Gratitudes;
I'm grateful that Cam is doing better
I'm grateful Sean took Cam to school
I'm grateful for JS' comments
I'm grateful for DS' comments
I'm grateful for taking care of myself
I'm grateful for snuggling with Wendy
I'm grateful for the work I got done

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July 24, 2019

Deck:  World Spirit Tarot

First Impressions:  Safety, security

Book:  Calm and firm, but not aggressive, living in harmony with her wild nature, knows the source of her strength is love

Guidance:  Tap into the deep sources of strength within you, look at balance

Journaling:

I love this card as it is a reminder that we all have passions and baser instincts, but that we can channel them and live in harmony with ourselves and others.  I don't view this card so much as taming my passions as it is about taming my baser nature.  My baser nature is the side of me that blurts things out before speaking and that doesn't take the time to think through the potential ramifications of my decisions.  Those are still my go to responses, but I'm learning that those may not be the best responses.

One of the lessons that I've really been struggling to learn lately is that sometimes I have to be the grown up in the room and that even when people are behaving badly, I sometimes get upset that I have to alter my approach while other people get to get away with being jackasses.  However, the biggest lesson I learned from my mother is that you cannot save people who do not want to be saved or do not believe they need to be saved.  I also get to choose my response based on what is in  my best interests and if it in my best interests to get along, that's what I'll do while I plan my exit strategy.

Another important lesson is that everyone does not have to like me.  There are some people that I just need to get along with.


Gratitudes

I'm grateful Sean got here safely
I'm grateful Cam took Wendy and Clark for walkies
I'm grateful for some quiet time
I'm grateful for good meetings
I'm grateful for Godfather's Pizza
I'm grateful for the great comments from Pat
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April 9, 2018

Deck:  RWS

First Impressions:  Triumph of love over anger and animalistic side

Book: Pure intent, strength, courage, love over hate, joy of becoming strong in one's actions

Guidance:  You have what it takes to triumph, take care of your body

Journaling

I love this card as it has turned up several times recently.  As with all cards, there are so many nuanced meanings.  For me, the meaning that resonates most right now is to take care of my physical being.  I have spent years neglecting my body's needs and that needs to stop.  I need to treat my body as a cherished friend intead of something to be battled and subdued.  My body has needs that I neglect because they are not convenient or because I don't like the messages that they are giving me.  I need to do a better job of taking care of myself.

Dearest ones,

Please help me to do a better job of caring for my body.  Please help me to be kind and gentle instead of angry and helpful.  Please help me to approach my interactions with my body from a place of love and not anger.

Blessings, Raine

December 29, 2018

This is another one that I have actually made a lot of progress on.  I've decided that the Dog Tarot is the voice of my body and I check in with her on a regular basis.  Maybe not as regularly as I should, but much more regularly than I have in the past.  I think I am going to make checking in with Willi part of my Friday routine.  It will be an awesome thing to do after I've had a bath and am relaxed and in a good space. 

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April 28, 2017


Deck:  Herbal Tarot

First Impressions:  Emotional strength, taming the best within

Book:  Use strength of love to push over the blockages and resistances within myself.  Use inner wisdom.

Guidance:  Use love to manifest your goals to inner power and self love

Affirmation:  I affirm the strength of my heart

Journaling:

I love the messages in this card.  The message of using love to tame my inner beast really and truly speaks to me.

April 28, 2022 Revisit

I am stronger than I know and my gifts have to be given in love.  There are other exchanges of energy other than money.  I've been given a well paying job so I can share with others.  Finish he course and put it online.  

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