I originally did this series of Shadow Work Questions in 2018 and it is feeling like it is time to revisit this work.
I'm still a work in process when it comes to my codependent personality and there are days when I think it would be beneficial to go back to program, but I also feel like I've moved beyond program and I have integrated so many healing modalities into my life that it would be hard to go back to just program.
I have become much better about approaching relationships with people from a perspective of equality, but I haven't been in relationship since my marriage and I honestly don't know how I would react. I think I have grown and matured and would be better able to come to the table as someone's equal, but I honestly don't know.
This, unfortunately, is another relic of growing up under Charlene. She taught me that my only value was what I could do for others. Everything was always a reflection on her and I was never valued for who I was. In reality, my mother never understood me. She never understood that I was smart and driven and that I was always going to be capable of taking care of myself.
The other way to read this card is that because I am capable of taking care of myself, I don't have a need to be interdependent with other people. I've periodically thought about what a relationship would look like now that I have become more independent and the truth is that I don't know. I honestly don't think I ever want to lie with someone every again. I like my independence.