Sunday, March 6, 2022

March Word of the Month: Loving--Beginning of the Month

 To help my personal growth, I've decided that not only will I have a card of the year, I will also choose a word each month to study and reflect on.  I'll be reading books and articles on my word of the month as well as figuring out activities that will help me incorporate that word into my life.  My word of the month for February is:


At the beginning and end of each month, I will also do a reading.  The beginning of the month reading will be about what lessons I can learn from the card and the end of month reading will be about what I did learn.  

Beginning of the Month Reading

Deck:  Light Seer's Tarot

Love is a hard emotion for me as there is a part of me that stopped believing in romantic love and happily ever after.  It feels like for some reason the gods don't feel I am worth of romantic love and I'm not good enough.  I don't know why and it really hurts to feel that way.  I know that I love my kids and my dogs.  I also know that I have love in my heart, but it feels like no one will ever love me the way I deserve to be loved.  There was a part of me that wanted to change this card, however I chose these words at the beginning of the year and I have learned a lot from my choices of clarity and nurturing, so maybe I will learn something about love as well.

What does loving mean for me right now?
The Page of Wands is an odd messenger for what loving means right now, but the message that I am getting is to embrace my creativity and let myself be inspired.  I can create the life that I want by loving my life and looking for the beauty and inspiration.  One of the things that I know about myself is that I do have a negative attitude a lot of the times and I look for the worst.  I need to start expecting and looking for the best and life will be better.  Additionally, even though this card is about experiencing that bolt of creativity and inspiration, I think part of finding creativity and inspiration is getting into the right mindset.  If we are open to creativity and inspiration, we will find it.

I also know that when I open myself to creativity, I am more excited and loving and love begats love.

What do I need to learn about loving?

The Ten of Wands is all about burdens and carrying things that are not ours, but this card tells me that it is okay to recognize when something isn't really love and to take the things that I do love and walk away.  I should have walked away from John much sooner than I did as he is a toxic person and he probably never loved me.  He loved the idea of me.  He loved the thought that he could mold me into something he wanted me to be.  He kept piling more and more burdens on my back.  I had to be the breadwinner, I had to take care of the house, I had to be there for the kids.  He was supposed to be my help mate, but he wasn't.

The lesson for me is that love is not about shouldering all the burden.  My life is worth more than being just the best of burden.  I need to learn to share the burden and to hold other people accountable for their share.  There are times when we do carry more, but not always.

This card is also about leaving behind things that no longer serve you and walking away when the burden becomes to great and the other person is abusive.  I should have walked away from my mother when she verbally abused me in college, but I didn't because I had been brought up to believe that we have to respect our elders at all costs.  That was the biggest load of bull crap ever.

What do I need to do to bring loving into my life?

The Page of Swords tells me that I need to let go of worrying about love and just live my life.  The light bulb moment for me with this card is that loving is not about romantic love, it is about loving my life and living every minute of it to the fullest.  It is about building a life filled with loving of ideas, loving of activities, and loving of the people (skin and fur) who share my life.  The truth of the matter is that I already have a loving life.  I love my critters and my kids.  I love school and learning.  And I love my snug and quiet life.

The other message from the Page of Swords is to let go of old ideas.  The message I got from Charlene was that I had to be married and have two point five kids, give up my identity, and devote all of my time to them.  That was never who I was or what I wanted.  I am a hermit at heart and I love my solitary pursuits.  I love spending the day reading or hiking alone or just being by myself.  I don't need someone else to make me happy.  

What benefits will I have bringing loving into my life?

The nine of cups tells me that bringing loving into my life means a life full of exuberance and joy.  Inviting loving energy into my life will make my wishes come true as I will live a life of joy and happiness.  This card is a reminder to be happy and work to live a joyous life.

Yes there are terrible things happening in the world, but spending all my time moping about them doesn't make them go away.  All my negative and nasty energy does is make the world a nastier place.

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