Saturday, March 5, 2022

February Word of the Month: Nurturing --End of Month Reading

 To help my personal growth, I've decided that not only will I have a card of the year, I will also choose a word each month to study and reflect on.  I'll be reading books and articles on my word of the month as well as figuring out activities that will help me incorporate that word into my life.  My word of the month for February was:

Nurturing

At the beginning and end of each month, I will also do a reading.  The beginning of the month reading will be about what lessons I can learn from the card and the end of month reading will be about what I did learn.  

End of the Month Reading

Deck:  Light Seer's Tarot



What does nurture mean for me right now?

Death and rebirth tells me that nurturing looks like letting go of the past and accepting that there are things I need to let go of in order for new things to grow.  This is a beautiful card and reminder that in death there is rebirth.  We always look at death as endings, but they are also beginnings.

This was a really rough month for me right now as Wendy ended up in the hospital twice and my heart panicked as I thought about the possibility of losing her.  However, I also know that if I had not lost Luke, I would not have had Wendy.  I loved him so deeply and he was the dog / being that helped me realize that I truly was worth of love.  He was always there for me even when I felt like I was out of my mind, but dog's lives are short and there was only so far that he could take me on my journey.

Wendy has different lessons for me and she is teaching me to love and accept myself no matter what.  She has some horrible habits, but I still love her.  She has also taught me that being big and strong does not make me less feminine.  She is strong and a little klutzy, but when I look at her, I see beauty.  She also nurtures in a bossy kind of way and I think that is something I need in my life as sometimes I don't have discipline and I'm not tough with myself.  

The work I've done this month has given me a different view of nurture.

What did I learn about nurturing?

In a totally wild " coincidence," I pulled the Five of Wands, which is the card I pulled at the beginning of the month.  I learned that nurturing can involve conflict both with myself and with others.  Sometimes my ideas of what other people need may be at odds with what they think they need.  And this card is telling me that as long as the other person is in their right mind, I need to step back and let them live their own life.  That's too funny as at the beginning of the month, I was complaining because Cam was thinking about not taking the job at Metro.  She ended up pulling herself out of the running for that position and there is a part of me that thinks she made the wrong decision.  However, at the end of the day she needs to be happy.

Oddly enough, there is a position open at Metro that I am considering applying for, but the thing that is holding me back is knowing that there is no way that the job will pay as much as I need to make.  A couple of cards this week have indicated that I need to look at the situation logically and not from the heart.  That means I need to not even consider it and look for other ways to satisfy my heart.

What do I need to do to continue bringing nurturing into my life?

Justice tells me that I need to stay balanced and continue to look at things from both an emotional and logical perspective.  The message I have received loud and clear is that nurturing is an intentional act.  It is not something that just happens.  It happens when you put work into it and when you set an intention to be nurturing.  Nurturing is about karma and balance and what you put out there comes back to you.  One of the interesting things in the book meaning for this card is that fear will cause us to act in ways that we are not proud of.  That is something I really need to ponder because the situation with the Evil M is all about fear.  I am afraid that people will like her better than me and that I will end up homeless and penniless if people like her more than me.  That is not a good spot to be in and it gives her the upper hand.

As I reflect on this, I am realizing that there is a positive and negative to ego.  I tend to view ego as a negative as in I think that I am all that.  However, the ego also helps me to see that I am okay.  That I am a good person.  that I am worthy of love and affection.  This card is telling me to balance letting ego turn me into a megalomania and ego helping me to be healthy and safe.  I'm realizing that as I read this I need to reach out to my ego and to nurture her.  She is often fragile and hiding in the shadows and I need to draw her out and help her to be healthy.

What benefits has  nurturing brought into my life?

Consciously working to bring nurturing into my light has helped me realize that nurturing is not weak and it is not passive.  It is a conscious act of love and jumping in to help, as evidenced by the Knight of Swords,  that helps me to take better care of myself and to take better care of those that I love.  As I look back on the past month, I realize that consciously focusing on nurturing has helped me applaud and give credit to others as I have not needed to make it all about me.  It has also helped me to realize that there are a lot of ways to be a badass and that being a badass does not mean having my shields up all the time.  I think a lot of this change in attitude had to do with watching Mission Joy.  Seeing the world through the eyes of Desmond Tutu and the Dalai Lama and the joy and love they bring to the world, despite the hardship they have faced has helped me to see the power of nurturing myself and others.

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