Saturday, February 5, 2022

February Word of the Month: Nurturing --Beginning of Month Reading

 To help my personal growth, I've decided that not only will I have a card of the year, I will also choose a word each month to study and reflect on.  I'll be reading books and articles on my word of the month as well as figuring out activities that will help me incorporate that word into my life.  My word of the month for February is:


At the beginning and end of each month, I will also do a reading.  The beginning of the month reading will be about what lessons I can learn from the card and the end of month reading will be about what I did learn.  

Beginning of the Month Reading

Deck:  Light Seer's Tarot

What does nurturing mean for me right now?
Pulling the Page of Swords for this question was odd as for me the swords are cold and calculating and not the warmth and fuzziness that I usually associate with nurturing.  However, the message I am receiving loud and clear is to nurture learning, to nurture my intelligence, and to nurture all of me. New ideas need to be held close and nurtured or they may die.  Additionally, although we often think about nurturing as warmth and love, nurturing can also mean fiercely defending our ideas and the people we love.  Nurturing is just as much about cuddles as it is about being Mama Bear.

This card also reminds me to nurture the little nerd girl that I once was.  It is about nurturing the girl who was finding her way in the world.  The girl who loved to learn and was a social outcast because she preferred books to people.  It's important to nurture the creative and intellectual spark in that little girl.  There are times when I think that little girl was unloved and is still unlovable.  However, that is not true because I love myself and I love that little girl.  The problem is that I don't so much fit into to the "normal" world.  This card reminds me that that is okay.

What do I need to learn about nurturing?

The Five of Wands is another odd card to pull related to nurturing as I think about this card being about sharp edges and competition.  However, as noted above, I need to remember that nurturing isn't jut about fluffy stuff, it is also about pushing people to be their best.  I'm wondering if this card is telling me that I need to push the kids harder and not just be "marshmallow mommy."  That makes sense as sometimes I think they are too comfortable.  I am so pissed off right now that Cam is considering turning down the job at MetroHealth if she gets offered it.  She'd rather stay and work part time at Paper.  it seems like they are never going to leave and be independent.  I love them dearly, but they need to become independent and maybe I need to not make life so comfortable.

The other aspect of this card that I'm picking up is that just because there is conflict doesn't mean their is anger.  Conflict can be nurturing, if it pushes you to become better.  I do know that when people have given up they quit spending time coaching and helping you do better.

What do I need to do to bring nurturing into my life?

If the two cards above seemed to be strange, the Tower threw me for a huge loop as at first glance it seems to be saying the way to bring nurturing into your life is to wait for your entire world to be blown up and for you to be reduced to tears.  However, as I reflect upon it, this card is telling me that to bring nurturing into my life, I need to let go of the barriers I've put up.  Right now there are the physical barriers of Covid and the snow, I also put up barriers of fear and scorn for others.  I need to take down those barriers so that I can let people in and be nurtured.

The reason I was able to let people in right after my divorce was that I was shattered and I had no energy to put my shields up.  However, now life is less complicated and I am in a better place so I do have the energy to put my shields up.  The key will be figuring out the balance between having my shields up and letting people nurture me.

What benefits will I have bringing nurturing into my life?

I just have to say this before I go on, this guy likes like Grizzly Adams.  He has that same sweet smile.  At first glance, the King of Pentacles tells me that bringing nurturing into my life will help me be more relaxed and comfortable in my own skin.  Nurturing myself and others will help me manifest the life that I desire.  And it will help me become the person that I desire.  

Nurturing will help me let go of my defensiveness and open up.  I'm realizing that a lot of what I'm feeling is a result of trauma.  I was really starting to heal, but then the pandemic hit and life went insane.  Now, I'm feeling trapped again and I never do well when I feel trapped, it puts up all my shields and I get tense and anxious.  However, there is really nothing about the snow and being stuck here for a few days.  My house is enough shield and I don't need to put my personal shields up.

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