Saturday, August 6, 2022

Four of Wands

August 6, 2022

Deck:  Secrets of the Rose Tarot

Card Name:  Four of Batons

First Impressions:  This card doesn't look like any four of wands card I've seen as it is kind of strange.  It reminds me more of the four of pentacles than the four of wands.

Book:  Pleasure in the completion of a matter, work project perfected, closure and harvest, a job well done

Guidance:   Take pleasure in your accomplishments


This is an interesting read on this card and one that I'm not familiar with.  I'm much more familiar with the celebration aspect of the four of wands.  However, there is a celebration in completing a job and it is okay to take pleasure in accomplishments.  What I'm realizing is that all to often, we rush on to the next thing before acknowledging our awesomeness.  I think taking pleasure in our accomplishments is one way that we can stop and smell the roses.  We can say that I did this and it was good.

I'm feeling like a circle is being closed at work and while I'm not thrilled with how it is ending, I did my very best and it is not my fault that people lied.  The Cleveland plant lied and Icorp lied.  I am not responsible for those things and I am not taking ownership of them.

Where I'm At:  I'm at home right now.  I had to take Ms. Wendy to the vet this morning to check her ears and she acted uncharacteristically cranky.  She doesn't like the boy vet and while she didn't snap at him or anything, she wanted nothing to do with him.  After I took her to the vet, I went to the farmer's market and got some amazing looking peppers for chili.

Weather:  It is fucking gross outside.  It feels like 90 and there is 60% humidity.  When you walk outside, it feels as if you are sucking water.

Moon Phase:  Waxing gibbous 62%

Sunrise / Sunset: 6:24 / 8:29


  June 22, 2022

Deck:  Intuitive Dark goddess

First Impressions:  The hand reaching up is super weird.  I love the bower of flowers and the pillars of light though

Book:  Ceremony, harmony, joy, grounding

Guidance:   Appreciate the hard work you've done and the joy that surrounds me


I'm actually feeling happy today.  I had a good day at work and felt like I made progress.  I was also happy that Tiffany called to check on me as she wondered if I was having a bad day.  And I was, but I was also tired of Mary's queen of the world routine and that she gets to decide how implementations are going to go.  It is total BS and I'm just tired of it.  She does not get to decide how implementations go or how we manage meetings.  

I got over that though and I said my piece, escalated it, and moved on.  I've actually had a good day and I'm realizing that choosing joy and choosing to stay in my lane and manage what I can manage makes me a much happier person.  I've also been diligently working to keep the house tidier and that is helping a lot too.  I think sometimes we get caught up in the big rituals of life and don't think about the little ones like cleaning house, ringing the wind chimes in the morning.  And being grateful.

Where I'm At:  It was a really long and stressful day.  I'm frustrated about Intelex.  I see the need to proceed cautiously, but I honestly think we have enough information to change the scope or walk away.  However, I understand that that is a big step.

Weather:  It was really nice this morning, but it got sickningly hot this afternoon.  I sat out with the dogs for a while this afternoon, but it was even too hot for Wendy to want to stay out long.

Moon Phase:  Waning Crescent 36%

Sunrise / Sunset: 5:51 / 9:05


May 17, 2022

Deck:  Tarot of Little Secrets

First Impressions:  Stability and frivolity.  The castle gives a sense of stability and a sense that things are going to be okay and the wands and the fairies give a sense of frivolity.  For me this is about being able to have both.

Book:  Celebration, Joy, gathering

Guidance: New life grows in the garden of inception


As I reflect on this card, I think about the words that called to me which were stability and frivolity.  One of the things I've learned in life is that it is way easier to have frivolity if you have stability.  I've been reading so many heartbreaking stories lately about people who are working and doing the  best they can and still have nothing.  The saddest was a posting from a teacher who was $1,000 overdrawn and now had no money for food for the month.  The problem is that once you get overdrawn by that much it is hard to get back on your feet.  We should pay teachers a living wage and we don't.  The system is really set up to keep people poor.  I don't know how to get out of the poverty loop.  The only way I did it was working my ass off and job hopping, but I know that not everyone has the skills to be able to do that.

I gotta be super honest and say that there are days I just want to check out and not deal with all the bullshit anymore.

Where: I'm at home today and it was actually a good day as I was able to get a lot done.  Yesterday was hard as it felt like I didn't make any progress.

Weather:  It was cool, but it really felt amazing to have the window open and the cold air coming in

Moon Phase:  Waning Gibbous 97%

Sunrise / Sunset: 6:03 pm / 8:41 pm


March 25, 2022

Deck:  Light Seer's Tarot

First Impressions:  Joyous celebration, abandon

Book:  Celebration, prosperity, important event, stability

Guidance:   Relax, release, and allow your body to process it all


I love the meaning of this to relax and release.  I really need to start meditating more and focus on letting go.  I know from when I was married that I hold a lot of garbage in my body.  My shoulders hold it, my legs hold it, and my back holds it.  Meditation is one of the best ways to let go of it and get my body relaxed.

Where: I'm sitting on the couch and Wendy

Weather: It snowed early this morning, which is a reminder that you can never really be sure about spring in the Midwest until at least April (I'm actually writing this on the 26th)

Moon Phase:  Waning Gibbous, 47

Sunrise / Sunset: 7:21 am / 7:44 pm


February 16, 2022

Tarot of the Divine

First Impressions:  Love, focused on the person you love, celebration

Book:  Reunion, Success, Happiness, Family

Guidance:  Be thankful and cherish loved ones


As I reflect on this card, I'm realizing that it is about celebrating love in all forms.  It isn't about just having "the one."  I need to open myself to love in all different formats and lean into it.  That's super hard as I was raised around people who were not trustworthy and love was transactional.  It was all about you scratch my back and I scratch yours.  The worst was my grandmother who continually changed her will depending upon who was in favor.  That's not a good way to live.

I'm working on discovering true love, which is unconditional and beautiful.  It is connecting from the heart.  It is the love that I have for my beautiful and silly puppo.

Where I'm At: I'm at home. I had my doctor visit this morning and got good results.  I'm also sitting on the couch chilling and working on my tarot.  

Mood: I'm in a pretty good mood.  I don't really want to be awake and I'm not wanting to do my work today, but it's okay

Weather:   It is super windy outside, but it is supposed to get up to 52 today.

Moon Phase:  Full

Sunrise / Sunset:  7:19 am/6:01 PM


January 18, 2022

Tarot of the Divine

First Impressions:  Happiness, joy, love.  This card is also more focused on the people and less on the ritual aspects than other decks

Book: Reunion, success, rejoicing, family.  A well deserved celebration. Taking time to be grateful for one another

Guidance:  Be grateful for those you love

This is a hard card to receive today as it has been a totally shitty day and it is really hard to look for the positive.  I have been working to pay off my loans, but the expenses just keep piling up and there is no one but me to pay them.  I spent $800 on vet bills for Wendy, going to have to pay $2200 to get Sean's loans fixed, and am looking at a couple of thousand for the front window that cracked.  It's just depressing to keep getting slammed with more expenses.  And it is hard to be happy and celebrate.

This card also is about having a happy home environment and I'm not feeling today either.  I'm pissed off about someone's irresponsibility and about having to fix the window.  I knew it needed to be replaced, but was hoping that I could put it off for a little longer.  I'm also frustrated that I seem to always have to be the one that fixes things and takes care of things. 

January 19, 2022 Revisit

I think in part the gods sent me this card to piss me off and remind me it is okay to be angry and it is okay to be negative.  I look at my insta feed and it is full of talk about positivity and how we have to be positive all the time and that is a bunch of bullshit.  It is okay to be angry and it is okay to admit that it sucks that I spent time spending someone else's mess fixed and that I'm going to have to pay a ton of money to replace a window.  Those things truly suck and it is okay to acknowledge it.  However, the one thing it is not okay to do is to assume I'm being punished for something as I'm not.  Things just happen sometimes and it doesn't mean there is a direct correlation between something I did and did not do.  There is a possibility that the window cracked because I put a pad behind the couch and it made the window heat up, but there is also a possibility that the window cracked because it is old.  I don't know why and beating myself up is not going to fix the situation.  Sometimes things just are and we need to deal with them.
May 1, 2020

The Four of Wands from The Light Seer's Tarot is all about celebration and recognizing that life is a journey and a celebration all wrapped into one.  Sometimes we really need to let go of the "shoulds" and take time for all the things that make life fun.  I think sometimes we get all wrapped up in the shoulds and we don't take time to be grateful and to cherish the life that we have to live.  This was a weird card for me as I "graduated" with my MA this week, but there was no walk across the aisle.  I also quit a job that I really like to take something more secure.  The Four of wands is reminding me that I have accomplished a lot and it's okay to take some time to celebrate that and to cherish my accomplishments.

I'm also so incredibly fortunate that I have amazing kids who took time to decorate the house for my graduation on Saturday (the day graduation was supposed to have happened) and to really make it special for me.  They know that I was feeling time so they got streamers, a banner for in front of the house, and while I was out getting food, they decorated the house for me.  It made me feel special and truly loved.

Passion from the Journey Oracle reminds me that it is okay to live an authentic life and to be true to myself.  Sometimes I get caught up in biting my tongue because I want to satisfy other people and Passion says that that is not okay.  I need to be truthful and authentic.
June 5, 2019

First Impressions:  Celebration, Frivolity, working with others

Book:  Joyful passage from one phase to the next,

Guidance:  Delight has a vital place in creating lasting success, relax and enjoy, take price in what you've accomplished


One of the most important lessons I've learned lately is that when I let joy into my life, my life is much happier and oddly enough it also means I get more done.  Letting fun into my life is often difficult as I make these huge to do lists and feel like I just have to do, do, do.  However, I've gotten a lot better at reminding myself that life is not all about work and that joy really does matter.  We had a team event tonight and I actually let myself enjoy it.  I mingled with people, I socialized, and I enjoyed myself.  I'm not always good at that, but I'm making a conscious effort to let people in.

I do believe the loving kindness meditation is helping a lot as I'm starting to remind myself daily to love myself and to be kind and compassionate to myself.  Having that reminder on a daily basis means that it is starting to work its way into my DNA.  I always used to think that being an adult meant being serious all the time and not making time to be silly and to have fun.  However, I've learned that being an adult isn't about being serious all the time.  I can meet my obligations and do what I need to do without being serious all the time.  I've also realized that being open and fun draws people to me and that helps me meet people and to have more joy in my life.

December 29, 2017

Dark Goddess Tarot

Card Name:  Four of Fire

First Impressions:  My initial impressions of this card were not positive as it seemed to be someone pulling the strings.  However, as I did the reading, I realize that the intent is to show her influencing her children.  Overall this is a card of contentment as it shows our ancestors looking out for us.

Book:  Family, ancestors, and gods meet at the hearth; heart is a portal; ancestors live in the home fire; judge of domestic affairs

Guidance:  Scry using fire to receive messages from gods or ancestors, clean and smudge your house, acknowledge the gift of life you've received from your ancestors, do not pollute your future through poor behavior in the future


There are so many messages in this card.  I love the message of honoring the gift of the ancestors even if you can't honor them.  The ancestors did give me gifts that I cherish.  I am strong and independent because of my Grandmother Babcock.  When I work to connect with her, I find someone who was trapped by the circumstances she grew up with.  she was poor and had few opportunities.  I also knew that she was mentally ill and did not get the help she truly needed.  It's difficult to function when you have an untreated mental illness.

I also know how easy it is to become angry and mean when your emotional needs aren't being met.  In some ways, John deciding to leave was a gift because I was becoming incredibly angry and bitter.  I felt as if I just gave and gave and gave and that I got nothing in return..  I still don't feel as if I get a lot of emotional support from others, but I also don't feel as if my emotional energy is being completely drained.

January 8, 2018 Revisit

As I meditation on this card, the words that keep coming to mind are compassion, death, and perspective.  I need to learn to have compassion for myself and for others.  I'm being guided especially to have compassion for my mother.  I am still upset by the fact that I perceive her as choosing not to change, but what if she really can't choose to change?  Would I be judging her so harshly if she wasn't able to walk as fast as I can because she was handicapped?  I also have to remember that I've struggled to change even though I knew that changing was in my best interest.  I'm sure that there are people who think I was stubborn or was choosing not to change.

It's funny, as I was talking to someone from work today who exhibits a lot of the behavior that I used to exhibit:  being stubborn, taking everything personally, etc.  I was able to just listen to him without judging or taking any of it personally.  Maybe that's what I need to do with my mother.  Maybe I just need to realize that even though it feels personal, it isn't personal.  Maybe she truly is incapable of changing.

I also need to have compassion for myself and accept that her behavior hurts me and that I did the most compassionate thing that I could when I walked away.

May 24, 2016

Deck:  Gaian Tarot

Card Name:  Four of Fire, pulled reversed


I drew the four of fire reversed again.  That is the second time I've drawn this card in the last few days.  The Gods are telling me I am depleted and I need to reconnect with myself and the deities.  I am feeling physically and emotionally run down.  I feel as if I am bogged down in molasses.  Interesting I also pulled the tortoise card and that card is all about grounding and centering.


May 21, 2016

 Gaian Tarot

Card Name:  Four of Fire, pulled reversed

First impressions:  Not making time for ceremony or ritual, not being attuned to the natural world

Book:  Feeling depleted and worn out.  As if I am moving at the whims of others instead of myself.


This card describes where I am at as I feel disconnected from all that matters.  I feel adrift and disconnected from divinity.  I have been feeling disconnected and I haven't taken time to honor my guides and consult with them.  I haven't made time to sit in the stillness and listen.  I'm also disconnected from my body.  I've not eaten healthy and I've chosen to disconnect my body because I'm feeling disconnected.  I'm not feeling at peace in my body or comfortable in my own skin.


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