Saturday, December 10, 2016

Knight of Pentacles

First Impressions:  This is a beautiful card and I love the colors.  One of my first impressions is that the knight is riding into battle into the sunset.  Despite being a card of swords and decisiveness, this card is kind of dreamy and romantic.  Reversed, this card is about losing control.

Book:  Stifling anger, staying silent, lack of commitment, vengefullness, continue to have thoughts and attitudes that are causing you problems.

Guidance:  Listen before speaking, speak your mind.


I am seething right now and the problem is that I don't even know who to be angry at.  I guess I'm angry at the universe because I don't have the one thing that I truly want in my life.  I want love. I want someone to care about me and to worry about me.  I don't want more responsibility in my life.  I don't want to be A's teacher.  I'm sorry, , I am saying what's in it for me and finding the answer to be nothing.  I know people have guided me and mentored me, but I have nothing left to give right now.  I'm totally tapped out and I don't have the energy.  

And yes, I'm really angry.  It is another Christmas and I'm all alone.  I want someone to share my life with, I'm tired of being alone and living alone.  This is no fun.  

They just gave me an interesting message that if i want someone to snuggle with, I need to create room to snuggle.

January 25, 2018

Interesting rereading this as I've been really working to get rid of the clutter in my life.  A big part of my putting my journals online is so that I can get rid of the emotional baggage.  As I read through all of these entries, I'm looking at what the lessons are and letting go of the pain that goes along with the journal entries.  I'm also working on cleaning up my space and getting rid of things that I don't need or that no longer serve me.

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