Saturday, March 26, 2022

Four of Wands


March 25, 2022

Deck:  Light Seer's Tarot

First Impressions:  Joyous celebration, abandon

Book:  Celebration, prosperity, important event, stability

Guidance:   Relax, release, and allow your body to process it all

Journaling:

I love the meaning of this to relax and release.  I really need to start meditating more and focus on letting go.  I know from when I was married that I hold a lot of garbage in my body.  My shoulders hold it, my legs hold it, and my back holds it.  Meditation is one of the best ways to let go of it and get my body relaxed.

Where: I'm sitting on the couch and Wendy

Weather: It snowed early this morning, which is a reminder that you can never really be sure about spring in the Midwest until at least April (I'm actually writing this on the 26th)

Moon Phase:  Waning Gibbous, 47

Sunrise / Sunset: 7:21 am / 7:44 pm

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

February 16, 2022


Deck:  
Tarot of the Divine

First Impressions:  Love, focused on the person you love, celebration

Book:  Reunion, Success, Happiness, Family

Guidance:  Be thankful and cherish loved ones

Journaling:

As I reflect on this card, I'm realizing that it is about celebrating love in all forms.  It isn't about just having "the one."  I need to open myself to love in all different formats and lean into it.  That's super hard as I was raised around people who were not trustworthy and love was transactional.  It was all about you scratch my back and I scratch yours.  The worst was my grandmother who continually changed her will depending upon who was in favor.  That's not a good way to live.

I'm working on discovering true love, which is unconditional and beautiful.  It is connecting from the heart.  It is the love that I have for my beautiful and silly puppo.

Where I'm At: I'm at home. I had my doctor visit this morning and got good results.  I'm also sitting on the couch chilling and working on my tarot.  

Mood: I'm in a pretty good mood.  I don't really want to be awake and I'm not wanting to do my work today, but it's okay

Weather:   It is super windy outside, but it is supposed to get up to 52 today.

Moon Phase:  Full

Sunrise / Sunset:  7:19 am/6:01 PM



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

January 18, 2022


Deck:  
Tarot of the Divine

First Impressions:  Happiness, joy, love.  This card is also more focused on the people and less on the ritual aspects than other decks

Book: Reunion, success, rejoicing, family.  A well deserved celebration. Taking time to be grateful for one another

Guidance:  Be grateful for those you love

Journaling: 
This is a hard card to receive today as it has been a totally shitty day and it is really hard to look for the positive.  I have been working to pay off my loans, but the expenses just keep piling up and there is no one but me to pay them.  I spent $800 on vet bills for Wendy, going to have to pay $2200 to get Sean's loans fixed, and am looking at a couple of thousand for the front window that cracked.  It's just depressing to keep getting slammed with more expenses.  And it is hard to be happy and celebrate.

This card also is about having a happy home environment and I'm not feeling today either.  I'm pissed off about someone's irresponsibility and about having to fix the window.  I knew it needed to be replaced, but was hoping that I could put it off for a little longer.  I'm also frustrated that I seem to always have to be the one that fixes things and takes care of things. 

January 19, 2022 Revisit

I think in part the gods sent me this card to piss me off and remind me it is okay to be angry and it is okay to be negative.  I look at my insta feed and it is full of talk about positivity and how we have to be positive all the time and that is a bunch of bullshit.  It is okay to be angry and it is okay to admit that it sucks that I spent time spending someone else's mess fixed and that I'm going to have to pay a ton of money to replace a window.  Those things truly suck and it is okay to acknowledge it.  However, the one thing it is not okay to do is to assume I'm being punished for something as I'm not.  Things just happen sometimes and it doesn't mean there is a direct correlation between something I did and did not do.  There is a possibility that the window cracked because I put a pad behind the couch and it made the window heat up, but there is also a possibility that the window cracked because it is old.  I don't know why and beating myself up is not going to fix the situation.  Sometimes things just are and we need to deal with them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
May 1, 2020


The Four of Wands from The Light Seer's Tarot is all about celebration and recognizing that life is a journey and a celebration all wrapped into one.  Sometimes we really need to let go of the "shoulds" and take time for all the things that make life fun.  I think sometimes we get all wrapped up in the shoulds and we don't take time to be grateful and to cherish the life that we have to live.  This was a weird card for me as I "graduated" with my MA this week, but there was no walk across the aisle.  I also quit a job that I really like to take something more secure.  The Four of wands is reminding me that I have accomplished a lot and it's okay to take some time to celebrate that and to cherish my accomplishments.

I'm also so incredibly fortunate that I have amazing kids who took time to decorate the house for my graduation on Saturday (the day graduation was supposed to have happened) and to really make it special for me.  They know that I was feeling time so they got streamers, a banner for in front of the house, and while I was out getting food, they decorated the house for me.  It made me feel special and truly loved.

Passion from the Journey Oracle reminds me that it is okay to live an authentic life and to be true to myself.  Sometimes I get caught up in biting my tongue because I want to satisfy other people and Passion says that that is not okay.  I need to be truthful and authentic.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
June 5, 2019

First Impressions:  Celebration, Frivolity, working with others

Book:  Joyful passage from one phase to the next,

Guidance:  Delight has a vital place in creating lasting success, relax and enjoy, take price in what you've accomplished

Journaling

One of the most important lessons I've learned lately is that when I let joy into my life, my life is much happier and oddly enough it also means I get more done.  Letting fun into my life is often difficult as I make these huge to do lists and feel like I just have to do, do, do.  However, I've gotten a lot better at reminding myself that life is not all about work and that joy really does matter.  We had a team event tonight and I actually let myself enjoy it.  I mingled with people, I socialized, and I enjoyed myself.  I'm not always good at that, but I'm making a conscious effort to let people in.

I do believe the loving kindness meditation is helping a lot as I'm starting to remind myself daily to love myself and to be kind and compassionate to myself.  Having that reminder on a daily basis means that it is starting to work its way into my DNA.  I always used to think that being an adult meant being serious all the time and not making time to be silly and to have fun.  However, I've learned that being an adult isn't about being serious all the time.  I can meet my obligations and do what I need to do without being serious all the time.  I've also realized that being open and fun draws people to me and that helps me meet people and to have more joy in my life.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
December 29, 2017

Deck:  
Dark Goddess Tarot

Card Name:  Four of Fire

First Impressions:  My initial impressions of this card were not positive as it seemed to be someone pulling the strings.  However, as I did the reading, I realize that the intent is to show her influencing her children.  Overall this is a card of contentment as it shows our ancestors looking out for us.

Book:  Family, ancestors, and gods meet at the hearth; heart is a portal; ancestors live in the home fire; judge of domestic affairs

Guidance:  Scry using fire to receive messages from gods or ancestors, clean and smudge your house, acknowledge the gift of life you've received from your ancestors, do not pollute your future through poor behavior in the future

Journaling

There are so many messages in this card.  I love the message of honoring the gift of the ancestors even if you can't honor them.  The ancestors did give me gifts that I cherish.  I am strong and independent because of my Grandmother Babcock.  When I work to connect with her, I find someone who was trapped by the circumstances she grew up with.  she was poor and had few opportunities.  I also knew that she was mentally ill and did not get the help she truly needed.  It's difficult to function when you have an untreated mental illness.

I also know how easy it is to become angry and mean when your emotional needs aren't being met.  In some ways, John deciding to leave was a gift because I was becoming incredibly angry and bitter.  I felt as if I just gave and gave and gave and that I got nothing in return..  I still don't feel as if I get a lot of emotional support from others, but I also don't feel as if my emotional energy is being completely drained.

January 8, 2018 Revisit

As I meditation on this card, the words that keep coming to mind are compassion, death, and perspective.  I need to learn to have compassion for myself and for others.  I'm being guided especially to have compassion for my mother.  I am still upset by the fact that I perceive her as choosing not to change, but what if she really can't choose to change?  Would I be judging her so harshly if she wasn't able to walk as fast as I can because she was handicapped?  I also have to remember that I've struggled to change even though I knew that changing was in my best interest.  I'm sure that there are people who think I was stubborn or was choosing not to change.

It's funny, as I was talking to someone from work today who exhibits a lot of the behavior that I used to exhibit:  being stubborn, taking everything personally, etc.  I was able to just listen to him without judging or taking any of it personally.  Maybe that's what I need to do with my mother.  Maybe I just need to realize that even though it feels personal, it isn't personal.  Maybe she truly is incapable of changing.

I also need to have compassion for myself and accept that her behavior hurts me and that I did the most compassionate thing that I could when I walked away.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
May 24, 2016


Deck:  Gaian Tarot

Card Name:  Four of Fire, pulled reversed

Journaling

I drew the four of fire reversed again.  That is the second time I've drawn this card in the last few days.  The Gods are telling me I am depleted and I need to reconnect with myself and the deities.  I am feeling physically and emotionally run down.  I feel as if I am bogged down in molasses.  Interesting I also pulled the tortoise card and that card is all about grounding and centering.






-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

May 21, 2016


Deck: 
 Gaian Tarot

Card Name:  Four of Fire, pulled reversed

First impressions:  Not making time for ceremony or ritual, not being attuneed to the natural world

Book:  Feeling depleted and worn out.  As if I am moving at the whims of others instead of myself.

Journaling:

This card describes where I am at as I feel disconnected from all that matters.  I feel adrift and disconnected from divinity.  I have been feeling disconnected and I haven't taken time to honor my guides and consult with them.  I haven't made time to sit in the stillness and listen.  I'm also disconnected from my body.  I've not eaten healthy and I've chosen to disconnect my body because I'm feeling disconnected.  I'm not feeling at meace in my body or comfortable in my own skin.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

No comments:

Post a Comment

Popular Posts