Wednesday, May 11, 2022

Ace of Cups

May 11, 2022

Deck:  Tarot of Little Secrets

First Impressions:  serenity, abundance, love overflowing, peace

Book:  Love, grace, healing, nourishment, awareness

Guidance: Regeneration comes from spiritual gifts


Today felt like a day of grace.  It felt so good to help someone and to be able to provide tangible support to someone who needed it.  The only downside is that it also makes me aware how totally worthless my job is.  The only worthwhile part of my job is my paycheck.  Other than that, I'm just working to keep a huge company that makes crappy product in business.

There has to be more to life than that, but I'm not sure how to get there because I need a certain paycheck to survive and keep a roof over my head.  There are jobs that look really good and I would be doing something that really matters, but I don't know how to get from here to there.  I guess I just continue to pray and reflect.

Where: I'm home today and it was a good day.  We had a meeting to talk about K's situation and it feels like I really did a good thing today.

Weather:  The weather was absolutely beautiful today.  It is finally starting to feel like spring.  I'm not a big one for hot weather, but it felt nice outside

Moon Phase:  Waxing Gibbous 74%

Sunrise / Sunset: 6:09 / 8:35


April 16, 2022

Tarot of Little Secrets

First Impressions:  Joy, peace, overflowing with goodness, happiness

Book:  Love, grace, nourishment, awareness

Guidance:  Regeneration comes from spiritual gifts


I love the weekends as I get to focus on what is important to me and don't have to deal with work crap.  I also feel like I am more clearheaded and focused on what is important to me.  I really wish that I could just walk away from my job right now, but I can't as I really want to get vested and be able to walk away with my retirement money.  However, I do know that I can start planning for what life after the bird looks like.

Where: It's Saturday and I'm chilling out with the dogs in the living room.  I've worked hard today though as this paper is killing me.  Of course, part of it is my own fault a I am really good about going down rabbit holes

Weather:  It is clear and sunny, but a little cold out

Moon Phase:  Full Moon

Sunrise / Sunset:  6:42 am / 8:08 pm


March 16, 2022

Deck:  Light Seer's Tarot

First Impressions:  Magic, mystery, heart centered, feeling the love, a fancy coffee drink

Book:  Awakening the heart, newfound emotions, joy, bliss, creativity

Guidance:   Consciously connect with the world


The world feels black and scary and it feels like love is not enough against men with tanks and guns.  It feels like hate is the only answer and I hate to say it that today it feels like hate is stronger than love.  It also feels like there is no point to loving because everything can be taken away in an instant.  However, even though life can be taken away in an instance, there is still a need for love.  Love is what gets me up in the morning.  I hate my job, but I love my kids and dogs and want to provide for them.  Love is what keeps me going when I feel like I can't read another minute of my research assignments.  Love is what keeps me going when it feels like there is nothing in the world that matters.  

Love does matter.  And it is the love of country, love of family, that keep Ukraine fighting.  It is love of our fellow man that has good people putting their lives on the line.  And it is love that keeps our hearts open.  If we all stop loving and stop caring, the world will be a dark and horrible place.  So even though somedays it is hard to fill my heart with love, that is the right thing to do.

Where I'm At: I'm sitting on the couch while Cam crunches cereal and Clark looks at me with adoring eyes.  Sean is taking off to see his dad today.

Weather:  It is 43 and sunny today.  

Moon Phase:  Waxing Gibbous 96%

Sunrise / Sunset: 7:36 am / 7:34 pm


September 14, 2019

First Impressions:  Maintaining emotional stability

Book:  High emotions and positive feelings

Guidance:  Enjoy a surge of emotions, particularly love, joy, and hope


Listening to Cam's testimony this evening was one of the hardest things I've every done as I needed to help her by asking hard questions when all I wanted to do was comfort her.  However, even though I am angry about what happened, I am so glad that she survived and I am so glad that I am able to be kind and supportive to her.  She's stressed, but she is doing an amazing job of holding up and I am so proud of her.  I did feel a surge of love today as I realized how much love I am surrounded by and it is a good feeling to know that I am in a position to both give and receive love.  After Sean got home, the three of us sat and talked and laughed for a while before going to bed.  Our home is full of such love and support and even when one of us is cranky, we are able to love and support each other.

As I write this, I'm listening to the band Ace of Cups and feeling such peace and joy.  I love their story as they started as a band in the 1960s, but never received a recording contract.  Now there is a resurgence in interest in their music and they are recording.  It is such a great story.  It also made me realize the true power of connection as I discovered there music a few months ago and when I went to Lisa's site today to read about the card, I found they had sent her a note about the deck.  That just made me feel so connected and full of Goddess love.


I'm grateful for the walk with Cam and the dogs
I'm grateful for Sean getting Jimmy John's
I'm grateful for having the time to work on my paper
I'm grateful Cam is cleaning out the "Dog Room"
I'm grateful for sitting outside with Wendy
I'm grateful for snuggling with Wendy
I'm grateful for the time spent laughing with the kids

June 16, 2019

Deck:  World Spirit Tarot

First Impressions:  Overflowing with emotion, being emotionally whole

Book:  Beginning of journey through the suit of water, symbolizing love, the emotions, intuition, realm of the heart,

Guidance:  Remember that the law of the universe is Love, spread Joy, drink from the fountain and be inspired by the beauty and harmony of the Ace of Cups


I've awakened the last few mornings with Wendy snuggled up against me and
she smiles when she seems I'm there.  I love that baby doggy so much.  She is so loving and kind and I love to see her smile.  She has become so much more outgoing since we had her and she is smiling more and more.  She's also learning that cuddling doesn't mean having to be on top of me and that it can mean just laying beside me while I pet her.  That is huge for her.  She is also the one being in my life who loves with a truly open heart.  She loves me unconditionally and I matter so much to her that just being around her fills me with love.

Being around Wendy and seeing her unconditional love for our family is really helping me to open my heart to love unconditionally.  If she can choose to love and be kind when she was neglected and abused, who am i to choose not to love when I have people in my life that love me.  Every time I snuggle with her I am reminded of the power of love to change lives.

December 30, 2016

Ace of Cups
Gilded Tarot
Deck:  Gilded Tarot

First Impressions:  I love the phases of the moon above the cup, but I don't really like the eye looking down.  For me that is kind of creepy.  This card is about emotional fulfillment.

Book:  Infinite supply of love, spiritual gifts, relationship opportunities, peaceful, grateful, feeling enriched, purity of emotions

Guidance:  Deepen your capacity for love


The ace of cups is such a hopeful card!  It reminds me that to receive love I have to open myself up and be willing to receive.  This is why I've been doing a lot of work with my solar plexus chakra.  I have to be open to receiving love and that's not something that I'm always comfortable with..  I sometimes avoid showing up in life and that's unfortunate for me.  I still want someone in my life, but I've gotten to the point in my life where I need to be comfortable with me.  I'm not going to spend my life waiting for something that may never be.

Dearest Ones,
I surrender my feelings to you and I know that you have the perfect person for me.  Please help me to be patient and to love the life I have.  Also, please help me to truly show up in life and guide me to the opportunities and experiences that are right for me.

Blessed Be,

It always amazes me how calm and centered I feel after praying and turning things over.  It isn't always easy but a sense of calmness washes over me when I am able to get out of my own way and communicate with the divine.

December 30, 2017

It still amazes me how praying helps me to feel better about anything that is going on.  It just brings that intense feeling of peace that lasts throughout the day.  I've also found that if I pray on a regular basis, I am better able to respond to situations and to think more clearly.

December 13, 2016

Deck:  Gilded Tarot

First Impressions:  I have mixed feelings about this card.  I love the moon phases, but they eye always strikes me as a little creepy.  The Ace of Cups is about emotional fulfillment.

Book:  Idealism, romance, spiritual love is meant to guide us, drawn along by feelings, do not run, giving or receiving love or blessings.

Guidance:  Do not run from your emotions, identify and express your feelings.


This is a hard card for me to receive today.  I'm feeling mired in feelings of aloneness, shame, and despair.  Part of me feels like I should not have spoken out to my mother, but then I am so tired of keeping my silence.  I'm tired of being too nice.  I could totally relate to Minty (from a book I read) in that I just took it.  I kept nodding m y head and acquiescing even when it was something I didn't want.  

I learned from my mother that my thoughts and feelings didn't matter and that she fucking knew best.  Like the goddamned bumper sticker that she scraped off my car that I was paying for.  she was so concerned about what people would think so that without even asking she scraped it off my car.  And when I called the bitch on it, she gave me some bullshit about not wanting it in her yard.  What she was too stupid to get is that she had no right to mess with my belongings and that she could have asked me to move or to just back in.  But no, she took matters into her own hands and took it off the car.

That's what she always did.  She never considered my feelings at all.  It was all about appearances and what she fucking wanted.  It was just like when she planted those stupid flowers in my plant, then had the audacity to be upset when I took them out. 

January 25, 2018

Wow!  I've finally realize why I get so upset with the maids messing with my stuff.  It all goes back to the total disrespect my mother has shown me my entire life.  She never listens and always thinks she knows best.  Even when I told her to leave the dishes, she would do them and then put them in stupid places.  

Reading this, it seems I still have a whole lot of anger over how my mother treated me growing up.  Well the good news is that I am no longer under her thumb and if I ever let her back in my life, I'm strong enough to tell her to go F* herself if she exhibits that same behavior.

December 3, 2016

Ace of Cups
Gilded Tarot
Deck:  Gilded Tarot

First Impressions:  This card as interesting as it seems to be about intellect and knowledge flowing into the cup instead of emotions.  I do love how the phases of the moon are over the cup, tying it to emotions and intuition.

Book:  Purity of emotion, spiritual love, meant to guide as in being drawn along by a feeling, do not run from intuition, peaceful, grateful, receiving love and blessings

Guidance:  Accept and feel your emotions


I am in a place in my life where I am emotionally fulfilled.  I'm accepting and recognizing the love that is all around me and that's a good thing.  I feel as if I am blossoming by surrounding myself by people who are supportive and uplifting instead of gossipy nags.

I never realized how much my upbringing negatively affected me.  My mother truly did set the stage for my marriage to John as she trained me to be a subservient nobody and that's exactly what he wanted in a wife:  Someone who would do her bidding and not want a life of her own.  My saving grace is that he was incapable of supporting a family so I had to work to support us.  If that hadn't been the case, I might have lost all of me.

December 28, 2017

Sitting here in my house that only has my name on the mortgage, I'm realizing exactly how much I have broken away from my upbringing as I am not the person I was raised to be.  My mother raised me to be subservient and to put everyone else first, but somehow I've overcome that and become a strong and independent woman. 

As I write that phrase, I am so glad for Nephthys showing up in my life.  I have to be honest and say I was so afraid when she first showed up as she was the epitome of a virgin woman:  strong, independent, and confident.  I was terrified of being independent as I'd been raised to believe that a woman was nothing without a man, but I am someone all by myself.  Although I'd like someone in my life, I can still be complete and whole onto myself without someone. 

Dearest Nephthys,

Thank you so much for showing up all those years ago and taking me under your wing.  Thank you for helping me become the strong and independent woman I am today.  And I finally know I am independent enough to share my life with someone.



September 29, 2016

Ace of Cups
Deck:  Hanson Roberts

Card:  Pulled Reversed

First Impressions:  I don't like this card, which is why it was one of my least favorites, it appears that the cup is suspended  by the water flowing instead of the water flowing into the cup, then overflowing.  Reversed this card says emotional emptiness and sadness to me.

Book:  Creativity and deeper feelings elude you, distancing yourself from something that will disturb you emotionally, feelings of spiritual disconnection.

Guidance:  Take care of yourself, do the right thing


I am feeling empty today as if my life is without meaning.  My problem is that I am so emotionally invested in work that I take it personally.  None of this is personal.  These people are just idiots and don't know what they are doing.  They think they are so smart that they refuse to listen to people who have done this multiple times and too arrogant to accept help.  I'm done trying to help them.  I will deliver my what I'm supposed to deliver and that's that.  My main goal is to not say anything stupid and get fired.

December 23, 2017

As I reflect on this card, I realize that it is about life force draining out of you and not being replenished.  The traditional card has water flowing into and out of the cup and that's what happens in the natural flow of things when energy flows into and out of our soul.  When we get blocked or dis-eased, our energy gets stuck and we feel empty.  I've learned that I truly need to take time to recharge my batteries or I become empty and cranky.
April 27, 2016

Herbal Tarot

First Impressions:  Emotional fulfillment

Book:  Divine love, inner peace, enlightenment, when we move to the heart's path we find deap inner healing

Guidance:  Listen to the heart's wisdom, follow your heart, have faith

Affirmation:  I open myself to the wisdom of the heart


My heart tells me to be patient and that it is all working itself out and that we will be together.  However, my fear brain says I'm fooling myself.  Maybe I need to sic Frank on my fears.

April 29, 2016
Interseting I pulled this card on the day he reached out.  However, I have to just let it ride and see what plays out.  I can't get so excited because we have done this dance for a long time and I don't know what's going to come of it.  I need to just trust.

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