July 19, 2022
Card Name: Universe
First Impressions: I really like this image because it shows the hermaphroditic aspects of the Universe. I love the flowers and the happiness this picture depicts.
Book: Completion, unification, understanding, everything
Guidance: Completion of a cycle
I like the thought of it being the end of a cycle and all things being as they are supposed to. I'm feeling like I'm at the end of a cycle at work and as if I have nothing left to learn. I have learned so much about mentoring people from Glenn and about getting the best out of people. I've also learned that I have no desire to move up as I don't really care that much about work. I want to continue learning and I want to do my best, but I don't need to move up and be important. Work has truly become secondary to my life. At this point, work is a means to support myself and nothing else. It pays the bills. At my current job, I don't feel like I'm contributing to the world, just capitalism.
However, the research I want to do is another matter. I do believe that that is important and will contribute to the world.
Where I'm At: I'm at home today and it was such a long day. I got a lot done, but I was exhausted because I didn't get a good night's sleep.
Weather: It was actually pretty nice today. It was warm and sunny, but not too hot. The doggos and I sat outside for
Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous 61%
Sunrise / Sunset: 6:07 am / 8:57 pm
First Impressions: At home in my own skin, beautiful
Book: Mind, body, and spirit move in harmony with one another, emblem of wholeness, cycle reaching completion
Guidance: Know yourself and your place in the world
This is a card I hated when I first started working with the World Spirit Tarot. I hated how fat she is and how she always seemed to turn up to represent me. However, as I've learned to love myself and to be more comfortable in my own skin, I've started to see her beauty and her wholeness and started to appreciate my own beauty and wholeness. I find that when I focus on my wholeness and my beautiful spirit, I glow and I'm able to laugh at what comes my way. That doesn't mean that ugly stuff does not upset me, but it means I am more able to take it in stride.
I love that this is a card of completion and a card of moving into the next phase. In a lot of ways, this card is the precursor to the fool card as she is whole and complete, but there always comes a next phase and I think the Universe is in that place of celebration before moving into the next phase. I also love that she is whole and complete in and of herself. She does not need anyone to complete her. She is complete all by herself.
Book Meaning: Balance of conscious and unconscious, Being recognized yourself, completion and accomplishment, self realization
Guidance: Be mindful, be more calm
What a perfect card to draw today as I get ready to send a letter to my mother explaining why I'm not talking to her. In a way, this is the end to my childhood as it represents me truly standing up for myself.
Oddly enough, I didn't really feel a sense of completion after I sent the letter. In fact, a part of me felt as if it was was cruel and as if things were better left unsaid. I recognize that she will never recognize the validity of my point of view and she will just get defensive and fall back on her usual stance of "Well, I'm your mother." There's also the likelihood that she will go on the attack. It makes me sad when I realize that that's exactly how I used to behave. I took everything as a personal attack, even if people were trying to help me. I am so glad that I've learned a different way to act and that I'm helping my kids act differently.
I had such low self esteem that the slightest criticism made me get smaller and smaller until there were days I thought I would disappear. If I had to pick one word to define myself during those days, I would choose fragile as that truly defined me. I'm so much stronger now, but I still want and need people to have my back. One of the things I long for is to have had a mother who had my back like I have my kids' backs. I am there for them and I support them even when they make mistakes.
I've also realized that I don't really want a lot of friends as I'm comfortable being alone. However, I also know the kids will move out someday and it would be nice to have other people in my life.
November 7, 2017
It's been almost a year since I wrote that letter and my mother never wrote me back or reached out. It makes me so sad that she is so unaware that she cannot figure even open her mind to the possibility that she was wrong. Over the past year, I've really realized that you cannot help someone who is not ready to be helped and who is unable to recognize their own flaws.
I'm not exactly sure what was going on that I ended up with three cards for the day, but I believe that nothing happens by accident so I'll go with it. The World is about wholeness and completion about about being at one with the universe. It is a card that is about being pregnant with possibilities.
This card gives me a sense of completion and it feels as if one phase of my life is ending and another is just beginning. It feels as if I am ready to move on and to recognize my own worth. I don't need to prove myself anymore. I know my worth and the value that I bring to the table.
I wonder if this is about my job situation as I'm ready to move on and to have a more settled life.
May 8, 2016
World, completion, fulfillment, being whole, knowing my place in the world, accepting life's gifts
December 25, 2016
What truly struck me as I was reading through this was the phrase "accepting life's gifts." That's where I've been at lately as I've been working hard to accept and appreciate all the wondrous things that life has to offer and when I start to complain about something, I refocus myself and remind myself about all the good stuff that comes my way. When I complain about my kitchen, I remind myself about how amazing my house is. When I complain about work, I remind myself that I have a job. Sometimes it's difficult to do this as it feels unnatural, but I just keep reminding myself that every skill we ever learn feels unnatural at some point in time. The trick is to keep at it and eventually it will start feeling less strange.