Wednesday, August 3, 2022

July End of Month: Peace

 To help my personal growth, I've decided that not only will I have a card of the year, I will also choose a word each month to study and reflect on.  I'll be reading books and articles on my word of the month as well as figuring out activities that will help me incorporate that word into my life.  My word of the month for July is:


At the beginning and end of each month, I will also do a reading.  The beginning of the month reading will be about what lessons I can learn from the card and the end of month reading will be about what I did learn.  

End of the Month Reading

Deck:  Sacred Rose Tarot

What does
Peace mean for me right now?  
Peace means having the freedom to make my own decisions and to be comfortable in them.  It means not letting other people sway me from what I know is right for me.  It also means not letting other people disrupt my sense of self.  All of my life I have let other people influence my decisions and I always regretted it afterwards.  One of my biggest regrets is not getting my pilot license.  I had the opportunity when I was at Scott Air Force Base and I really and truly wanted to, but my Uncle made a comment about being responsible with my money and I had doubt and quit.  I wonder if I would have met different people and maybe met someone who was better for me.  Another regret is not going to Disney when we got back from Japan.  Charlene had to interfere in that one.  One of the things I have learned in my life is that if I pay my bills and take care of my loved ones, how I spend my money is my own decision.  

Interestingly, this card was also my card of the day and I wrote about choices in romantic partners and about whether I would happier choosing someone other than John.  I know I would have been happier, but what I don't know is if I would have been alive.  He had so much rage toward me and I honestly think he could have killed me.

What did I learn about Peace?

That peace comes from within and it colors everything that you do.  When I am at peace with myself, I am able to make better choices.  The Star is all about peace and hope and about trusting the universe to provide.  The Star is all about creativity and about manifesting the world that you want to live in.  One of the things that I have learned about manifesting is that manifesting can happen in unexpected ways and sometimes the things that you manifest don't really make you happy.  I've learned that when I manifest from a place of peace and happiness, I manifest things that bring me joy and happiness, but when I manifest from a place of poverty, I manifest things that on the surface are what I set out to manifest, but don't bring me joy.

I'm not sure how to manifest the next stage in my life.  I know that I'm not happy doing what I'm doing.  It feels mechanical and as if I am paying homage to The Man instead of really living.  In some ways I feel like I have become he person I never wanted to be, a corporate shill.  I don't know what the solution is, but after I manifest my PhD program, I am going to work on becoming my destiny.

What do I need to do to continue bringing Peace into my life?

I need to take time to look on the bright side and do not always be focused on the worst case scenario.  Like truly does begat like and when I look at the bright side and take pride in my accomplishments, more good things will come into my life.  This doesn't mean that I should delude myself into thinking that things are rosy when they are not, it means that I should look for the good in things
and focus on the good and not the bad.  I also have to quit "Yeah Butting..." when I am happy.  It is so hard for me sometimes to take happiness at face value and I always want to focus on what could happen.

I never thought about how much I borrow trouble.  Right now, I am secure in my job as far as I know.  I've been told not to worry about things, but I am walking in tomorrow morning expecting to be in trouble.  I don't know why I would think that.  I know I haven't done anything, but because there are people unhappy about how the whole ICorp thing is going down, I am already taking blame.  I know I could have done things better, but I also know that at the end of the day, it was not my decision to go with ICorp and there is nothing substantial I could have done better.  I just need to let it go and focus on today.

What benefits has  Peace  brought into my life?

This is a super weird card to pull in the position of what Peace has brought into my life, but this deck is weird like that sometimes.  This is also the only minor card I pulled in this reading which suggests that the benefits have been minor compared to the answers for the other questions.  The book meaning of this card is about moving forward despite uncertainty.  It is about making the first move and having confidence that things will work out in my favor.  Of course, figuring out what the first move is may be difficult.

Maybe I need to pull some cards to see what the next step is.  If I say that my PhD is important and it is my heart's desire, then the first step is working to manifest an opportunity at WMU.  Then the next step is manifesting a fully remote job.

I think I will take some time this opportunity to create and do a spread on my heart's desire and how to manifest it.

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