Thursday, February 1, 2018

Shadow Work--Day 2: How do my relationships mirror my shadow side?

How do my relationships mirror my shadow side?

The hanged man can tell us a lot of things as sometimes he tells us we need to get another perspective, but in this instance the Hanged Man is telling me that my relationships are about self sacrifice.  I sacrificed myself for my ex-husband.  I made myself less and less so that he could feel better about himself until I almost disappeared.  I sacrifice for my children so that they have what they need and I sacrifice at work.  The lesson I've been learning about sacrifice is that it is important that we know we have a choice in saying yes or no to sacrifice.  I was raised to believe that my needs were secondary to everyone else's so I never thought that I had a choice in saying yes or no to sacrifice.  I've learned over the last eight years that I do have a choice and sacrifices that are willingly made are much sweeter than those that are demanded.

The Warrior tells me that I am fierce and protected in all of my relationships.  I never feel comfortable letting my guard down and just being.  I always have to be on the defensive and always protecting my tender heart.  Additionally, I love to drive and be in control.  These characteristics make it very hard for people to get to know me.  The cards have been telling me for a very long time that it is time to let down my guard and to let people in and it is something that is very hard for me to do.

The fool is double edged as I leaped into my marriage without careful consideration and ended up in an untenable situation.  Since then, I have drawn up strict lists of criteria for a future mate that almost no one has a hope of meeting and I'm applying those criteria like a USDA judge grading meat.  If someone scores too low on one criteria, I'm not even willing to "waste my time" meeting them.  The fool is telling me that I cannot just leap in with nary a care in the world, but I also cannot be too closed minded about the people I let into my life.

Overall this was a scarily accurate reading and truly reflected where I am in life.  I need to continue to reflect on this.

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