Monday, June 6, 2022

June Word of the Month (Beginning): Passion

 To help my personal growth, I've decided that not only will I have a card of the year, I will also choose a word each month to study and reflect on.  I'll be reading books and articles on my word of the month as well as figuring out activities that will help me incorporate that word into my life.  My word of the month for June is:


At the beginning and end of each month, I will also do a reading.  The beginning of the month reading will be about what lessons I can learn from the card and the end of month reading will be about what I did learn.  

Beginning of the Month Reading

Deck:  Sacred Rose Tarot

What does passion mean for me right now?

The eight of cups is a very odd card to receive when thinking about what passion means for me right now.  However, when I read about disappointment or things not turning out the way I expected, this makes sense.  When I look at passion from a love and lust perspective, I am disappointed because I never expected to be ten years divorced and still alone.  I expected to be with someone and be wildly in love and happy.  And that hasn't happened, I'm happy with my life, but not passionate about it.

I've also been disappointed from an avocation perspective as well as I was hoping to be enrolled in a PhD program by now and working on researching something I am passionate about.  However, at the end of the semester, WMU decided to revamp their program and so now I'm out in the cold again.

When I sum these things up, it seems to me that passion means disappointment for me right now as I don't have that one great love in my life either from a love of my life perspective or something passionate about work.

What do I need to learn about Passion?

That in order to have true passion in my life, I need to be honest with myself and others.  I need to stop pretending that it is okay that I don't have love.  I have to put down my defenses and admit to myself that I really do want a passionate love affair in my life.  I also have to admit that there was a part of me that loved the fighting and making up with John.  In the early days of our marriage, we would fight passionately and make up.  And I never so much minded the physical.  There was something exiting about losing control and fighting and there were times when I bated him because I liked that passion.  However, then it became hurtful and he began emotionally abusing me and the words hurt so much.  He put me down and degraded me and that was not okay.  

What I need to learn about passion is whether physical passion can be empowering and not degrading.  There is a part of me that is terrified of falling in love and being passionate because I'm afraid of being hurt and degraded again.  I want to find someone who is my best friend, but who treats me passionately and tenderly.  I want passion to be empowering and loving.  

What do I need to do to bring Passion into my life?

This is a very strange card after the last card.  While the last card was about physical passion and the wonderful feelings of love and lust they can bring, this card seems to be back about school and studying and what makes me happy.  When I look at this card in combination with the last card, I think the message I'm receiving is to study what makes me happy and follow my own dreams.  However, at the same time I also have to be willing to put down my swords and be open to love and happiness.

When I look at the cards this way, this makes so much sense because I believe that when you are happy and doing the things that bring joy into your life, you attract good things.  I am finally at the point that I know I am worthy of love and I also know that when I am studying and learning new things I do glow with happiness.  So I'm just going to follow my bliss and know that love and passion will come my way.

What benefits will I have bringing Passion into my life?

Another interesting card!  The three of wands is about making your dreams come true and bring passion into my life will help me be fulfilled on all fronts.  If I bring passion into my life on the intellectual front, I will feel happy and fulfilled and if I bring passion into my life on the physical front, I will be at peace.  I will feel that my life is complete.

I do have to admit that as I'm writing that, there is a part of me that is saying, "But I'm a strong and independent woman and don't need no man."  However, the truth of the matter is that I am lonely a lot of the time and it would be nice to have someone to have grownup conversations with and someone who gets me.

I guess at the end of the day, I'm just going to continue to put it out there, be my own person, and see what happens.

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