Saturday, March 19, 2022

High Priestess

 March 19, 2022


Deck:  
Light Seer's Tarot

First Impressions:  Channeling the divine, messages from higher power, being still

Book:  Dreams and visions, serendipity, meditation, quiet time in contemplation

Guidance:   Pay attention to inner wisdom

Journaling:

The message that I am receiving loud and clear is that I need to start investing in myself and in meditation.  I always have so much more clarity when I am meditating on a regular basis.  I feel so much more attuned to the universe and connected to the path ahead of me.  I haven't done a great job of regularly meditating since class last year.  What I truly loved about that class is that it forced me to meditate at least weekly.  I need to invest in  myself one night a week.  I am going to try hard to make the Monday class and I'm going to set aside Friday night for meditation.

Where: I'm chilling out in the living room.  Wendy is on the orange chair and Clark has gone up to bed.  It was a great day today as I went to the library and got a lot done.

Weather:  It is chilly out and it rained today, but it is definately starting to look like spring

Moon Phase:  Waning Gibbous, 98

Sunrise / Sunset: 7:31am / 7: 37

========================================================================

January 20, 2022


Deck:  Tarot of The Divine

Card:  The High Priestess

First Impressions:  Serene, cerebral, content, a woman who belongs to herself, balance

Book:  Wisdom, intuition, dreams, meandering

Guidance:  Focus on what your intuition is telling you, draw your own conclusions

Journaling:

This is yet another call to clarity through trusting  my intuition.  It is amazing what I have learned about clarity from the cards.  I went into this thinking that clarity was about intellect, but everything I'm reading and learning through the cards is about intuition.  However, I do think that reading and intellect has  place in clarity because as we read and absorb, that information becomes part of us and is tapped by our intuition.  As we learn and grow, our intuition changes as it learns from what we have read and experienced.

This card is also about owning who you are and setting your boundaries.  I reached out for window information and most of them love the damn phone calls.  However, I don't answer the phone and when they do email me, I tell them that I prefer to communicate via email.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
September 23, 2019

Deck:  Tarot de St. Croix

First Impressions:  Magic and mystery, being true to ourselves, ancient female mysteries

Book:  Magic of shapeshifting, ability to fly to other realms

Guidance: Listen to our inner wisdom

Journaling

Isis is telling me that I am the high priestess of my own life and that I need to set my own course.  I will be given guidance, but I need to decide deep within my soul what I want to do.  Do I want to continue to be a wage slave or do I want to explore my passion and change the world?  Most days being a wage slave is easy as it means just showing up and doing my job, but it is really hard for me not to put my heart and soul into something.  I do know that I'm struggling right now as I feel totally overwhelmed and as if I am totally sucking at everything I touch.  That's a really bad feeling because I like to deliver excellence, but that's really hard to do when I'm split between so many projects and I feel like I don't get to know and truly help anyone.

I'm also not feeling like I really get a chance to impact anyone's life as all I do i pop in and out and deal with the science piece of change management.  I want to truly help people and I don't know how to move from what I do now into helping people.  Maybe the first piece is to see if I can set a rate for coaching that would cover my existing salary.  That would give me an idea of what I needed to do to move into a coaching position.  I can also research coaching programs to see if I can get the training I need to get certified.  Those are good first steps.

Gratitudes

I'm grateful for Jamie's support
I'm grateful for the good calls today
I'm grateful for the call with David
I'm grateful for the beautiful weather
I'm grateful for Christy and Carrie being kind
I'm grateful for working through a lot of my backlog
I'm grateful for Tom's kind words

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
May 27, 2019

Deck;  World Spirit Tarot

First Impressions:
  Self contained, power onto oneself, in touch with the universe

Book:  Standing in solitude and silence, guarding the mysterious realm, speaking through dreams

Guidance:  Come into a place of stillness, receptivity, and self awareness

Journaling

This is an image that it is easy for me to lose myself in.  I can imagine myself stepping into the body of the high priestess and standing naked and unafraid under the crescent moon while I draw down the goddess herself.  I love the way she is standing in a stone circle and her shadow is before her as the moon lights the path.  The more and more I clear out the mental clutter in my life, the more I realize that we are connected to the goddess and our intuition at all times, but sometimes we let life get in the way and we feel disconnected.

One of the biggest changes I've noticed in my life as I have moved from randomly choosing tarot cards (although we know there is nothing random about it), is that I've felt more connected to my intuition.  I've felt more attuned to the world around me and to my inner world.  It has also helped me to let go of things in the past that I didn't even realize I was fiercely holding on to.  I've also come to see that when I obsess over things, that means I'm holding on to some pain surrounding them and that obsessing about them is my way of trying to work out the pain.  It isn't an effective way, but it is a way that my psyche attempts to work things out.

One of the things I realized over the weekend when I was reflecting on the Virgin of Guadalupe who is my goddess of the week is that I was angry at myself over my mother calling me a drunken slut when I told her I was going to AA.  At that point in my life I was so beaten and broken and afraid that I did not tell her to fuck off and that I deserved to be treated with respect.  Instead, I absorbed her ugly words and became even more broken.  I think there is a part of me that has thought for thirty years that I was a sell out because I needed her and dad to support me through college.  However, when I look at myself with loving kindness, I realize that I was too broken and hurt to do anything else.  I had also been raised to be very sheltered and to respect my elders at all costs.  I saw how my  mother continued taking care of her mother despite the abuse my grandmother heaped upon her.  In reality, there is nothing else I could have done.

As I reflect upon this card, I realize that this is also a card of standing tall and being whole within yourself.  It is a card of knowing that I am worthy and knowing that I am enough, just as I am.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

January 4, 2018

Priestess
Dark Goddess Tarot
Deck:  Dark Goddess Tarot

First Impressions:  My first impressions of this card are of studiousness, of going within, and of inner knowing.  This is also a card of scrying and general knowledge.  It also represents feminine wisdom.

Book:  From dissolution comes awareness, portal through which gods speak to man, sacred stone is the navel of the world, sisterhood, relinquishing your name

Guidance:  Believe in the power of oracles, believe in your intuition, you know more than you can explain, read the signs of day and night.


Journaling:

I love the reminder to trust the oracle and your intuition.  One of the things I've been learning /realizing is that I need to return to the time of innocence and faith.  It is so hard to trust sometimes because of all these doubts about whether I am worthy creep in, but I am a child of the divine so of course I am worthy.  This leads me to the question of If I'm worthy and should not be judged, than who am I to be judging John as unworthy?

The message I'm receiving is that I am not judging whether or not he is worthy of divine love, I'm saying that he has hurt and betrayed me and I no longer want the craziness and disruption that he brings to my life.  Those are two separate things.

January 20, 2018 Revisit

This is amazingly profound and it gives me deep satisfaction as I think a lot of my turmoil about my life is about wanting to set boundaries and not have people in my life, but then I view myself as judgmental.  The reality is that saying someone has hurt you and that you do not want them in your life is way different than being judgmental.

As I reflect on this, I'm realizing that being judgmental is judging people's behavior that may or may not affect you.  Wow! as I wrote this, I realized that my mother has influenced this behavior as well because I hated what a judgmental bitch she was so I've gone the opposite way and refused to set boundaries that protect myself.  She judged me for working even though it did not affect her so because of that I chose to not judge John and let him abuse me because if I set a boundary, I would be judging him.  Wow!  That's pretty f*ed up.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



No comments:

Post a Comment

Popular Posts